I had packed up my things and was about to turn off the light. That’s when the phone rang here at the CircumcisionLawDesk. The shrill tone of the ring sounded more urgent than usual. I put down my box of Pulitzers and picked up the receiver.
“Hell-” “You’ve gotta write quick, Mister! Gawker ran a story on circumcision and it’s crazy!” I replied that I was too old for this game. Tracking down every circumcision tip had left me a hollow shell of a man. But the kid was insistent. “What about the babies???” Now you listen here, you sniveling punk, I said. I was never in it for the babies. Heck, I never could figure out just what I thought about circumcision. Mutilation, health, hygiene, aesthetics. The whole racket made my head spin. And that’s when the young punk said something that set me on my present course.
“There might be a lawsuit. Some Jews are crazy-mad about a new regulation passed by the City of New York and they’re threatening all kinds of holy hell over it. It’s not that New York is outlawing circumcision. It’s not about that. It’s that… well, it’s that some of these Jewish folks do something.” Out with it! “I can’t… I don’t wanna say… It’s that these Jewish fellas, some of them… Well…”
The location of the chain on the frank is a bit... suggestive.
* Oh goodness — this might be too much Weiner, even for me. It’s the transcript (PDF) of Anthony Weiner’s nine-month cyber sex relationship with a 40-year-old blackjack dealer in Las Vegas. [Radar Online]
* This wiener probably isn’t getting a “World’s Best Dad” mug on Father’s Day from his ex-Skadden daughter. [Law Shucks]
* In continuing wiener coverage, anti-circumcision queen Jena Troutman is cutting out her crusade against circumcision in Santa Monica. [The Atlantic Wire]
* Rounding out our wiener news, here’s a dispatch from Chicago. [WSJ Law Blog]
* Musical Chairs: Mark Walker, former managing partner at über-diverse Cleary Gottlieb, is leaving the firm for Lazard, the über-elite investment bank. Ka-ching! [Am Law Daily]
* Think that accounting firms are so much more family-friendly than law firms? Think again. [The Careerist]
The phone’s been ringing off the hook here at the Circumcision Law Desk all weekend, so I apologize in advance if this post comes off sounding a bit distracted. Oftentimes, the intersection of foreskin and law is a lonely corridor filled with nothing but shattered dreams and crying babies.
Over the weekend, the New York Times published an article that did a pretty good job of illuminating where we are at in the pitched legal battle over circumcision. As mentioned at the end of the last dispatch from the Circumcision Law Desk, the forces of full-bodied penises have turned their attention to passing legislation that outlaws circumcision.
As Elie pointed out two weeks ago, San Franciscans will be voting this fall on whether to ban circumcision. And they’re not alone.
After the jump, find out what happens when people stop being polite and start trying to pass laws that outlaw circumcision and, in the process, piss off an entire religion (and blogger Andrew Sullivan)….
It’s been pretty slow here at the Above the Law circumcision law desk. So slow, in fact, that Lat has considered putting me on another assignment: “There’s just not enough news surrounding the intersection of foreskin and the legal community. While I appreciate your enthusiasm for the amusing dong beat…I don’t know if the financials can possibly justify keeping you on.”
Every time he starts in on this speech, I have to break out a photo of 16 vaguely ethnic kids that I claim to take care of. This happens at least twice a week.
So you can imagine how excited I was to find this fascinating tale that might shock and amaze you. It’s the story of a full-time lawyer and part-time exhibitionist named….
Julian Assange looks way too much like Julian Sands.
* A Spanish woman has claimed ownership of the sun. Similarly, my father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. [Daily Mail]
* Yesterday, Eric Holder said that the Justice Department was conducting a “very serious” investigation into insider trading on Wall Street. Rachael Ray’s going down. [Bloomberg]
* The Justice Department is also investigating whether WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange violated the Espionage Act. The Espionage Act is, of course, a euphemism for “two Swedish ladies.” [Washington Post]
* Critics say the arrest of Mohamed Osman Mohamud was the result of entrapment. The government, however, says Mohamud was given several opportunities to scrap his War on Christmas Trees. [New York Times]
* Greenpeace has accused two chemical companies of corporate espionage. Make up your own joke. I don’t care about the environment. [WSJ Law Blog]
* A mortgage-fraud trial will be in recess next week so that a lawyer can attend his grandson’s bris. Hey circumcision warriors…you mad? [New York Post]
Protip: Don’t look up the Wikipedia entry for foreskin. Don’t do it even if you have to write a post about a baby who was given a circumcision against his parents’ wishes. Vera Delgado, the baby’s mother, had left the hospital to shower and get a change of clothes. Just long enough for Nurse Ratched and the gang to do the do. Delgado’s lawyer, Spencer Aronfeld, summed up the understandable reaction:
“It was horrific, quite frankly,” said Aronfeld. “The parents were very explicit they did not want him circumcised, and [the hospital] had asked the parents repeatedly.”
Since announcing Delgado would sue, Aronfeld said he has received countless supportive e-mail messages and seen social network postings from so-called “intactivists” who oppose circumcision.
“People who are passionate about not circumcising their children are sending me Facebook messages, like, “I love you. You are my hero!”
So the mother is suing the hospital. Of course (not of course), we all remember from law school (from Google) that Benjamin Cardozo wrote the seminal opinion in which an unwanted surgical procedure was legally classified as battery. And that’s exactly what the mother is suing the hospital for. All fine and well. Somebody messed up, and “Oops!” isn’t going to cut it.
But it’s not the dollar amount of $1 million that jumps out from the story….
* Last month, we asked if cheerleading is a sport. A judge has answered, “no.” [CT Post]
* Two words that should never be in the same sentence: “botched” and “circumcision.” [Bad Lawyer]
* Now that the FCC has been stopped in its anti-speech tracks, can the rest of television become as good as HBO? Because if I have to see one more promo for Rizzoli & Isles I’m going to have to burn my Abbie Carmichael blow-up doll. [Infamy or Praise]
* Here’s some deposition advice. Learning practical lawyering skills will be good for people who can no longer count on a few years of brainless doc. review while they get their feet wet. [What About Clients?]
* Try becoming a “shadow elite.” It’s like a ninja only much less cool. [Law and More]
* Is anybody else sick of real Lindsay Lohan news? Don’t worry. Today we bring you fake Lindsay Lohan news. [Laws for Attorneys]
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