John Roberts

* Justice Thomas chats it up with a TMZ reporter about Lance Ito, NYU, and his lunch at Capital Grille. For as engaged as he is, it’s weird that he won’t divulge what he ordered, right? I assume it was a steak and probably some kind of cola. [TMZ]

* “Hey, buddy… we’re going to take back your money because your old firm sucked. Sorry it took us four years to notice!” [National Law Journal]

* Dewey know anyone breathing a little easier today? Former executive director Stephen DiCarmine and chief financial officer Joel Sanders saw 30 counts of grand larceny (15 each) dismissed today. [Law360]

* Were you wondering when the next Supreme Court justice is going to die? Because there’s an app for that… apparently. [Slate]

* Remember Judge Richard Cebull’s racist emails? Well, there are more, but we won’t get to see them. [National Law Journal]

* T-Swift is now in the litigation finance game. Imma let her finish but I think some of these other litigation finance firms are the greatest of all time. [Mighty]

* Lawyer suspended for Facebook misconduct. That’s a thing now. [Legal Profession Blog]

* Keeping up the pressure: Fix the Court writes Chief Justice Roberts requesting faster access to Supreme Court audio in the name of transparency. He will probably go ahead and ignore this. [Fix the Court]

* How do Biglaw bigwigs really live? Vivia Chen visits the home of our 2013 Lawyer of the Year, Roberta Kaplan of Paul Weiss. [The Careerist]

* Attorney Renee Rabinowitz has had enough of this religiously cloaked sexism stuff. She’s suing El Al for making her switch seats because an ultra-Orthodox man refused to sit next to a woman. [New York Times]

* The only way for Republicans to save face is by… confirming Obama’s Supreme Court choice (even if it isn’t a fellow Republican). [Gawker]

* The complicated relationship between Asian-Americans and justice is highlighted by the Peter Liang protests. [New York Times]

* The greatest impact of Justice Scalia’s passing may be on the Fourth Amendment. [LinkedIn]

* One of Justice Scalia’s long line of clerks who paid tribute to the legal legend after his passing, Professor Brian Fitzpatrick, speaks out on the jurist’s impact. [The Conversation]

* Who has the most to lose in the fight over the Supreme Court? The Chief Justice. [MSNBC]

* Here’s a fun thought experiment: What would Donald Trump have been like as an attorney? [Law and More]

* Apparently this is how you should teach in open-carry on campus locations. Horrifying. [Chronicle on Higher Education]

* Yes, you must attend mediation, even if you are Shaq. [Daily Business Review]

* The long arm of the law takes on Salvadorian death squads. [Guile is Good]

* The cynical reality of the coming constitutional fights. [Eric Posner]

* It doesn’t look like the Supreme Court will stop North Carolina’s redistricting order. [Politico]

* Can Chief Justice Roberts save the Court from partisan politics? [New Republic]

* The First Amendment even applies to lawyers with blogs. [Consumer Law & Policy Blog]

* The perfect way to make sure you are in compliance with every law and regulation, according to Professors Dan Solove and Woodrow Hartzog. [SSRN]

* Affluenza teen grows up! Ethan Couch will be tried as an adult. [Gawker]

* David Lat tells you how to take control of your career. [Legal Talk Network]

* When Virginia Law Weekly and the Virginia Law Review played their annual football game in 1970, then-Professor Antonin Scalia served as the referee. At the end of one play — that ended in a momentum-changing interception — Scalia overturned the result with a critical “too many men on the field” call. If anyone knew the importance of a recount, it was Justice Scalia. [More Us (UVA Law Library)]

* More fallout on the propriety of Justice Scalia’s trip to Cibolo Creek Ranch as a guest of John Poindexter — who had business before the Court last year. Was that ethical? Well, always remember that in the sober world of judicial ethics, the Sigma Nu kegger. [National Law Journal]

* Speaking of Justice Scalia, with a political fight set to embroil the Court, perhaps Chief Justice Roberts should take a lesson from Chief Justice Hughes. [Maryland Appellate Blog]

* Former Scalia clerks describe their experiences working for the late justice. First up, conservative Justice Joan L. Larsen of the Michigan Supreme Court. [New York Times]

* And Gang, Tyre, Ramer & Brown partner Tara Kole on the unique challenges and rewards of serving as Scalia’s “liberal clerk.” [Washington Post]

* Looking to the next Supreme Court appointment, these charts really drive home President Obama’s commitment to opening the federal judiciary to lawyers, judges, and professors traditionally locked out of the “old boys’ club.” [Wonkblog / Washington Post]

* Did a lawyer just commit suicide by police? Over a $16,000 debt? That’s all? [Jane Genova]

