Fundamental Unfairness

In Proof of an External World, G. E. Moore famously defended the concept of certainty: Moore could put his hand in front of his face and say (with certainty): “Here is a hand.”

Ludwig Wittgenstein disagreed. Wittgenstein was uncertain whether he knew — with certainty — that the hand in front of his face actually existed. The first sentence of Wittgenstein’s On Certainty reads: “If you do know that here is one hand, we’ll grant you all the rest.”

(Hah! You thought you came to Above the Law to read about bonuses and pictures of naked judges. It turns out that we’re epistemology through and through. But I digress.)

On three recent occasions, I’ve heard (or heard of) people asking, “Are you sure?”

I’m with Wittgenstein on this one: I can’t even tell you that “this is my hand,” for heaven’s sake; how dare you ask if I’m sure about a legal judgment?

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Maybe for some people, hearing that someone you’ve met was class valedictorian for high school, college, or law school is still impressive. I’m not one of those people, but maybe I’m in the minority. A controversy is currently brewing at Southern Methodist University’s Dedman School of Law over this year’s choice for valedictorian.

Some soon-to-be graduates are upset that a transfer student earned the title. It’s just not fair, they say, to swoop in after an easy-peasy year at some lower-ranked school and show up at a new school to demolish everyone else’s GPAs by comparison.

Let’s see the details of what’s happening down in Texas, and then take a poll: do you think transfer students should be able to earn the valedictorian title?

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I know that the movie Idiocracy stars Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph. But if you are at all concerned with the future of humanity, you really need to watch it. The premise of the movie is that smart people have fewer kids than dumb people. And so, over time, humanity gets dumber.

THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING.

And, sorry to say, but the women of Biglaw are partially to blame. WE NEED YOUR SMART BABIES. I know that’s a double standard. I know it’s fundamentally unfair that women have to pass a bowling ball through their vagina while men have to, worst case scenario, jerk off into a cup. But I didn’t make the rules.

And dumb women, all across the world, are pumping out impoverished spawn as if there was an invisible being that lives in the sky who outlaws birth control.

Smart ladies aren’t holding up their end of the bargain. I have proof!

Well, the Wall Street Journal has proof….

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