It is the most frightening time of the year for prospective lawyers. The New York State Bar Exam results will be posted tomorrow. As other states have posted results, we’ve seen that this year the “pass or you’re fired” feeling is strong.

Here’s the results preview from the New York Board of Law Examiners:

Important Notice for JULY 2009 BAR Exam Takers:

The results from the July 2009 bar examination will be made available to candidates, by e-mail, on November 5, 2009. You must ensure that you can accept emails from barresults@nybarapply.org. There will also be a link on this website to privately view your individual result by mid-day.

A list of the candidates who passed the examination will be made available to the general public on Friday, November 6, 2009.

People who took the bar in New Jersey will have to wait another couple of days:

July 2009 Bar Results - Bar results are expected to be mailed on Monday, November 9, 2009. Results are expected to be posted by Candidate ID number on Monday at 4:00 pm. ID numbers and/or addresses will NOT be given or verified for security reasons.

One piece of advice as you wait for this important information: alcohol is your friend.

Earlier: New York Bar Exam Results Are Up

* Somebody call up the Cornell School of Hotel Administration and get them to teach their people how travelers actually use computers. [Drug and Device Law]

* Police can search your email without telling you. Bring it on coppers, bring it on. [True/Slant]

* If your Biglaw career has stalled, maybe you should become a CPA. [Going Concern]

* An Indiana law school dean is getting pushed out because he is too old. Peyton Manning, welcome to your future. [Law Librarian Blog]

* Is a globally integrated law firm that provides one-stop shopping still a viable business model? I don’t know, Wal-Mart seems to be doing just fine. [Ideoblog]

* I didn’t know water intoxication existed. It doesn’t sound nearly as fun as regular intoxication. [ABA Journal]

* Don’t forget to come down and poke me with sticks meet me in Atlanta on Monday. [Georgia Association for Women Lawyers]

Back in May, Jeffrey Toobin wrote a rather harsh appraisal of Chief Justice John Roberts. The title of Toobin’s New Yorker piece: No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Based on a recent celebrity sighting of Chief Justice Roberts, however, JGR still seems like a pretty nice guy. The sighting took place here in New York, and it was, interestingly enough, made by a fellow celebrity: Gay Talese, the critically acclaimed, bestselling author.

Visit the NYT’s City Room blog (via WSJ Law Blog) to read about Talese’s encounter with JGR, then come back.

Okay, are you back? Wasn’t that an awesome story? Doesn’t Chief Justice Roberts sound like a prince of a man?

Random medical commentary from a reader, after the jump.

Last month, we asked you to share your stories of summer associate craziness. Based on the responses we received, I feel very sorry for the 2009 summer associates. Obviously the days of summers peeing off the side of a Duck Boat are long gone.

This story we received from summers at Weil Gotshal in New York illustrates the difference between summer 2009 and actual fun:

Did you hear about the Weil partner who got a summer so wasted from shots the summer barfed on himself in the bathroom at a firm event?

Were this year’s summers really so dull that partners had to be the ones to encourage after-work debauchery? I mean seriously, if you can make it to the bathroom, you probably could have had at least one more shot.

The Weil summer rallies after the boot, after the jump.

You wouldn’t think it would be hard to find a group of unemployed Chicago lawyers these days. There are a lot of them lying around. But can they overcome the collective action problem to join together for an epic bender? Let’s turn to Craigslist to find out.

Here’s the text from an ad that went up earlier this week:

Looking for Desperate Lawyer! (Chicago Metro)

Seeking desperate lawyers to form drinking club. Job duties include drinking with the thousands of other out of work/can’t get a job/fresh from passing the bar grads like self who lack the connections/money necessary to find even minimal legal employment. Must be fluent in Scotch-Whiskey, Irish-Whiskey, Smithwicks, Bass, Harp, and any other sophisticated blue-collar drink. Occassional duties of blacking out from excess alcohol will be called upon as needed.

People who dig criminal defense and wasted hundreds on Lexis/Westlaw for their overpriced Illinois books will be given extra consideration.

