Football

* Former tax partner gets two year prison sentence. Maybe he can claim a good behavior deduction. [New York Law Journal]

* Chilling report on South Carolina’s routine violation of constitutional norms. [New York Times]

* Top in-house counsel share their thoughts on forging a privacy policy. As we all know, the first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club. [Law.com]

* Austria’s racism manages to punish a law student in a shark costume. It’s the saddest moment for sharks since Left Shark. [Lowering the Bar]

* Checking in on Rogers Stevens, the Blind Melon guitarist who now works as a mid-level Labor and Employment attorney at Ballard Spahr. [Coverage Opinions]

* Experts say the Cowboys edict that the team will bench anyone who kneels during the anthem doesn’t run afoul of the NLRA… yet. [Law360]

* A conversation with Ellisen Turner, Irell & Manella’s newly minted managing partner, about race and discrimination and the added pressure that comes with being a person of color in the legal industry. [Am Law Daily]

* According to a lawsuit filed against the NFL and the New England Patriots by Aaron Hernandez’s family, the former football player who was serving a life sentence for murder at the time of his death had a “severe case” of CTE. Jose Baez, the family’s attorney, said Hernandez had “the most severe case [researchers] had ever seen for someone of Aaron’s age.” [CBS Boston]

* A man after Trump’s own heart: During a recent speaking engagement, Justice Neil Gorsuch explained why he believes judges ought to be conservative on the bench, saying that “the job of the judge to apply it, not amend the law … even when he might well prefer a very different outcome.” Later, he said judges must stick to interpreting laws instead of rewriting them. [Associated Press]

* Uh-oh. Skadden is under fire for work the firm did for Paul Manafort five years ago. Apparently Manafort asked the firm to write a report justifying the jailing of a client’s political rival, and it’s coming back to haunt them. The DOJ wants the firm to hand over all documents having to do with the matter. [New York Times]

* After being fired by President Donald Trump for her refusal to defend the travel ban, former Acting U.S. Attorney General Sally Yates has found a new home, at least for this semester. Yates will serve as a Distinguished Lecturer from Government at Georgetown Law. Congratulations! [Law.com]

* In an effort to bring on-campus residential life back for law students — and thanks to alumni donations totaling $60 million — Yale Law is expanding its campus for the first time in almost 100 years. Construction on the new dorm is expected to be completed by the end of next summer. [Yale Daily News]

* Northwestern Dean Dan Rodriguez perfectly sums up the California bar’s decision to punt on the cut score question. [PrawfsBlawg]

* The Equifax hack leaves 143 million people vulnerable. But the Equifax executives may end up the most vulnerable after they reacted to the breach by selling shares… fast. Oh, who are we kidding? This DOJ isn’t going to prosecute that! [Huffington Post]

* The Empire’s stormtrooper armor is really terrible. [The Legal Geeks]

* Professor Douglas Litowitz is on the law school job market, and he’s rejecting all rejection letters. “I wish them great success in placing their rejection letters with other candidates. I have simply received a sufficient number of excellent rejection letters already.” [Faculty Lounge]

* The University of Colorado faces a lawsuit over allegedly protecting a football coach over an a domestic abuse survivor. No one ever lost money betting against schools changing their cultures on a dime, but honestly we’re not far removed from the last round of lawsuits about the school’s hostile environment. [Rewire]

* How much do you know about “The Reid Method”? Wyatt Kozinski (Judge Kozinski’s son) calls for a new “Wickersham Commission” to investigate the method’s role in a spate of false confessions undermining the credibility of the criminal justice system. That said, the President’s first foray into politics was calling for executions based on false confessions, so maybe we shouldn’t hold our breaths for this commission. [The Crime Report]

* Irma threatens lives… and the return of an overused metaphor. [Law and More]

* Speaking of hurricanes, Harvey has spawned its first lawsuit. [The Atlantic]

