Biglaw

An in-house lawyer receives an email from a law firm with the subject line, “Litigation Highlights!” Does she pop it open?

Probably not; it sounds like an advertisement.

Is there a subject line that stands a better chance of success?

Yes: Something that specifically identifies a subject that might matter to the recipient. Maybe: “The Constitutionality of ‘ObamaCare’: A Preview of the Arguments.”

The recipient might or might not care about that subject, but, if she does care, at least she knows to open the email.

My not-so-hypothetical “subject” line — “Litigation Highlights!” — is off-putting enough, but, if you made the mistake of opening that email, the substance could be even worse….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Inside Straight: ‘Litigation Highlights!’ And Law Firm ‘Annual Reviews’”

* It’s Obamacare week at the Supreme Court, and people have been waiting in line since Friday morning to see the oral arguments. It’s kind of like Black Friday, except more people care about affordable TVs than affordable health care. [New York Times]

* Growth in the NLJ 250 increased by 1.7 percent in 2011. That’s fantastic for Biglaw, but associates at these firms care more about the growth of their bank accounts. Seriously… where are the spring bonuses already? [National Law Journal]

* George Zimmerman’s lawyer says he doesn’t think the “stand your ground” law applies to Trayvon Martin’s shooting. This was just self-defense — against Skittles. [MSNBC]

* The finalists for deanship at Baltimore Law include a Patton Boggs partner, an assistant attorney general, a law school dean, and two law professors. But which will be able to stand up to Bogomolny? [Baltimore Sun]

* Since blogging allows “big personalities” to run free, does the prosecommenter, Sal Perricone, have a bright future ahead of him here at Above the Law? Let’s see what David Lat has to say about that. [Times-Picayune]

* Millionaire John Goodman has been convicted of DUI manslaughter and vehicular homicide charges, and now he’s facing 11.5 to 30 years in prison. Boy is his girlfriend-slash-daughter going to miss him. [CNN]

Corporate law partners are supposed to have kick ass deal books, but they’re definitely not supposed to kick their mistress’s ass. Unfortunately for one King & Spalding partner, this is the wild allegation that’s strewn across today’s issue of the New York Post.

After reportedly partnering with his side piece for years, according to police documents, K&S partner Steven Guynn allegedly flew into a rage and slapped his girlfriend four times in the head “in a punching manner.” Last May, Guynn reportedly beat his mistress and threatened to kill her.

Let’s learn some more about the charges that Guynn is facing….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “This King & Spalding Partner Allegedly Kicks Ass”

If this were a nature show, Dewey & LeBoeuf would be a prey animal that looks normal to the naked human eye, but you can deduce that it’s seriously wounded because of the vultures circling around overhead. Everybody seems to be waiting for things to go from bad to worse.

Of course, according to Dewey management, everything is going just fine. I mean, what do you expect them to say? It’s Dewey, not Gondor. The managing partner isn’t going to have press conference where he screams, “Abandon your posts! Flee! Flee for your lives!”

Instead, we have this quote from Dewey Chairman Steven Davis in the Wall Street Journal (subscription): “We are producing the best work in the history of the firm and producing some of its strongest ever results… The overwhelming majority of our partners are excited about our future.”

Uh huh.

Well, apparently those “strongest ever results” aren’t translating into “cash money” for people who work at the firm….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Dewey Bonuses Are Going to Be Late This Year”

Hotter than a real poison pill.

* I know you don’t want to be evil, but I don’t think “privacy” means what you think it means. Google users have filed a class action suit against the company in New York over its new complete and utter lack of privacy policy. [Bloomberg]

* So you made some anti-war comments, touched Dick Cheney, got arrested, claimed your First Amendment rights were violated, and your case made it all the way to SCOTUS. Greatest accomplishment? Not getting shot by Cheney. [Huffington Post]

* Whoa, whoa, whoa. You mean to tell me that Wachtell’s name partner, Martin Lipton, the man who created the “poison pill,” supports staggered boards? Consider my mind blown. [DealBook / New York Times]

* M&A maven Dennis Block and real estate rock star Jeffrey Feil each donated $1M to their alma mater, Brooklyn Law School. See, you don’t need to go to a T14 school to make bank. [National Law Journal]

* Protip: not even Dov Charney’s world-renowned creepiness can save you from an arbitration agreement. A former employee’s $260M sex slave suit has been tossed out of court. [New York Daily News]

The common narrative, echoed by Mitt Romney supporters and others who hate dogs, is that Wall Street types are dropping the President like Randolph and Mortimer Duke tried to drop Billy Ray Valentine in Trading Places. It’s like all of Wall Street said, “A Negro running our country, don’t be ridiculous.”