Interested applicants may respond to the email listed above for further consideration.

Matt/David
www.myspace.com/mattdavidfilms

Oooh, they have a website. Let’s check out the virtual backstory after the jump.

When you’re hanging out at Chic-A-Boom Room in Dunedin, Florida, late on a Monday night, you need to be prepared for trouble. So discovered Florida patent attorney Louis Brunoforte this week. But only after taking a punch to the face from a feisty 45-year-old woman from Indiana.

From the St. Petersburg Times:

As he headed to the restroom early Tuesday at the Chic-A-Boom Room, Louis Brunoforte left behind a Budweiser to mark his spot at the bar.

He returned to find someone sitting in his seat. A verbal dispute ensued and quickly escalated.

Words were exchanged, expletives were hurled and, finally, a punch was thrown, hitting the 6-foot, 240-pound Brunoforte right in the kisser.

Getting punched in the face, however, is not enough to warrant the honor of Lawyer of the Day. No, Brunoforte earned that honor by announcing to the Times that he plans to sue:

Brunoforte, 46, of Dunedin, is a lawyer and may proceed with a civil suit against Adams. He said he had back surgery in March and walks with the help of a cane and back brace. He wasn’t injured by the shot from the 5-foot-8, 180-pound Adams, but said that fact isn’t relevant.

“I was a boxer in high school so I guess I know how to take a punch,” Brunoforte said. “But I could have fallen down, and with the serious back surgery I had that could have been problematic.”

Oh, Bruno, for the sake of your self-respect, you should have stopped talking after “take a punch.”

Brunoforte claims the Hoosier woman “threw a punch like a man would throw a punch.” But rather than hit her back, his cool head prevailed. He started planning his civil suit against her and asked the bartender to call authorities.

Dunedin lawyer says Indiana woman punched him after bar dispute [St. Petersburg Times]

Most of the time, when law students flip out, they flip out about their law school. But in this era of law student meltdowns, it was only a matter of time before law students started brawling with each other.

On April 30, New York Law School (not to be confused with NYU School of Law) had a cocktail party for 3Ls to celebrate the end of classes. A tipster explains:

There was supposed to be hors d’oeuvres served with the free alcohol, but there was little food in sight, so the scene was set for overconsumption of alcohol on empty stomachs.

This sounds promising.

You might think that this story devolves into New York Law School students rioting in TriBeCa over the school’s inability to break out of the third tier. But instead, we’ve got a classic green-eyed monster lurking about:

Apparently, one 3L brought a 1L as his date, and this was upsetting to his ex-girlfriend, another 3L. Earlier in the night, the [female] 3L allegedly spilled wine on this 1L. The 1L later on then threw a wine glass at the 3L.

I think we all know where this is heading. Details after the jump.

Given the crazy layoffs news today, a law firm cutting back on perks might seem like small beans. But with many perks, it’s not about the particular thing being offered (or taken away) it’s about what the perk says about the firm, its culture, and in some cases its financial health.

It looks like McDermott Will & Emery is taking away coffee in its Chicago office. Here’s the email from the head of the firm’s Chicago office:

These are difficult times for our business and legal communities. We, like all law firms, are looking at expenses that can be pared without diminishing the quality of the legal services that we provide to our clients.

Effective immediately, we are suspending our coffee services in the 45th floor lobby. We will, of course, continue to provide coffee and drink carts for client meetings. We will also continue to have the Flavia coffee service available on each of our attorney floors and will provide coffee to our clients in our 44th floor reception area.

We are also suspending, effective immediately, our evening food services. Lou and Walt are working on alternatives and will present those alternatives to you in the very near term..

If you have any questions, please call me.

George

Fair enough.

But after the jump, we see that other MWE partners were not all that happy with cutback.

