Class Rings

If you would all turn to the chapter “On Jewelery” in your official “Being A Man” handbook, the section on rings clearly states, “A man shall only wear rings so earned through championship level athletic achievement, rings signifying a bond of holy matrimony, or rings that others can be forced to kiss in supplication to your rule. There is a limited exception to this rule if you are the protector of Sector 2814.”

Obviously, the rules for women are a little different. But I’m not aware of any situation where it is appropriate for a normally adjusted person to wear a class ring that they purchased from their high school or college.

Wearing a high school class ring tells everybody, “My life peaked at 17 and I’m going to die in the same town I grew up in.”

Wearing a college class ring says, “Just because I can’t make a jump shot or even credibly throw a Frisbee doesn’t mean my accomplishments in the classroom shouldn’t be rewarded. Well, ‘accomplishments’ in the broadest sense, it’s not like I’m a Rhodes Scholar or within shouting distance of the top of my class or anything.”

Wearing a law school class ring should be like putting a magnet on your hand that is irresistibly attracted to your face so you can’t stop punching yourself….

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