Fried Frank

* While the convict at the center of a UN bribery scheme was no doubt pleased to avoid jail time, he was ordered to get all his private massages with bedroom door open in view of assigned guards to ensure Chinese language messages aren’t being passed secretly. That’s not a happy ending at all. [Law360]

* It’s not exactly news that an ethics expert thinks Trump should be impeached. But this time the expert has fun visual aides for everyone whose attention span has been battered by cable news. [Facebook]

* Reminder that “Breaking Bad” shouldn’t be a blueprint for your legal career. [WTOL]

* Miami may no longer be a sanctuary city, but others aren’t giving up so easily. When someone brings a dubiously constitutional threat, you bring a lawsuit. That’s the Chicago way. [Courthouse News Service]

* So-called judge has some problems with the way the administration talks about jurists. [Law.com]

* Fried Frank gets malpractice claim kicked to the curb. [Texas Lawyer]

* You can’t patent podcasts. Phew. That’s one fewer category of trolls Thinking Like A Lawyer has to deal with. [The Recorder]

* UC Hastings has a new academic dean. [UC Hastings]

* S&C may be Trump’s second favorite law firm, but don’t count your chickens on SEC nominee Jay Clayton yet — the Office of Government and Ethics has flagged some potential conflicts of interest. [Law360]

* Law schools often discriminate against women by undercompensating positions that skew female. Sure this is important, but is it as egregious an act of discrimination as not valuing originalist scholarship? [Law.com]

* Three firms admit to overbilling for temp and staff attorneys. [Am Law Daily]

* Ninth Circuit says Dodd-Frank provides broad whistleblower protection, which sets up an intriguing circuit split for the roughly three weeks Dodd-Frank remains a law. [National Law Journal]

* Key cybertrends of 2017. [Legaltech News]

* Fried Frank has its best year ever while the rest of you experienced 2016 as a runaway train of sadness. [Am Law Daily]

* Robot lawyer assisting refugees, making it official that even cyborgs have more of a heart than some politicians. [BBC News]

* The outcomes of misconduct complaints against members of the federal judiciary will now be posted online for your viewing pleasure to “provide for greater transparency” — and schadenfreude. This could wind up being entertaining, so keep your eyes peeled. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Apparently there are people out there who don’t know that law schools are in trouble and have been for a while, which is certainly news to us. See how the dean of UNLV School of Law explains the “new normal” to a human interest writer. [Las Vegas Review-Journal]

* The White House just launched a nationwide movement to encourage legal immigrants in America to become U.S. citizens. What a happy coincidence that this campaign will likely add millions of voters to the rolls just in time for Election 2016. [New York Times]

* Per a report from The Real Deal, real estate practices are heating up in Biglaw firms across New York City. Firms like Fried Frank, Skadden, and Proskauer are expanding their real estate groups, so be on the lookout, laterals. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* Harvard Law is supposed to be overseeing the rollout of a new Title IX program for the reporting of sexual harassment, but so many of the administrators who were in charge of its implementation have left that its come to a standstill. Oopsie! [Harvard Crimson]

* Even more law schools are doing away with their LSAT requirements. Let’s give a great big welcome to Drake Law and St. John’s Law, who are joining the likes of SUNY Buffalo Law and Iowa Law. Woohoo, welcome aboard the bandwagon, folks! [U.S. News & World Report]

* Judge James W. Haley Jr. of the Virginia Court of Appeals held a drunk intruder at gunpoint while he waited for the police to arrive. This unwanted houseguest was only wearing one shoe as he wandered through the judge’s home. Oopsie! [Free Lance-Star]

* Well, that was quick. Fried Frank has hired away James “Jamie” Wareham, DLA Piper’s $5 million man, about four years after he lateraled to the firm from Paul Hastings. April Fools’ Day was his last day at the firm… or was it? J/K, it was for real. [Am Law Daily]