* A couple is suing United Airlines for “overserving” the husband by serving him red wine every 20 minutes on the flight. They say this is what caused him to beat his wife on the way to customs. [Chicago Tribune]

* “Federal judges in some parts of the United States are delaying the swearing-in of new citizens, apparently so that courts can keep millions of dollars in naturalization fees paid by immigrants, according to a new government report.” [The Washington Post]

* A Rhode Island family sued their cable provider for hooking up the Playboy channel, which plays hardcore porn. [Courthouse News Service]

* Investors in Madoff’s ponzi scheme might be able to get back some of their money by filing for a U.S. tax refund. As if the U.S. government isn’t paying out enough money these days…[Bloomberg.com]

* The high court in Europe says a UK couple should be bound by the ruling of judge in southern Cyprus that they demolish their vacation home. The house is built on land that belongs to a Greek Cypriot who claims it was taken from him during the Turkish invasion in 1974. [BBC News]

Thanks to everyone who attended last week’s “Meet the ATL Editors” happy hour, held here in New York at Professor Thoms’. The party, sponsored by Major, Lindsey & Africa, was a huge success.

About 100 people — including law students, Biglaw associates, and even some partners — passed through during the hours the party was on. It was scheduled to end at 11 p.m., but when this exhausted editor left at midnight, the festivities were still going strong. The free cocktails we provided to kick off the drinking were quickly consumed, and the supply of Above the Law t-shirts was also exhausted.

We’ll be doing more events in the future — some in New York, some in other cities — so please keep an eye out for them. If you’re interested in possibly sponsoring an ATL event, please contact our sales and marketing director, Elyse DiPierri, by email (subject line: “Event Sponsorship”).

Once again, thanks to Major, Lindsey & Africa for sponsoring the party.

Check out the pictures after the jump (or just click here).

Here is just one small indication that law firms everywhere are feeling the pinch. As is customary at many firms, a firm-wide email went around Wilson Sonsini today congratulating all of the associates who passed the July 2008 bar exam.

The happy message reads as follows:

Congratulations to our attorneys who passed the July 2008 state bar exams! Please make sure to reach out and congratulate them. This is a big accomplishment!

Well, “!” I say. Everybody enjoys knowing that their accomplishments are recognized.

But last year’s WSGR recognition was a little more remarkable. Last year, this was the happy message that was sent around the firm:

Congratulations to our associates who have recently passed state bar exams!

To celebrate their success, we will be sending a bottle of champagne to our newest bar passers shortly! Please make sure to reach out and give them your personal congratulations. This is a big accomplishment!

Can you spot the extra sentence?

Firms cannot afford to be frivolous during these tough times, but would a $40 bottle of mediocre champagne really break WSGR’s financial back? According to the firm’s list 53, associates passed the July 2008 bar. That’s just over $2,000 in alcoholic costs.

Even if Wilson Sonsini had done the same thing this year that they did last year, the firm would have still saved some money. 72 people passed last year’s exam.

It’s pretty funny to see all the ways firms are trying to stretch a dollar. I hope the recession doesn’t get any worse, or else firms will have to start eliminating “complimentary” bathroom soap.

We have of course heard of other cost saving maneuvers happening at WSGR. If you know what we’re talking about, send us a tip.

Earlier: More Shock Doctrine: Wilmer Hale ‘Clarifies’ Late Night Meals Policy

Lawyer layoffs. Lousy bonuses. Recent news has been grim.

You need something to take your mind off worldly woes. It’s time for a party!

Next Tuesday, December 2nd, we invite ATL readers to join us at Professor Thoms’ for revelry and fun. The party starts at 6:30 p.m. and goes all the way until 11 p.m. We’ll be upstairs at Professor Thoms’ (219 2nd Avenue — just south of 14th Street).

All of your favorites will be there: Lat, Kash, & Marin. I’ll also be there, brooding drunkenly in the corner. No rotting fruit allowed.

Professor Thoms’. Booze. Kash! If you’ve got a better way to spend a Tuesday night, you’re holding on a little too tight.

Please RSVP at rsvp@breakingmedia.com and on Facebook.

Sponsored by Major, Lindsey & Africa.

