* “I don’t know what you heard about me, but a bitch can’t get a dollar out of me.” Truer lyrics have never been rapped. 50 Cent’s legal team will face off in bankruptcy court against lawyers for a woman owed $5 million thanks to a sex-tape scandal. [Business Insider]
* You may be happy that income-based loan repayment exists and is saving you from defaulting on your law school debts, but in a few decades, you’re probably going to get F’d in the A by a ticking tax time bomb. [Student Loan Ranger / U.S. News]
* If you missed it, James Eagan Holmes, the shooter in the Dark Knight movie theater massacre in Colorado, was convicted for killing 12 people and wounding 70 others. Next up is the sentencing phase of his trial, and the death penalty is on the table. [Denver Post]
* The head honchos at Goldman Sachs are sad their second-quarter profits were reduced by ~half thanks to protracted litigation stemming from the financial crisis. The bank had to put away $1.45B for “mortgage-related litigation.” [DealBook / New York Times]
* The stars at night may be big and bright deep in the heart of Texas, but Berg & Androphy, led by attorney David Berg, is trying its hand at big city life in New York. It got the hang of things, y’all: B&A has already poached two Kasowitz partners. [Lawdragon]
* After closing arguments in the Dark Knight movie massacre trial, the case against accused shooter James Holmes now goes to a jury. He’s facing 165 criminal charges, and if found guilty, he may be sentenced to death. [NBC News]
* A federal magistrate judge ordered the NCAA to pay almost $46 million in legal fees and costs to lawyers representing student-athletes in their antitrust suit against the organization, and he even likened the case to Game of Thrones in his decision. This is a monumental win. [Reuters]
* Last night, SCOTUS denied a stay of execution for Mississippi death row inmate David Zink, even though his lawyers cited Justice Breyer’s recent death penalty dissent in Glossip with high hopes that the Court would act in their client’s favor. [National Law Journal]
* For your information, the gender gap in the legal profession extends far beyond pay and partnership prospects. According to a recent study by the American Bar Association, about two-thirds of all attorneys who appeared in federal civil trials were men [WSJ Law Blog]
* Going to law school in an underserved community that isn’t overflowing with lawyers is great for résumés, because the University of New Mexico School of Law is seriously bucking the trend of its students having difficulty finding jobs after graduation. [KOB 4]
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Justice Alito’s opinion in today’s death penalty case may not have been a surprise, but his unwitting undermining of conservative values was a surprise twist.
Is Jon Stewart’s monologue funny? No. Is it poignant and worth your time? Absolutely.
* Nebraska banned the death penalty. Does this signal a new conservative opposition to the practice? Well, is there a way this can make private prison lobbyists more money? Because then, yes. [FiveThirtyEight]
* The best way to sway a Supreme Court justice? Represent clients that the justices have financial stakes in. [Fix the Court]
* Pharmaceutical companies are peeved that lawyers are using Facebook to identify class action plaintiffs. Why aren’t people content to suffer grievous injury for the sake of profits anymore? [Bloomberg Business]
* Now you can know for sure if your job will be replaced by a robot. Good news, lawyers! Unfortunately, I don’t think this thing’s taking into account document reviewers. [Postgrad Problems]
* Jawbone is accusing Fitbit of poaching workers to steal its technology. Ten points to the tipster for the line: “Think this will all work out?” [Slate]
* Two Biglaw partners from rival firms have joined forces on a new challenge Native American adoption rules. It helps that they’re married to each other. [National Law Journal]
* An interesting perspective: “innovation” is more than technology, and it starts with debt relief. [Rawr]
* A former state senate candidate charged with witness tampering. At least he’s got experience with the system — his dad’s political career ended in a hail of guilty pleas too. [Nashoba Publishing]
* Brace yourselves for a shocker, but Biglaw is failing women. [The American Lawyer]
* David Gans on the upcoming “one person, one vote” claim. The proposition at issue, that representation is based on “voters” not “persons,” is so laughably unconstitutional the Court is clearly just trolling us at this point. I mean, putting aside the horrible racism, isn’t the 3/5ths compromise pretty compelling evidence that the Founders meant to count people who didn’t vote? [Constitutional Accountability Center]
How could the jury believe that a person so young could be so unredeemable? That the only satisfactory conclusion to his heinous acts would be his own death?
* Jose Baez of Casey Anthony trial fame gave the commencement address at Valparaiso Law this weekend and let graduates know that they, too, can be attorneys, even if they’ve been financially irresponsible. They’re letting this man teach at Harvard Law now. [The Times]
* Suffolk Law and Cardozo Law will have new deans this summer, and both are planning for smaller classes. Considering Suffolk’s plummeting LSAT scores (and standards?), its new dean may have bigger problems to deal with than filling seats. [National Law Journal]
* He “Pressure Drop[ped]” the ball: If you could take the LSAT or open for the Rolling Stones with Toots and the Maytals, which would you pick? This Paul Hastings partner took the test, and says it’s his only regret about choosing law over music. [Am Law Daily]
* Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev may have been sentenced to death last week, but it’s highly unlikely that his punishment will be carried out any time soon, if at all. Instead, he’ll be putting his lawyers to work for time ad infinitum. [WSJ Law Blog]
* “[D]on’t let anyone say that Charleston School of Law was already in trouble.” A local attorney says that this soon-to-fail law school only started circling the drain after its proposed sale to InfiLaw was announced. That’s quite the indictment. [Post and Courier]
Dzhokar Tsarnaev deserves to die. That doesn’t mean we should kill him.