* Even if you are trying to be ethical, you just might fall into one of these pitfalls. [United States Law Week / Bloomberg BNA]

* Chief Justice John Roberts unloaded some Microsoft stock so he can hear the Xbox 360 case. [Associated Press]

* Sex toys really can bring us closer together: longtime rivals reach agreement over sex toy patent. [Law360]

* The U.S. may be “importing a recession,” but at least bankruptcy lawyers will make out. [Law and More]

* Unable to attend this year’s Legaltech conference? Here’s what you missed. [Business of Law Blog]

* You shouldn’t feel bad about offending some people. [Associate’s Mind]

* Leaving Biglaw once you have kids — but not in order to play with the baby 24/7. [Hire an Esquire]

* Check out the latest podcasts on Legaltech 2016. [CodeX]

Chief Justice Roberts would like you to simmer down with all the political talk.

Justice Alito is more coherent than Kennedy, more conventional than Thomas, more consistently conservative than Roberts, and a lot further from retirement or death than Scalia.

* The Supreme Court may undo President Obama’s legacy… of executive actions. [Talking Points Memo]

* Speaking of United States v. Texas, it just may be Chief Justice John Roberts’s worst nightmare. [Slate]

* Today is a special anniversary: six years, the Supreme Court issued its Citizens United decision, and democracy hasn’t looked the same since. [Huffington Post]

* Interesting data analysis from Professor Derek T. Muller: as full-time law faculty numbers shrink, law school administrator numbers grow. [Excess of Democracy]

* Benghazi is getting a Michael Bay movie — and the congressional hearing is still raging on. [Rolling Stone]

* Attorneys for Daniel Holtzclaw, the Oklahoma City police officer convicted of raping eight women while on duty, have filed a motion seeking a new trial; they suspect discovery shenanigans on the part of the prosecution. [Gawker]

* Nope. Hillary Clinton may not be a radical, but she also isn’t a moderate Republican. [Lawyers, Guns and Money]

* Seven legal tech considerations for 2016, from lawyer and legal-tech enthusiast Steven J. Best. [Legal Tech Blog]

Want to streamline litigation? Bring back dueling.

* In his annual report on the state of the federal judiciary, Chief Justice John Roberts asked that lawyers stop treating each other like garbage and do their best to “avoid antagonistic tactics, wasteful procedural maneuvers and teetering brinksmanship.” [New York Times]

* Justice Antonin Scalia, the Supreme Court’s “lightning rod for controversy,” recently said during a small speaking engagement that the government not only can, but should, support religion. After all, “God had been very good to us.” [AP]

* Albany Law’s dean says don’t believe the horror stories you hear about law school, especially since “[t]his is a really good time to apply.” It’s worth noting that she wasn’t able to pay off her loans until she was a tenured law professor. [Albany Times Union]

* The Arkansas Law (Little Rock) professor who’s suing his school over access to public records has added a retaliation claim to his complaint thanks to the “allegations of two rogue, race-baiting professors.” Ooh, that sounds juicy! [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]

* Is your favorite music streaming service screwing your favorite musicians out of their hard-earned cash? Spotify may soon be facing yet another multimillion-dollar class-action lawsuit over artists’ royalty payments (or the lack thereof) in 2016. [Billboard]

* Michael G. Oxley, co-sponsor of the Sarbanes-Oxley Act, RIP. [New York Times]

After igniting controversy with his comments about African-American scientists, a group of physicists and astrophysicists strike back.

* Donald Trump has opinions on Supreme Court justices. He thinks that Roberts is “disgraceful,” that Scalia was “very tough” on black students, and that he loves Thomas. Perhaps he should take a cue from his favorite justice and shut up. [CNN; Associated Press]

* An easy peasy solution? Rather than amend the Constitution, Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio says that he’ll just appoint Supreme Court justices who will overturn the decision in the Obergefell case because he thinks that gay marriage is “bad law.” [ThinkProgress]

* Gibson Dunn has billed about $8 million to defend New Jersey Governor Chris Christie in the Bridgegate scandal thus far, so here’s a thought: perhaps you should show your hard-working associates some appreciation and announce bonuses already. [Fox News]

* Taylor Swift filed trademark applications for five signature phrases (Swiftmas, Blank Space, And I’ll Write Your Name, A Girl Named Girl, and 1989). If you infringe upon any of them, you can expect that she’ll be writing your name — on a lawsuit. [USA Today]

* Braeden Anderson, the Seton Hall law student and ball player who divides his time between the courtroom and the basketball court, has had one hell of a 1L year. When he graduates, this extremely lucky guy may have a job — with the NBA. [New York Times]

Which justice should lawyers be bowing down before?