* Another edition of “bad places to hide.” [Lowering the Bar]

* Congratulations to lawyer Anthony Franze, author of The Outsider (affiliate link), on the thriller getting picked up for possible television development! [Deadline]

* Harvard Law School unveils new plaque recognizing the contributions of Isaac Royall’s slaves. [Smithsonian Magazine] * In an open letter, 47 high-profile conservatives, including Brent Bozell of the Media Research Center, Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council and former Attorney General Edwin Meese III, blast the Southern Poverty Law Center for using the […]

* On Tuesday, a Major League Baseball game had fewer than 6,000 in attendance. At the same time, the Second Circuit has to grapple with the fact that we still give this sport an antitrust exemption. [Law360]

* Justice William O’Neill of the Ohio Supreme Court took to Facebook to blast Cleveland Browns players for staging a silent, reverential protest of racial violence in America. With that, O’Neill successfully completes the first step in running for governor. [ABA Journal]

* “How do you go from the sixth-largest media market to the 40th and call it a win?” Antitrust attorney James Quinn on the NFL’s decision to move the Raiders to Las Vegas. [New York Law Journal]

* The battle between the St. Louis Cardinals and an animal welfare organization has stepped up a notch. I promise there’s non-sports legal news after the jump. [Deadspin]

* Hilarity ensues when Jeff Flake holds a hearing on splitting the Ninth Circuit and the hard-core Trump people use it to troll him. [The Recorder]

* Children conceived from frozen sperm can’t get survivor benefits. Well, this is a wacky one. [Law.com]

* Department of Education outlines the options available to Charlotte Law students. [Inside Higher Ed]

* Ministry objects to SPLC “hate group” label issued over a history of staunch anti-LGBT activism. [Sun-Sentinel]

* I like football, I really do. But, uggh. It is getting harder and harder to justify. [Deadspin]

* The only law John Kelly will ever have to understand. [Clickhole]

* I mean… this will never get passed. But, legalizing marijuana and combating the racial injustice of the war on drugs is a great idea. [Huffington Post]

* Things don’t look good for public-sector unions in front of the Supreme Court. [Lawyers, Guns and Money]

* Tips for building a great work style. [Corporette]

* Charting the government’s responsibility for segregation. [Chronicle of Higher Education]

* There’s a club forming for JDs who have been given the boot by President Trump. [Law and More]

* Now Ivanka Trump’s hired Abbe Lowell. Hey, at least she doesn’t think she has any potentially adverse interests to her husband. Yet. [National Law Journal]

* Elon Musk may be looking for in-house counsel for the burrowing company he claims has a government deal to start building underground highways and super trains. First step for this new attorney? Explaining that, no, he does not have a government contract to start building underground highways and super trains. [Law.com]

* NFL cheerleaders can’t pursue antitrust action against entity that’s already lost an antitrust action. Remember that? When Donald Trump bankrupted a football league because he’s comically incompetent? [Courthouse News Service]

* Wells Fargo inadvertently released a bunch of client data and they want it back. One presumes these are real Wells Fargo clients and not the millions of fake ones. [Law360]

* ABA warns against weakening Medicaid. I’m sure that’s going to do the trick with this crew. [ABA Journal]

* Has R. Kelly hired Bill Cosby’s attorney? [Complex]

* An argument for Jeff Sessions keeping his job. [Litigation Daily]

* Happy Comey Day! [Huffington Post]

* Legal operations teams are rampant, proving no one trusts Biglaw billing. [Corporate Counsel]

* Sessions ends DOJ settlements that give money to charitable causes — a common tactic in matters where identifying all specific victims would be difficult or impossible. This is played off as “helping victims” because nothing helps victims more than making sure the perpetrator feels no penalty for their wrongdoing. [ABA Journal]

* The “Mansfield Rule” tries to bring NFL thinking to a Biglaw problem. Now if we could just address all those junior associate concussions…. [Law.com]