Tomorrow, the law students association at Boston College Law School will host its annual Boston Harbor boat cruise. Most law schools in the greater Boston area do some version of this. I’ve been on many, though I remember none.

But I guess it’s exactly that kind of drunk boat behavior that the BC cruise team are sick of. A tipster sent along sternly worded email in advance of tomorrow night’s festivities:

Unfortunately, over the past several years, we have had some troubling incidents on the boat cruise that have marred this event. These incidents were all caused by excessive alcohol consumption.

Is there any point to being on a boat in the middle of Boston Harbor unless you intend to consume alcohol excessively? It’s not like you can fish, swim, or gamble. What else are you supposed to do?

The email goes on to list specific incidents that have “marred” the boat cruise in the past:

One year, a law student was detained and arrested by the State Police while trying to board the boat while intoxicated. A few years ago, the boat was forced to return to port shortly after leaving dock because of a seriously intoxicated student on the cruise. Last year, there was a fight between two law students and one sustained a serious, and possibly permanent, injury.

As our tipster aptly put it, “I’m still trying to figure out if this was meant as a warning or an advertisement.”

Tickets are still available!

The full email is reprinted after the jump.

Open container laws are both massively annoying and haphazardly enforced. The mere concept of it offends the notion of freedom and remains the single best reason to move to New Orleans.

The law prevents anyone from drinking in public, which unfortunately requires lawyers to haggle over the definition of “public space” instead of going home and enjoying a frosty beverage.

Brooklyn resident Kimber VanRy got nailed with one of these ludicrous $25 citations and he is fighting it. He’ll probably lose, he was drinking a beer on his stoop when he had the misfortune of a cop rolling by. But he wasn’t drunk, he wasn’t throwing a party or using the beer bottle for lewd and deviant acts, he was just minding his own business in the middle of New York City when the government had to get all up in his grill.

Stupid laws beget stupid legal arguments. Look at what Legal Aid is arguing to defend this guy. The New York Times reports the opinion of one such lawyer, Steve Wasserman:

“This is an open question,” he said of the law. “There’s also a larger constitutional question, if a piece of your private property were being treated as if it were a public place. You couldn’t get arrested for drinking that beer in your kitchen. Now you’re sitting on your stoop. The stoop may be more like your kitchen than your sidewalk.”

Really, we have to get into a Con Law exam to answer this question? What if your kitchen has concrete counter tops while your sidewalk is made of cobblestone?

The cop who gave VanRy the open container ticket told him (after inquiring as to what kind of beer he was drinking) that if VanRy’s stoop had a gate, he would not have received a ticket. So, only people with gated stairs can enjoy some fresh air while drinking a beer?

The summer is almost at an end. In its waning days, we should all be able to enjoy some fresh air and green space with as much alcoholic libation as we can handle. I got ya’ $25 right here, NYPD.

Fighting for the Right to Drink Beer on His Stoop [New York Times]

Labor Day is behind us. You know what that means: no wearing white, no gin and tonics, and no qualms about sending summer associate stories to ATL. If you have an SA story to share that we haven’t previously covered, please email us.

This latest tale, posted below, puts the “MoFo” in Morrison & Foerster. These kiddies are badass. As always, please don’t name or provide additional identifying information about them. Thanks.

***********************
This summer MoFo hosted a firm-wide retreat in Napa, first-class all the way — every attendee stayed in a private one-bedroom condo at the host resort, people got spa treatments, went on wine tastings, open bar every night, etc. Once the bar closed, the real troopers would head over to someone’s condo for an after party. The firm covered minibar tabs, so people would stop by their own places and stock up on drinks to bring along. Nothing out of the ordinary, as far as big firm summer blow-outs go.

The only problem with the trip was the tremendous size of the resort. The condos were scattered all across a large compound. Some rooms were miles away from others. The resort provided shuttle service, but often (especially late at night) the shuttles were slow in coming. Very slow. It was definitely a nuisance.

