Joe Patrice

Posts by Joe Patrice

Law school graduation is coming up and that means it’s time to engage in duplicitous backstabbing of everyone you call a friend in a mad scramble for graduation week event tickets.

That’s why the process of selling graduation week tickets has to be managed with a level of procedural fairness normally reserved for stock quotes or Miley Cyrus tickets. It’s also the reason everything can quickly descend into a lower circle of hell if someone feels they’ve been screwed over for tickets.

That’s what happened when a top law school accidentally gave the LLMs an early bite at the grad event ticket apple. And what they tried to do next lit up a hornets’ nest of entitled tools….

(Please note the UPDATES added below.)

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* SeaWorld lost its appeal. Apparently it’s not safe to lock murderous animals in a small pool and have people swim with them. [Blog of the Legal Times]

* Do you know what “Heartbleed” is? If the answer is no, you need to click on this immediately for the 10 things every lawyer needs to know about the latest computer security crisis. [Versus Texas]

* We’ve been hearing about declining law school applications, now let’s look at new projections of law school graduates. [The Faculty Lounge]

* Professor Orin Kerr explains that it might be time for courts to adopt computer-specific Fourth Amendment rules. Adapting 18th Century thinking to meet modern times? That’s crazy talk. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* These guys must be the best Grand Theft Auto players ever. [Legal Juice]

* Being nice is a strength rather than a weakness. I’m incredulous. [Katz Justice]

Thanks again to everyone who came out to the ATL/Kaplan Bar Prep trivia night in D.C. last week! Students from all across the Washington area descended on The Bier Baron to vie for honor and technological goodies provided by our sponsors from Kaplan Bar Review. Oh, and even those who couldn’t succeed at trivia still got free food and some booze, because a trivia night is never a total loss.

If you’re a law student wondering when we’ll make it to your town, be patient. I know of a couple of locations we’re planning to hit in the next few months.

So let’s recap our D.C. extravaganza and check out some pictures of the action…

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The National Football League has sort of, kind of, not really addressed its concussion problem by paying former players a pittance and then doing absolutely nothing about the culture of the sport. I guess that’s not totally true. The Denver Broncos went out of their way not to hit anybody during the Super Bowl.

Meanwhile, Hockey — Canada’s pastime and America’s after thought — has largely escaped scrutiny. It’s not that people overlook the violence in the sport, it’s just people mistake the occasional fisticuffs for the most extreme “violence” in the sport. As opposed to plays like, say, this. As you watch that guy leveled and smashing head first into the ice, remember that unlike football, these people by and large didn’t wear helmets until the 80s.

One concussion lawsuit was filed back in November. That one was boringly straight-forward.

Now comes a second lawsuit sprinkled with errors and crazy talk. Perhaps it’s a performance art piece on the horrors of concussions.

Let’s check out the 5 craziest takeaways from the new NHL suit….

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In the often uncreative world of law school, intramural sports (along with Law Revue… did you know we have a contest coming up?) offers one of the rare opportunities to show your creative side. The unwritten code of intramural sports is that any team worth its salt must have a clever team name. Law jokes are appreciated, but dorky. Borderline inappropriate stuff is best.

As the host of several ATL/Kaplan Bar Prep Bar trivia nights, I’ve enjoyed some of the borderline team names law students can concoct if given an outlet and some booze. And intramural sports are a lot like playing bar trivia: lots of booze and absolutely no athletic skill.

But there’s a controversy brewing at a certain law school over a softball team’s name. So let’s play: “Funny or Inappropriate?” shall we?

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* There’s a guy called the “Good-Grammar Bandit” out there and he’s a high priority target of the FBI? Allow me to take this opportunity to tell the FBI their doing a good job. [Lowering the Bar]

* Some folks have asked me incredulously about yesterday’s Non-Sequiturs item about Louisiana and Oregon allowing convictions with non-unanimous juries. So here’s some background on how that came to be. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* Speaking of Louisiana, a lawyer has filed suit against Morris Bart, a major personal injury law firm, for unpaid wages. From what we’re hearing this may be the tip of the iceberg for these sorts of allegations — lots of people have been leaving the firm recently and that’s a recipe for complaints going both ways. [Louisiana Record]

