Recent Headlines from Above the Law
* Has America been duped by the greatest double agent in history? That’s one take on Eric Holder’s return to Covington & Burling (they even kept his office waiting for him). [Rolling Stone]
* The merger between Squire Sanders and Patton Boggs may have had a rocky first year, but the merged entity looks to get its lobbying game back on fleek. [Washington Post]
* It’s fairly unlikely Abigail Fisher has experienced discrimination a day in her life, but white privilege means this mediocre student will have yet another day in front of the Supreme Court. [For Harriet]
* One lawyer’s quest against the Commission on Presidential Debates and their implicit perpetuation of the two-party duopoly. [Law360]
* An issue near and dear in the hearts of many of our readers: how do you stay married to a lawyer? [Lawyerist]
* More whining about President Obama opining on Supreme Court cases while the justices “deliberate” — as though anyone’s opinion is up in the air. Apparently presidents have rarely done this. Fun fact: cynical lawyers have rarely gotten to the Supreme Court to attack a president’s landmark legislation on a tortured textual reading, but here we are. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]
* It’s like the Hangover. Except in prison. With more drugs. [Legal Juice]
* Hey, remember when Jeb Bush got behind a law that required rape victims to publish their sexual histories in the newspaper until the law was shot down by the courts two years later? Good times. [Salon]
* The Right proclaims Jeb Bush really doesn’t believe in publicly shaming women for having sex. Hm. See item 3 supra. [Legal Insurrection]
* Wow. The Senate actually passed something. It’s a resolution hailing the 13th, 14th, and 15th Amendments. Is it a sign of my cynicism that I’m shocked even that got approved? [Constitutional Accountability Center]
* Why the rationale of Roe doesn’t really matter. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]
* Fourth Circuit panel snipes at each other over whether to call out overzealous prosecutors. It got so bad they actually sealed the opinion. [Maryland Appellate Blog]
* Derek Khanna has a new report on patent reform written with Lincoln Labs. The fundamental premise: patents are not encouraging innovation any more. [Lincoln Labs]
* Watchdog is reporting that Kroll Associates conveniently overlooked dozens of terrible LSAT scores in its report on University of Texas admission standards. It bears repeating: just how dumb must Abigail Fisher be to not get into this school? [Watchdog]
* A short memoir about suing The Grateful Dead. [The Faculty Lounge]
* At least a dozen professors from UT Law have had their identities stolen, and they only found out about it after their tax returns were rejected. As it turns out, the data thief had already filed their returns for them. Law profs’ tax refund checks must be tasty. [American-Statesman]
* If you’ve been wondering what kind of salary it’d take to woo away the dean of one of the top law schools in the nation to become your university’s president, wonder no more. The answer is $660K per year. Way to go, Dean Schill! Play on, playa. [Register-Guard]
* If you thought the list of the legal profession’s luminaries was looking like a giant sausage party, then you should check out this new ranking of the “most accomplished female attorneys working in the legal profession today.” [National Law Journal]
* Biglaw, bigger egos? Law firm managing partners aren’t feeling as confident as they once were about economic and legal industry growth, but they’re totally jazzed about their own firms’ potential for revenue growth and the demand for their services. [Am Law Daily]
* Another law school makes big changes thanks to legal academia’s rocky road: Loyola Law in L.A. is planning a 25% enrollment cut and is taking $20 million from its university’s endowment to entice students to attend with fat scholarships. [Los Angeles Loyolan]
A good problem to have. What advice would you give to this prospective law student?
* On Friday, the Supreme Court agreed to evaluate the constitutionality of same-sex marriage, and this is perhaps the definitive article on how the justices have been preparing the nation for marriage equality. Get ready for some big gay weddings this summer. [BuzzFeed]
* Smile for the camera! Kent and Jill Easter, the infamous helicopter-parenting lawyers who went to jail for attempting to frame a volunteer at their son’s school on drug charges, found themselves at the center of a 20/20 story. [ABC News]
* With it being highly likely that the Supreme Court will declare bans on same-sex marriage by the states unconstitutional, people are wondering which justice will be the one the vote hinges upon. Could it be Chief Justice Roberts? [New Republic]
* Come on now, the swing vote in the same-sex marriage cases will obviously be Justice Kennedy. The legal tea leaves have been read, and with his majority opinions in Romer, Lawrence, and Windsor, the future has been foretold. [WSJ Law Blog]
* Steven Metro, the former managing clerk of Simpson Thacher’s New York office, was finally indicted after being charged with insider trading almost one year ago. If you’re interested, flip to the next page to see the juicy indictment. [Am Law Daily]
* In a new report, the Texas attorney general’s office concluded the forgivable faculty loan program at UT Law not only violated school rules, but also “set into motion a lack of transparency that ultimately led to a lack of accountability.” [Texas Tribune]
* Does Chief Justice Roberts care enough about avoiding the appearance of partisanship that he’ll sink challenges to Obamacare? [Huffington Post]
* Wow. In 1938, they arrested a woman for wearing pants to court. [LA Times]
* LSAT takers were down AGAIN. It’s now down more than 40 percent since 2009. Maybe someday soon it really will be a good time to “Apply to Law School Now!” [Excess of Democracy]
* Don’t go to jail in Alabama. Just a general rule. [Mother Jones]
* Interesting. LexisNexis is partnering with Microsoft to create a cloud-based system for small law firms. [PR Web]
* The remains of famed athlete Jim Thorpe will remain in the Pennsylvania town where he was buried, ruled Judge Richard Caputo. His family wanted the remains returned to his birthplace. Even in death this guy is getting jerked around. [Associated Press via ABC News]
* Speaking of sports, Oklahoma State is suing New Mexico State alleging that its mascot looks “confusingly similar” to OSU’s mascot. There are only so many ways to depict a cowboy. Compare and contrast. [The Chronicle of Higher Education]
* Man Okie State is litigious all of a sudden. Oklahoma State is suing the University of Texas for poaching the former Cowboys Offensive Line coach to be the Longhorns’ Offensive Coordinator. I can see the deposition now. Imagined transcript after the jump…. [ESPN]
Attorney: And how old are you, describe yourself?
Other Attorney: Objection, compound.
Attorney: Go ahead and answer the question.
Mr. Gundy: I’M A MAN! I’M 40!
Did you oust your leaders last weekend?
Ed. note: Above the Law will not be publishing on Monday, May 26, in observance of the Memorial Day holiday.
* Who cleans up after Godzilla rolls into town? I figure it’s Damage Control. [The Legal Geeks]
* So we all know University of Texas Law admits politically-connected students with bad grades and scores. But did you know they let in someone with a 128 on the LSAT? ONE. TWENTY. EIGHT. [Watchdog.org]
* Do we even need the Supreme Court? Well, that’s one way to get RBG to retire. [Huffington Post]
* Seriously, the Boston Public School system is eliminating its history department. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]
* Yesterday I talked about a devastating takedown of the latest National Review article contending that sexual assault is no big deal. Perhaps I crowned a champion too soon, because this is an even better whipping of that article. [Concurring Opinions]
* Wait, ID laws ultimately suppress voter turnout? What a surprise! [Election Law Blog]
* The last word in the death penalty debate after the jump… [The Onion]