Immigration

* Have you heard that Staci invited Justice Ginsburg to her wedding? [TIME]

* The Fourth Circuit welcomes Virginia to the fold of marriage equality. [National Law Journal]

* What might be the biggest insider trading case ever hinges on Greenberg Traurig. [New York Post]

* Most exciting of all is that we may never need to hear the depressing “copyright-free” Happy Birthday song ever again. [boingboing]

* With all the fire-breathing over the humanitarian crisis at the Mexican border, Texas Judge Clay Jenkins stands out for being reasonable. “I don’t feel like we have to solve the border crisis for a terrified child to be shown some compassion.” Why don’t we hear about more people like Judge Jenkins? This article suggests there’s a deeper problem with the media. [Dallas Observer]

* I’ve been beating the drum that the Obamacare cases aren’t bound for SCOTUS because the D.C. Circuit will reverse Halbig en banc. The contrary view is that the Supreme Court may not let the lack of a real circuit split stand in its way. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* Outrage over the government’s school lunch health standards have Republicans fighting back at the state level. Remember, we need fatass kids because… freedom! [National Journal]

* The Second Circuit approved antibiotics in animal feed for animals that aren’t even sick. Enjoy your superbugs! [Kitchenette / Jezebel]

* Judge allegedly fell asleep during a child rape case. It’s not like it’s an important case or anything. [Gawker]

* Gaming the rankings — not just for law schools any more. [The Kansas City Star]

* Karen Mantler can’t afford her lawyer. And she’s singing about it. After the jump…. [WNYC Spinning On Air]

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* Latter-day Dan Fielding seems to have used his office to meet the ladies: alleged to have had an affair with and then impregnate a woman he prosecuted. When she raised the issue with his wife, he filed a motion to revoke her probation. This is all terrible, but the weirdest part was having to have her defense counsel in the bedroom the whole time. [Lexington Herald-Leader]

* Woman shot a guy because he didn’t ejaculate enough. The most dreaded words in that neighborhood must be, “Omar’s not comin’ yo.” [Detroit Free Press]

* What caused the child immigration crisis at the border? Turns out it was Free Slurpee Day. Who knew? [CNBC]

* Overcommunication is a virtue. Did you hear that? Overcommunication is a good thing. It really is. You should overcommunicate. It’s good. [What About Clients?]

* Judge J. Harvie Wilkinson III thinks the criminal justice system is just super. As far as innocent people going to jail, them’s the breaks. [Wrongful Convictions Blog]

* A guy’s guide to lawyerly fashion. It misses my personal pet peeve: use collar stays! Seriously, how do people not know this? [Attorney at Work]

* There were a record number of data breaches in New York last year. The problem is the persistent use of 12345 as a password. [Information Law Group]

* Lawyer explains to court how people illegally implanted a silicon chip in her head. No word on her feelings about Mondays. [Tampa Bay Times]

* How much juice content did Coca-Cola think allowed them to market a product as juice? The answer will actually surprise you unless you really, really hate Coke. [PR Log]

* Defendants should not have access to the Internet because they could beat someone to death with an iPad. I guess. [Lowering the Bar]

* Mobile crammers settle for $10 million. The charge will appear on their next month’s phone bill. [Law and More]

* Like most things in life, the path to victory involves beginning from the KISS principle. [Katz Justice]

* Of all the over-the-top immigration control efforts in this country, arresting a couple in bed for not being “married enough” is one of the craziest. [Sun Sentinel]

* The American Bar Association, fresh off loosening its accreditation standards, is actually trying to dupe kids into thinking this is the best time to attend law school. Check out this ad. And if you want to play with it in Photoshop, that would be cool too…

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* Are you a judge or former judge interested in being on television? All you have to do is move into some quasi-Survivor commune. Who would be the best jurist to send out there? I’d say Thomas so he can just stare at everyone silently and offer no assistance. [LawSites Blog]

* Law students fight to get an immigrant lawyer admitted to the bar over 100 years later. Just what California needs. Another lawyer. [UC Davis News & Information]

* Speaking of California needing more lawyers, California law schools are reaching out to community colleges to find students who saved on their undergraduate education and might be willing to start taking on some serious debt. [SF Gate]

* The State of Texas has intervened in a legal brawl between two breweries over the use of the Alamo. One more liberal government trying to take over the free market. [Brewery Law Blog]

* Professor John Banzhaf has an interesting suggestion regarding the death penalty: why are we still using injections anyway? [PR Log]

* Most people shouldn’t sue just because they can: a commentary on Alex Rich’s recent piece. [Law and More]

* More feedback on the ATL Top 50. [Most Strongly Supported]

* “Tacoma needs a law school like I need a hole in the head.” Exactly. [Post Defiance]

* The South Carolina Commission on Higher Education took a big step toward invalidating their own name by approving the sale of Charleston to Infilaw. By the way for comedy’s sake, attached below is a screenshot of the Google News alert I got on this story…. [The State]

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Jodi Arias

* Retired Justice John Paul Stevens isn’t exactly too thrilled about the Supreme Court’s opinion in McCutcheon v. FEC: “The voter is less important than the man who provides money to the candidate. It’s really wrong.” [New York Times]

* Neil Eggleston, a Kirkland & Ellis partner who served as a lawyer in the Clinton administration, has been named as replacement for Kathryn Ruemmler as White House Counsel. Please, Mr. Eggleston, we need to know about your shoes. [Associated Press]