* J. Michael Farren, the ex-White House lawyer who was convicted of attempting to murder his wife and sentenced to 15 years in prison, is now facing the loss of his law license. This should really be the very least of his worries. [Connecticut Law Tribune]

* The U.S. Marshals Service has increased the reward for tips related to the shooting of U.S. District Judge Terrence Berg. Now you’ll get $50,000 if you’ve got information that’ll lead to arrests and convictions of the suspects who shot a federal jurist. [Detroit News]

* Preet Bharara, the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York, was recently referred to as the “most dangerous man in American politics.” Why’s that, you ask? It’s because he’s “a federal prosecutor who doesn’t give a f*ck.” Damn straight. [BuzzFeed]

* Just when you thought the Alan Dershowitz sex scandal couldn’t get any more intense, the investigative sleuths over at Gawker found flight records that allegedly place the professor as a passenger on a billionaire bad boy’s pedo plane. [Gawker]

* Dewey know which former chairman of a failed firm had to beg to get a refund on his bail money because he couldn’t otherwise afford to pay the expert witnesses for his upcoming criminal trial? Aww. Poor, poor Steven Davis. [New York Law Journal]

* Fried Frank’s chairman says that completely pulling the firm out of Asia was a “difficult but necessary decision.” On the other hand, an ex-partner at the firm says this move had basically been “inevitable” since at least 2009. Hmm. [Am Law Daily]

* If you want advice on how to pick a “cost-efficient” law school, the first thing you should realize is that your scholarships may come back to bite you in the ass. Go on, read the fine print — after all, you want to be a lawyer. [U.S. News & World Report]

* Fried Frank is closing down its Hong Kong and Shanghai offices because they were costing the firm more money than they were bringing in. What’ll happen to the lawyers who work there? Most of them will be huòdé dìyù. [Am Law Daily]

* Not everyone can match the New York market when it comes to Biglaw bonuses. According to disputed rumors, associates in some practices of at least one Chicago law firm didn’t receive any bonus at all. Which firm? [Crain’s Chicago Business]

* We often complain that women are getting the short end of the stick in Biglaw, but today we’ve got a nice little caveat. At some large law firms in at least one city, more women are making partner than their male counterparts. [National Law Journal]

* UVA hired Pepper Hamilton to consult on its inept handling of sexual assault cases while O’Melveny & Myers deals with its Rolling Stone gang rape allegations. Collars shall be half-popped until the school gets serious about these issues. [Newsplex]

* Whittier Law, home to one of the worst full-time, long-term employment rates in the country, hopes to give grads a “legal leg-up” with its new solo incubator program — because “[e]ducation and training doesn’t end when they graduate.” [Daily Pilot]

* Wet Seal joined the ranks of teen retailers like Deb and Delia’s when it dumped lots of locations and filed for Chapter 11. New code provisions might’ve sped things along, but like, being a debtor-in-possession is totally uncool. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Per the Department of Education, Harvard Law sucks at handling sexual assault and harassment complaints. As it turns out, the DoE only found out about the misconduct because a faculty member from New England Law snitched on the Ivy League school. [Boston.com]

* Everything’s bigger in Texas, including the penalties for pot possession. One state legislator wants to change that in the new year, and hopes his colleagues will puff, puff, pass his bill in favor of small civil fines instead of jail sentences. [VICE]

* “If the court has been waiting until the country is more comfortable with gay marriage, they’ve waited long enough.” The first SCOTUS conference of 2015 will focus on gay marriage cases. It’d be fabulous if they took one. [Supreme Court Brief]

* Latham and Fried Frank are going to be advising on Shake Shack’s initial public offering. Hungry attorneys working on the IPO will be disappointed to learn that their client doesn’t have any public offerings for consumption on Seamless. [Am Law Daily]

* The bankruptcy trustee for the late, great, defunct firm of Howrey LLP keeps lining up big settlements for its remaining creditors. This time, Wiley Rein will contribute $1 million to the failed firm’s coffers. Howrey like dem apples? [Wall Street Journal]