* Florida may not regulate real guns any time soon, but one 11th Circuit judge is ready to regulate the hell out of shotgun pleadings! [South Florida Lawyers Blog]

* Lawyers are bad at social media. They’re bad at social reality, why did we expect them to be good at social virtuality? [CMS Wire]

* ADA’s father was kidnapped (and recovered). Yikes. [WRAL]

* A follow-up on our prior Sriracha lawsuit coverage. [USA Today]

* A look at the legal issues in the most recent episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. If you saw it (and Captain America to the extent they are intertwined), you know there were some heavy legal issues at play. [Legal Geeks]

Cinemax is a premium cable network with only two missions: to show all the third-rate movies in HBO’s catalog that HBO would never want associated with the flagship network[1] and to show softcore porn. That’s it. It has no other role.

Which is why it’s curious that an actress who signed on to play a part in a Cinemax TV series was so shocked to learn that they actually wanted her to take her clothes off and simulate sex acts while embroiled in what — I’m guessing — is some plothole-ridden murder mystery.

Anyway, she was shocked, and since this is ‘Murica, she sued and then Cinemax and its parent entities sued back with the help of a certain Biglaw firm…

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* Want to see a really terrible version of 12 Angry Men? Watch it in Louisiana or Oregon, the two states that allow criminal convictions even when jurors are holding out. The Supreme Court has an opportunity to fix that, let’s see if they will. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* Speaking of 12 Angry Men, this chart of the Dungeons & Dragons alignments of each juror is entertaining. [Imgur]

* The judge in the Janice and Ira Schacter kerfuffle invoked Above the Law in her decision as proof that the accusations against Ira Schacter were in the public eye. Thanks for specifically promoting us over the rest of the NY media Justice Laura Drager! [NY Post]

* Watch a bunch of law students talk about cats on Facebook. Will it end in douchebag posturing and threats of lawsuits? Of course it will! [Legal Cheek]

* “Volunteer Liquor Commissioner” was disciplined for operating a Facebook page for people complaining about the police. He’s suing. Better question is what does a “Volunteer Liquor Commissioner” even do? [IT-Lex]

* Allegations that Disney ripped off the trailer for Frozen from an animated short. They should really let it go. [Hollywood Reporter]

* Chief Justice John Roberts says he’s a minimalist. He’s wrong. [Election Law Blog]

* Microsoft stopped supporting Windows XP. The IRS decided to keep going with the old product. So now your tax records are at risk. Enjoy the fruits of budgeting with anti-IRS legislators! [TaxProf Blog]

This probably isn’t a surprise, but the market still sucks for newly minted lawyers. The ABA has published the employment data it gathered from affiliated law schools, and the best way to spin this is as a “modest uptick.”

So if you’re a 0L super psyched about going to a subpar law school, this is cold, hard data that should terrify you. Terrify you even more than the indebtedness stats. Except you’re not going to be deterred, because you think you’re the exception. Like the high school girl convinced that Jimmy isn’t going to cheat on her like he did his last five girlfriends. Good luck, kid.

For the rest of us, let’s take the temperature of the legal market while we await the law school press releases telling us it’s not so bad.

And, hey, it looks like there may be one tiny ray of hope in these numbers. Don’t worry, I did say “tiny”…

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* Justice Scalia was asked, “Why should society be bound by laws that were passed only by white male property owners?” If you guessed he’d eschew a substantive response in favor of a condescending sarcastic quip, you’re right! [Wall Street Journal]

* 2L who based his student government bid around a self-made rap video failed to secure election. He was probably screwed the moment Dr. Dre entered the race. [Daily Business Review]

* Nursing home sued for hiring male strippers for patients. Lawsuit aside, wasn’t it a bit much to make them dress up like Matlock for their act? [NY Post]

* A firm is handing out pairs of Google Glass to clients to record how their injuries impact their daily lives. Next up: a firm specializing in the injuries caused by wearing Google Glass to record how injuries impact daily lives. [Slate]

* Big corporations are filing junk patents. Will anyone put a stop to them? Of course not. [Politix]

* It’s time to put a stop to shady tax preparers ripping off low-income families. That way low-income families can go back to being ripped off by every other avenue of American society. [New York Times]

* Managing your Facebook account can give rise to spoliation. So you’d better be happy with all those pictures you’re tagged in before you get in a legal scrape. [IT-Lex]

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