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* Andrew and Alecia Schmuhl, the husband-and-wife lawyer duo accused of treating a law firm managing partner and his wife to a “torture session,” had a hearing this week where it was revealed that Andrew allegedly slit the managing partner’s throat. [Washington Post]
* ‘We’re asking you to choose life. Yes, even for the Boston Marathon bomber.” Jurors began deliberating in the death penalty phase of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s trial late yesterday afternoon. It’s worth noting that the last time someone was executed in Massachusetts was 70 years ago. [Boston Globe]
* “Explaining these persistent gender disparities in income … has proven to be much more difficult than simply identifying them.” Per a study conducted by Harvard Law, the wage gap for women in the law has been growing since 1975. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg]
* The deadly Amtrak derailment hit too close to home for attorneys in the Northeast who travel frequently on the Acela line. In fact, some of our best tips have come from Acela trips. Our thoughts are with those who were affected by the crash. [National Law Journal]
* A sexy little spat: Dov Charney, the ex-CEO of American Apparel, filed a $20M defamation suit against the company, claiming that despite what employees were told, he never agreed that he’d stay away from American Apparel for good. [Los Angeles Times]
* Ever argued about weed before SCOTUS? Ever argued about weed before SCOTUS… while high? The Supreme Court asked Solicitor General Donald Verrilli Jr. to weigh in on the marijuana border wars suit filed by Oklahoma and Nebraska against Colorado. [Denver Post]
* Well, that was quick! After enacting this rule just last year, the ABA now wants to put a stop to law schools using an exception that would allow up to 10 percent of their entering classes to consist of students admitted without having taken the LSAT. [ABA Journal]
* Landon Thomas, a 2014 NYU Law graduate, has been missing for more than a week. He was last seen in Harlem on April 27. His friends and family have set up a Facebook page to aid in the search. If you have any information, please call the police. [DNAinfo]
* Corinthian Colleges, a higher education system that ran an employment falsification scam that was eerily similar to what law schools were once doing, has gone belly up, and Biglaw firms are swooping in like vultures to get in on the action. [Am Law Daily]
* After being convicted on 30 federal charges last month, Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev showed some emotion for the first time during the penalty phase of his trial, where he was seen wiping a tear while his aunt sobbed on the stand. [TIME]
Does a person sentenced to death have the right to be unconscious at the time of his death? No, argues columnist Tamara Tabo.
* Attorney General Holder reminds the DOJ not to hire hookers. [Politico]
* A new demographic angry over gay marriage: gay men who want to protect their sham marriages. Didn’t expect this to be a fight. [Slate]
* Once you’ve finished binge-watching on Netflix, we ask: is Matt Murdock an ethical lawyer? [Radford & Keebaugh]
* Patent attorney David Healey at Fish and Richardson is coming out. Here’s the trailer. [YouTube]
* Richard Hsu talks about jumping off of perfectly good cliffs with Shane Glynn, Product Counsel at Google. [Hsu Untied]
* Garry Trudeau explains that just because we can say something doesn’t mean we should. Ken questions this logic. In the end though, he proves too much: there are so many powerful, biting criticisms to make that we shouldn’t have to resort to dumb caricatures. [Popehat]
* Intelligence Squared is hosting a debate on the death penalty. Watch it online Wednesday at 6:45 p.m. Eastern. [Fora.tv]
* Is it just me, or does her account actually sound awfully suspicious? [Gawker]
After looking at the death penalty through the eyes of those facing it, alternatives to lethal injection, even the firing squad, might not look quite so objectionable.
* Jury can’t agree to put Jodi Arias to death, guaranteeing Morning Docket/Non-Sequiturs fodder for the next 25 to life. [HLN TV]
* The best students in the country are looking at law school… and passing. Get ready for the “now’s the best time to go to law school” articles! [Associate’s Mind]
* It’s time you lawyers do something good for the world. Here’s an easy proposal for how you can help someone today. [What About Clients?]
* A San Diego law student is suing the school, alleging that the university tried to discourage her from reporting that she’d been raped. [NBC San Diego]
* Dean Richard Gershon is stepping down from his post at Ole Miss Law. Professor Deborah Bell will serve as interim dean. [Hotty Toddy]
* Paul Hastings Chair Seth Zachary discusses the future of Biglaw. He “predicts extreme change along the lines of the Soviet political movement, Perestroika.” Wake us when Peter Kalis is climbing on a tank. [Bloomberg BNA — Big Law Business]
For Judge Jones, the victory must be bittersweet.