A couple of days into the retreat, two or three summers apparently got sick of waiting for a shuttle to take them to their far off condos at the end of the evening’s after party festivities. One of them was sick and vomiting or something, so they had a sense of urgency. In a haze of drunken entitlement (or perhaps a twisted sense of altruism: their friend was sick!), these summers decided to “borrow” a car from the resort’s valet to drive home.

They busted into the valet key box and swiped the keys to an Audi A6 — first-class all the way! — got into the car, and started it up. Luckily for them, before they could get it into gear and get moving, a recruiter got wind of the operation and came RUNNING AND SCREAMING out of the after party. She got them out of the car; the keys were returned to their rightful place.

But the plans of drunken MoFos are not so easily foiled. Undeterred, they RETURNED to the valet box once the recruiter was out of their way, stole the keys AGAIN, and started up the car once more. This time a MoFo PARTNER saw the situation, ran over to the car, and put a stop to the ill-fated scheme.

***********************
What happened to the summers in question? We don’t know for certain, but we’re guessing they got no-offered. While creative problem-solving and taking the initiative are usually desirable qualities for lawyers to possess, stealing cars and driving drunk raise character and fitness issues.

Here’s a fact pattern: teen steals liquor, teen gets hammered, adult is called to help, adult drives teen home, teen dies, adult gets charged with… negligent homicide?

That’s the reality facing Candice Collard. The 24-year-old woman is being charged with homicide in Utah for failing to help Jess “Micade” Horrocks, 14, who died of alcohol poisoning this past April.

The charge seems especially harsh given that Utah has a criminal statute for failure to render aid. Uintah County Deputy Attorney Greg Lamb said that the homicide charge was warranted because Collard “failed miserably in several areas that could have prevented [Horrocks’s] death.” Lamb admits that his office is taking a “novel” approach to this case, which should make Collard feel swell.

Collard drove the teen 13 miles to Collard’s home instead of 2 miles to the hospital. Horrocks did not receive medical attention until the next day

In retrospect, obviously, Collard’s choice was unwise. But Collard neither procured the alcohol nor sat there and poured it down Horrocks’s throat.

This charge puts the perverse in legal incentives. When ineffective help puts you in danger of a homicide conviction, wouldn’t you rather roll the dice with a failure-to-render-aid charge?

The “go screw yourself, kid” attitude is something we’d expect out of the Bronx, but Utah?

Woman charged in boy’s alcohol-poisoning death [Salt Lake Tribune via Fark]

One of our favorite law professor bloggers, Stephen Bainbridge, chimes in on yesterday’s summer associate scandal story. His commentary appears here.

Our general view of the matter was summed up by a commenter: “Guys from my high school used to seal the deal with girls from college all the time. It was no big deal.” Professor Bainbridge begs to differ.

P.S. Same rules apply. Please don’t name any individuals in the comments — including, but not limited to, the summer associate, the college intern, or the associate who brought the SA’s conduct to the attention of the hiring partner. Thanks.

Advice for Young Law Firm Associates: Don’t Poop Where You Eat [Punditry - Professor Bainbridge]

Earlier: Summer Associate of the Day: The Cradle Robber

Update: Take our reader poll:

“Lolita, light of my life, fire of my law firm. My sin, my soul, my summer intern. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.”

Now that summer associate programs are over, and most summers have offers safely in hand, it’s a good (read: safe) time to dish about SA scandals. If you have a story to share that we haven’t previously covered, please email us.

Here’s one story that is making the rounds. We’ve omitted the firm name because the summer class was not very large. Per our usual rules, please don’t name the summer associate (or the college student) in the comments.

After a firm-sponsored event, a college student interning at the firm went out for drinks with several summer and full-time associates. She was not old enough to be drinking.

The college intern, in a state of inebriation, left the bar hanging all over one of the summer associates (hereinafter “The Cradle Robber”). Later that evening, the Cradle Robber wrote an email to several associates, claiming that “the deal was sealed” with the college intern.

An associate forwarded the email to the hiring partner. The Cradle Robber did not receive an offer.