That’s the movie the GOP would like to write.

But, as happens so often, Republican fantasies bear little relationship to reality. A new report from Bloomberg shows that Obama is doing just fine when it comes to support from employees working at Wall Street’s best banks. It’s probably because female contraception is a lot cheaper than paying child support.

Obama isn’t just raising money from employees at banks. Quite a few lawyers are also in the tank for Obama. Employees at one Biglaw firm are leading the charge, and given the firm, we imagine that the money is pouring in from all parts of America, parts of Europe, and perhaps even the firm’s exploratory office in the Marianas Trench….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Which Biglaw Firm Is a Top Obama Super PAC Contributor?”

The people building 1 World Trade Center still seem to be having trouble attracting big-time tenants. Especially law firms. Previous reports have indicated that Mayer Brown and Morgan Lewis have backed out of deals to take up residency in the new tower.

The latest law firm deal to fall through appears to be that of Chadbourne & Parke. In January, the New York Times reported with much fanfare that Chadbourne & Parke would be a “prime tenant” a 1 WTC. But this week, the New York Post is reporting that the deal has fallen through.

Chadbourne, currently housed at 30 Rock, doesn’t have to go downtown, but it can’t stay where it is. So where will Chadbourne be going?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Will Chadbourne & Parke Wind Up Homeless?”

* Here’s a reason why Proskauer Rose and Chadbourne & Parke might skip out on spring bonuses this year: millions of dollars worth of blowback from Allen Stanford’s Ponzi scheme. [Thomson Reuters News & Insight]

* And speaking of spring bonuses, a lot of people noticed that Sullivan & Cromwell seems to have misled associates. “Just because it hasn’t happened yet, doesn’t mean it won’t.” Yeah, right. [Am Law Daily]

* Next up in the war on women: a senator from Idaho thinks that women are such strumpets that they might be lying their way into abortions by claiming rape. Because that’s not incredibly insensitive. [Washington Post]

* Apparently George Zimmerman, the man accused of fatally shooting a boy armed with a pack of Skittles, wanted to become a police officer. Looks like it’s time to kiss that dream goodbye. [Los Angeles Times]

* Give me your lunch money, kid! Teachers aren’t supposed to be bullying students, but that’s what one Baltimore mother is alleging in a $200K lawsuit against the city’s school board. [New York Daily News]

When I visited New York back in January, I stayed with some friends. When I woke up Saturday morning on the couch, my buddy and his roommate had already taken out their laptops and were typing away. I asked, “What are you guys doing today?” They both responded, “Working.”

I could not believe it. It was a surprisingly warm winter day. And my friends decided to remain cooped up in their literally windowless Manhattan apartment. Why wouldn’t they go outside? Go to park, or a bar for some day drinking.

But that’s America. We are always connected, always on call, and ignoring your BlackBerry for more than 90 minutes may be a fireable offense.

It wasn’t always this way. And there are some heretics among us who make a compelling case for a return to the 40-hour work week. Before you shoot the scruffy Californian, hear me out….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Why Americans Need to Work Less (Lawyers, You Too)”

Do you remember the first time you said “but you promised” to somebody who was probably older than you and in the process of not giving you what they said they’d give you? It’s a pathetic feeling: you’ve been counting on something, you see it being pulled away from you, and all you can do is throw yourself upon the mercy of another person’s sense of fair play.

That hopeless feeling is what Sullivan & Cromwell lawyers are feeling as a globally-warmed winter gives way to spring. S&C promised they’d be paying spring bonuses. But here we are, in the spring, and the firm is still silent.

Did they think everybody would forget? Or do they just think that breaking their word is no big deal?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “It’s the First Day of Spring: Has Sullivan & Cromwell Officially Lied About Spring Bonuses?”

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