* The American Immigration Lawyers Association is relocating its upcoming convention to get out of Texas. So the state has successfully built itself a wall — against tourism dollars. [Texas Tribune]

* DOJ asking Second Circuit to consider what Escobar means for Wells Fargo. In other words, it’s time to circle the wagons at Wells Fargo. [Law360]

* Norton Rose Fulbright considering merger. [Legal Week]

* “Gimmie an L!” Antitrust suit brought by Oakland Raiders cheerleaders dismissed. On the bright side, they’re all losing their jobs to a bunch of Vegas “dancers” soon anyway. [Litigation Daily]

* Cleary prevailed in the discrimination suit brought against it, but the real story here is a reminder that Trump made a dating show and now he has nuclear codes. [Law.com]

* Russian bank sues Buzzfeed over “Pissgate,” which is really more of a “Pissghazi.” [Courthouse News Service]

* The biggest 400 law firms in the country. Did we really need to go all the way to 400? [Law360]

* Speaking of accolades you didn’t think we needed, Wilmer Hale is the D.C. Litigation Department of the Year. [National Law Journal]

* Ralph Baxter is toying with a congressional run in West Virginia. So… somebody expects a 2018 Democratic wave. [Am Law Daily]

* How to reform the MDL process? Get more judges involved. [Corporate Counsel]

* “When the founders wrote the Declaration of Independence, they invoked our creator four times, because in America we don’t worship government we worship God.” Guess who was awarded an honorary law degree this weekend? It was none other that President Donald Trump, who delivered the commencement address at Liberty University on Saturday morning. [The Hill; TIME]

* The Pink Ghetto (Partner Edition)? A Proskauer Rose partner has filed a $50M gender bias suit against the firm, claiming she was not only paid less than male colleagues, but that she was “overtly objectified based on her sex” when a fellow partner allegedly “made inappropriate comments regarding her appearance, body, clothing, or ‘sexiness'” on numerous occasions. [Am Law Daily]

* Tarra Simmons has quite the résumé: she’s a convicted felon and former drug addict who also happens to be the recipient of a prized Skadden fellowship. Unfortunately, she may not be able to practice law thanks to a recommendation from the Washington State Bar Association’s Character and Fitness Board that she be denied bar admission. She plans to appeal. [Northwest Public Radio]

* Walter “Chet” Little, a former Foley & Lardner partner, has been arrested on insider trading charges that stem from his time at the firm. Soon after finding out about the nature of the charges, Bradley Arant Boult Cummings, his current firm, politely showed him the door. If convicted, Little will likely face quite the lengthy prison term and a fine of up to $5 million. Ouch. [WSJ Law Blog]

* “There was never a question of whether I was going to go to law school or not. It was just when I was going to go….” Chris Carr, a former cornerback for the Baltimore Ravens, is set to graduate from GW Law School this weekend. He’ll be taking the California bar exam this summer, but he recently accepted a job offer at an immigration law firm in Virginia. Congratulations! [Washington Post]

* Today is World IP Day. Oh wait, that’s wrong. “Today is World IP Day.^TM” [World Intellectual Property Organization]

* A pair of twins is graduating from UVA Law. In other news, it’s a really slow news day at UVA. [UVA Today]

* Alabama is voting to put an anti-abortion amendment in their state constitution because there’s literally not a single other issue requiring the attention of Alabama lawmakers. [The Hill]

* Johnny Depp’s managers don’t trust him. [USA Today]

* This woman does not like xylophones. [Lowering the Bar]

* For Serial fans in Minnesota, Sarah Koenig and Julie Snyder are speaking in your town on May 10. [Beth El Synagogue]

* A tribute to death penalty litigator Steve Bright. [Katz Justice]

* The Beast shouldn’t be forgiven at the end of Beauty and the Beast. [The Legal Geeks]

* Aaron Hernandez did not write a note to a prison lover, according to his lawyer. [CBS Sports]