- Breasts, D.C. Circuit, Guns / Firearms, Health Care / Medicine, Morning Docket, Music, Racism, Rap, Wall Street
- Anna Nicole Smith, Bankruptcy, Barack Obama, Biglaw, Breasts, Heller Ehrman, Money, Morning Docket, SCOTUS, Stanford Law School, Wall Street
* Anna Nicole Smith is still screwing old white men from beyond the grave. Biglaw firms want Heller Ehrman’s claims to be decided in federal court, not bankruptcy court. [Thomson Reuters News & Insight]
* TWU to NYPD: Please don’t force us to listen to these Occupy Wall Street fools. We’d rather have our regular crazies on board. Of course, their lawsuit says it a bit more eloquently. [Wall Street Journal]
- Antonin Scalia, Breasts, Crime, Drinking, Election 2012, Facebook, Morning Docket, Privacy, SCOTUS, Screw-Ups, Violence
- Bar Exams, Breasts, California, Divorce Train Wrecks, Family Law, Kasowitz Benson, Morning Docket, Nancy Grace, Perks / Fringe Benefits, State Judges, State Judges Are Clowns, University of Miami School of Law, Women's Issues
When I was a child, my mom’s friend visited the house and brought her newborn baby with her. Without warning, the woman whipped out her boob and began feeding the newborn in front of me and all of God’s creation. I stared for an uncomfortably long ten seconds at the parasitic orgy, then quickly scampered behind the curtains located less than five feet from the feeding frenzy. As I stood behind the curtains, my face beet red with embarrassment, my mother and her friend tried to coax me out, assuring me that everything would be okay. After an unusually long time behind those curtains, I stomped past the horror and made a beeline to the kitchen. I had to conquer my fear. I was also determined to salvage what was left of my 14th birthday party.
And so it was that a lady filed a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, claiming that she was fired from her job as a teacher because she had to leave the classroom to suck milk out of her boob.
Moooooo-re after the jump!
* The NBA is suing its players for failing to negotiate in good faith. Funny, I think the players are acting with the same “good faith” NBA owners do when they steal teams from loving fan bases or hold cities hostage until they build new arenas. [WSJ Law Blog]
* Having a drunk woman angrily spray breast milk on you is probably not as alluring as it sounds. [Sentencing Law & Policy]
* In other sentencing news, a guy got six weeks in jail for getting his ass kicked by Rupert Murdoch’s wife. [Gawker]
* This is funny because it’s kind of true. [Washington Fancy]
* To win, sometimes lawyers need to be quiet? Man, am I glad I got out of that racket. [Underdog]
* Lawyers should be happy to know that good writing requires doing it over and over and over again. [What About Clients?]
- Biglaw, Breasts, Fashion, Fashion Is Fun, Hotties, Parties, Sexism, Summer Associates, Women's Issues
It’s almost the middle of summer, and it’s hot as hell outside. Partners are starting to relax a little bit, and collars are getting unbuttoned. You think you might have seen someone sporting a pair of flip-flops at the office, but that one was probably a mirage. All of this can mean only one thing: the moment that you’ve been dreading has finally arrived. The invitation to the firm summer party is coming for you — and it might involve a pool or beach.
But do you really want to wear a bathing suit in front of these people? Maybe while you were busy shredding documents this spring, you got distracted and ditched your ab-shredding routine. Maybe while you were trimming the fat from your briefs, you neglected your cottage cheese thighs. And maybe, just maybe, you were lucky enough to graduate from “law school hot” to “law firm hot,” and you’re worried about your colleagues ogling your grand tetons.
Is there such a thing as bathing suit etiquette for a Biglaw summer bash? Apparently there is, so prepare to be de-sexified (as if you’re not undersexed enough as it is)….
For women, summertime is full of difficult decisions: Which swimsuit should I buy? Which sandals should I wear? Do they match my swimsuit? Are my sunglasses too big? Are they making me look like a bug? How should I wear my hair? What time should I go lay out? How much sunscreen should I wear? Should I wear any at all? Ohmigod, my skin is orange… do I look like Snooki?
But for some women, these important decisions take a back seat to the ultimate goal of getting a tan. Some women are like honey badgers: They’re just crazy. They don’t care. They don’t give a sh*t. They just want to lay out in the sun, be it on the beach, beside the pool, or on a rusty old lounge chair in their backyard. Sunburns be damned, because they just want to catch some rays.
And this, my friends, is where the trouble allegedly started for Robin Corrente…
* It looks like Jonathan Lee Riches has some competition. Check out this crazy lawsuit filed against Apple (and many other defendants), by one David Louis Whitehead. Why do the wackos always have three names? [Apple Insider]
* The FTC is holding Google’s
balls feet to the fire over its privacy practices. Want to turn up the heat a few degrees? [EPIC]
* Speaking of body parts, would this lawsuit have turned out differently if the bracelets, instead of promoting breast cancer awareness by declaring “I ♥ Boobies,” promoted testicular cancer awareness and read “I ♥ Balls”? [Philadelphia Inquirer via WSJ Law Blog]
* And speaking of free speech and schools, Congress should proceed with caution when passing anti-harassment legislation. [Chronicle of Higher Education]
You may have noticed that people working in Big Law are more pissed off than usual lately. And I can’t say that I blame them. The threat of associate layoffs still looms large. A six-figure salary barely keeps you off food stamps. White shoe firms are crawling with bed bugs. And herpes. But it looks like there’s a new kid on the block — a pair of kids, actually — gaining traction as the latest target for Big Law acrimony, at least if the state of affairs in and around my firm is any indication: Boobs. Or more to the point, how front and center they should be when it comes to dressing for work.
Now, arguments over appropriate sartorial choices for the workplace, breast-related or otherwise, are nothing new. Panels have been convened over them. Entire websites have been launched about them. Lawsuits have been waged because of them. But when the argument focuses on the degree of exposure — or lack thereof — of female breasts in the workplace, especially in a legal workplace, that’s when tempers really start to get out of control.
I can tell you’re already starting to get a little hot under the collar, aren’t you? OK, look, let’s all just calm down, take a deep breath, and take a tour of some photographic evidence….