* The Manhattan District Attorney’s Office says the D&L trial could last for four months or more. Dewey know who one witness could be? Yup, the partner who allegedly shagged a spy. [Am Law Daily]

* Thanks to the turn of the tide in DOMA-related litigation, a gay widower from Australia is petitioning USCIS to approve his marriage-based green card application, 39 years after it was first denied. [Advocate]

* Here are three reasons your law school application was rejected: 1) you’re not a special snowflake; 2) your LSAT/GPA won’t game the rankings; and 3) LOL your essay. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]

* No, Jodi Arias didn’t get Hep C in jail and file a lawsuit to get a restraining order against Sheriff Joe Arpaio and Nancy Grace. We have a feeling we know who did. We’ve missed you, Jonathan Lee Riches. [UPI]

Teresa and Joe Giudice

Teresa and Joe Giudice, famous for their roles on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, have entered guilty pleas in their federal bank fraud case.  Media outlets are reporting that Teresa faces 21 to 27 months and Joe is facing 37 to 46 months.

The plea agreement reached is not one with a sentence specified.  In reality, the sentencing range is a suggested sentence under the guidelines; the court is free to sentence them up to the maximum of 50 years. Of course, it is highly unlikely that either Joe or Teresa would be sentenced to 50 years.  My prediction is that Teresa gets probation and Joe gets two to three years.

But Joe has a bigger problem….

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* Dewey know which D&L defendants did the perp walk of shame before their arraignment yesterday? Three of the ex-executives! Even Steve Davis, who quit his job as in-house counsel to Ras al Ghul Khaimah of the UAE last week. [Am Law Daily]

* It’s about half and half when it comes to states that have filed briefs with the Tenth Circuit in support of or against the rulings striking down gay marriage bans in Utah and Oklahoma. Sadly, not everyone can be as fabulous as we’d like. [National Law Journal]

* Abortion clinics are closing their doors in Texas thanks to new legislation, and the total number of clinics in the state come September will be six. Let the Mexican medical tourism commence. [New York Times]

* Illegal immigrants can’t practice law in Florida, says the state’s Supreme Court, but they can in California. Good thing there’s eleventy billion law schools there to accommodate them. [Miami Herald]

* Webster Lucas, the fellow suing McDonald’s over an alleged race-based napkin denial that’s since prevented him from working, has sued fast food joints before. He’s a “vexatious litigant.” [NBC Los Angeles]

* Baseball is trying to ban home plate collisions, because why have any aspect of the sport be exciting? Here’s an exercise in statutory interpretation featuring the new rule. [PrawfsBlawg]

* Former judge forced to resign at age 40 under a gathering cloud of sexual harassment allegations now collects $65,000 a year in pension. And it looks like he may be claiming “sex addiction” as a disability. Bravo. [WDSU]

* Should legal writing professors be treated like nurses? [Dorf on Law]

* The world’s top Bitcoin exchange, Mt.Gox, just shut down, and millions of real dollars worth of fake money is missing. I’m excited to see the bevy of Libertarian Bitcoin fanatics who praise the decentralized “new Gold standard” and publicly trash its critics explain this one. [Valleywag]

* Are bar associations moving online? [Law Sites]

* Forget your cell phone, the feds have been spending millions to warrantlessly collect your very breath. [Jalopnik]

* Twitter account posting every frame of Top Gun lands user in the danger zone. [IT-Lex]

* Our own David Lat did some speculating about who the next Supreme Court justice might be. [Ozy]

* That hope that the government would deport Justin Bieber? Here’s why that just isn’t legally going to happen. Video after the jump… [Bloomberg Law]

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It’s time for the State of the Union again, which means it’s time to gather around the TV and thoughtfully discuss the future of the country play a sophomoric game based on the events that we expect to unfold over the course of the evening.

Remember to follow your Above the Law editors covering the speech via Twitter. See @ATLblog@DavidLat@ElieNYC@StaciZaretsky, and @JosephPatrice.

Now, on to the game….

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* Kanye West sent out a cease and desist letter to the makers of Coinye, a Bitcoin alternative with a mocking, parody image of Kanye. This whole Bitcoin thing may be incredibly stupid, but these poor entrepreneurs are going to have to junk all their work just because they shamelessly stole the artist’s image. I guess it’s back to their electronic currency based on a busted-up parody of Kim Kardashian, which they call “Khloe.” [Ars Technica]“>Ars Technica]

* The FBI classified Juggalos as criminals and the Insane Clown Posse has gone ahead and filed a federal suit. And who better for the New York Times to consult about this case than our own Juggalo Law! [New York Times]

* Justice Kagan once again performed her civic duty and showed up for jury duty today. Unfortunately, this report doesn’t explain what book she brought with her to kill time, which is the best part of people-watching at jury duty. [Washington Post]

* For those that think we always focus on the negative, here’s a nice narrative about lawyers who really help people. [XO Jane]

* How do you deal with a blazer that just won’t button? Advice from our occasional contributor. [Corporette]

* A group of Vietnamese fishermen sued a Texas lawyer alleging that he falsely claimed to represent thousands of deckhands to get rich serving on the committee of attorneys representing victims of the BP oil spill. BP’s just happy someone might come out of this looking worse than they do. [Miami Herald]

* Sergio Garcia, the newly-minted California lawyer and not the racist golfer, says he’s looking to a future as the governor of California. [Fox News]

* The judge who sentenced a convicted rapist to a month in jail is retiring. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out! [USA Today]

* Clients don’t grow on trees. So what are you gonna do about that? Huh? I’m talking to you! [At Counsel Table]

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