Read our take on this series of events, after the jump.

[Ed. note: This post is by FROLIC & DETOUR, one of the finalists in ATL Idol, the “reality blogging” competition that will determine ATL’s next editor. It is marked with Frolic & Detour’s avatar (at right).]

Sadly, some of the juiciest summer scandals in Biglaw history occurred prior to the advent of Above the Law. Though some of us at ATL may be loathe to admit it, many of them occurred when this year’s 2Ls were still in high school. So far, this year’s pink-cheeked and diligent class is failing in its duty to generate entertainment for the rest of us. So let’s all step into the Wayback Machine and visit the glory days of summer scandal.

Picture it: summer, 2000. First-year salaries recently hit $125,000…the dot com boom is a boom, not a bubble…offers will follow summers as day follows night. And a Boston tech firm called Testa Hurwitz had not yet gone to the Great Courtroom in the Sky.

The marquee event of Testa’s lavish summer program is a Duck Boat tour of Boston and the Charles River. Summers, associates, and partners alike enjoy some fine beverages and then set out for some amphibious sightseeing.

Under the influence of free champagne, a Harvard summer (naturally) decides that it would be hilarious to drop trou and moon his friend in the neighboring boat. Once his pants are down, however, he experiences some confusion about where he is, just as Nature begins to sing her siren song. Is that a life preserver in front of him, or a urinal? In front of the entire firm, the summer leans against the railing and takes a piss in the Charles.

It wasn’t easy to do in those days, but… no offer.

[Ed. note: This is the second ATL post by former practicing attorney Hope Winters. It’s a continuation of the story started in this post, which you should read first if you haven’t done so already.

Judging from the comments to her maiden post, it seems that readers had strong reactions to Hope Winters. That’s what we like around here — writers who hit a nerve. To paraphrase Gossip Girl, “You know you love her….”]

The summer weeks went by quickly, and as that July weekend approached, I felt a deep sense of dread and resentment. We associates bitched about the event constantly on e-mail, but finally, we got to the final stage of grieving: acceptance. We were told to sign up for tennis, golf, or even lounging at the pool on Saturday afternoon.

Not one of these options appealed to me. Tennis or golf? Both sports required an unbridled competitive spirit and a laser-like focus. With these psycho-competitive, self-absorbed, Type-A-plus men? Please. I think I’d rather insert a needle into my eyeball. Option Two was no more desirable. Lounging around the pool in a bikini, surrounded by undersexed, middle-aged men who hated their wives with lives of leisure for saddling them with two mortgages? Recipe for rape.

I decided I would just sneak off and read a novel quietly under a shaded tree. I was not about to partake in any of these forced social activities.

So, we arrived, pulling up slowly in jumbo silver buses at what we referred to as the “compound” (because it was like Jonestown — we were not allowed to leave). A luxurious resort with a green golf course, an Olympic-sized swimming pool, tennis courts…. I must say the Lansdowne wasn’t so bad - if you were on your honeymoon.

We quickly deposited our luggage in our sparsely decorated rooms that we shared with our roommates and rushed to the bar. The associates gathered together along the round oak bar, fervently waving our arms at the bartender, “Gin and Tonic! Cabernet! Heineken!” Cries for alcoholic beverages of choice were erupting everywhere. I quickly secured a Cabernet and retreated to the end of the bar where I met some of my Antitrust colleagues from different offices. One of them, Pablo, from the Argentina office, started talking to me at length about a deal we were working on and the status of a Hart-Scott-Rodino application. Hello? I do not want to talk about barriers to entry or oligopolies now. I wanted to ask him what Malbec he recommended and what Argentine steak is like.

I managed to excuse myself for an alleged restroom break and then located the one cool group at the other side of the bar discussing indie films and making fun of partners - my favorite pastime. An important sidenote: No dinner was served on night one. Just drinks. With overworked lawyers that never go to out. This was like Spring Break for senior citizens.

Read the rest of the tale, after the jump.