Should conservatives and libertarians be delighted or disappointed by the U.S. Supreme Court at this milestone?

Which justice could it be?

Ed. note: In honor of Columbus Day (and Canadian Thanksgiving), Above the Law will be on a reduced publication schedule today. We will be back in full force tomorrow. Stay tuned for today’s news!

* Who is Amy Berman Jackson? If you’ve been watching Jeopardy! lately, you’ve probably been trying to figure out which law firm reigning champion Matt Jackson works for as a paralegal. In the meantime, it’s worth noting that his mother is a D.D.C. federal judge. [Washington Post]

* Another SCOTUS term is upon us, and while Chief Justice Roberts tends to cast his votes on the issues through a conservative lens, there’s talk that he could be a “wildcard.” Hmm, perhaps Justice Kennedy will have a pal to swing with this year. [MSNBC]

* Choose your path wisely: Bloomberg Markets released its ranking of the 50 most influential people last week, and not a single practicing lawyer made the cut. Attorneys who chose career alternatives, however, made a killing. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg]

* Marcel Aubut, who recently resigned in disgrace from his position as Canadian Olympic Committee president after allegations of sexual harassment and inappropriate touching came to light, has also decided to leave his Biglaw firm and seek counseling. [NBC Sports]

* Late last week, California adopted an exacting digital privacy law that will require police to get warrants to access all manner of electronic information, from emails to texts to metadata. Please thank the Golden State for keeping your sexts safe. [WSJ Law Blog]

* PETA’s general counsel swears his organization isn’t monkeying around when it comes to asserting the IP rights of Naruto the selfie-taking monkey, but he may have to deal with a jungle of jurisdictional issues first. [Motherboard / VICE]

* Mmmm, Dewey smell a mistrial? On the eighth day of deliberations in the criminal trial of D&L’s former leaders, the jurors likely made defense counsels’ hearts skip a beat when they asked the judge for instructions on what to do concerning their undecided colleagues. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Chief Justice John Roberts, who has voted conservatively in 85 percent of the Supreme Court’s most divisive 5-4 decisions, apparently isn’t conservative enough for our conservatives. It’s the damn Affordable Care Act. Thanks, Obama. [New York Times]

* According to the latest Acritas Global Elite Law Firm Brand Index 2015, for the sixth year running, Baker & McKenzie has the most recognizable Biglaw brand in the world. DLA Piper will continue to “churn [those] bill[s], baby!” in second place. [PR Web]

* Take the deal: Ex-House Speaker Dennis Hastert, who’s accused of hiding large sums used as hush money to conceal his prior sexual misconduct, is negotiating a plea deal with prosecutors. If he were convicted at trial, he’d face up to 10 years in prison. [Reuters]

* Chief Justice John Roberts and Justices Sonia Sotomayor, Anthony Kennedy, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg will be in attendance during Pope Francis’s Congressional address. Here’s hoping a certain someone doesn’t nod off in the middle of it. [National Law Journal]

* This courthouse clerk is accused of trying to go out with a little too much style after being fired from his job. He allegedly tossed thousands of pages of court documents in the garbage before leaving the building, and he now faces up to 10 years in prison. [Houston Chronicle]

* Lawrence Mitchell, the former dean of Case Western Reserve University School of Law, was supposed to return to the school this year after taking a sabbatical. Instead, he resigned. When it comes to this creeper, maybe that’s a good thing. [Cleveland Scene]

* Sorry to burst your bubble, law schools, but if you think spending millions to complete major building projects during a serious downturn in applicants will result in a “Field of Dreams” type of situation, you’re flat-out wrong. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* Good news, everyone! Thanks to this appeals court decision, registered sex offenders in Wisconsin will now be able to take pictures of children in public. Child predators have never, ever been so excited to assert their First Amendment rights. [WSJ Law Blog]

* That Anheuser-Busch/SABMiller deal is going to make a lot of people a lot of money in fees. [Dealbreaker]

* Thank you, John Oliver! Publicity from Last Week Tonight helped the Orleans Parish Public Defenders Office meet their fundraising goals. Though why a public defenders officer has to resort to crowdfunding in the first instance just boggles the mind. [New Orleans Advocate (last story)]

* More states release the bar passage rate for the July exam — which means more bad news. [Bar Exam Stats]

* The battle over whether Kim Dotcom should be extradited to the United States to face racketeering and copyright infringement charges begins, with legal heavyweights taking sides. [Computer World]

* GOP candidates are throwing Justice Roberts under the bus faster than a contestant on Big Brother. [Jost on Justice]

* This is how to handle typos Biglaw style. [Daily Lawyer Tips]

* If you’re in the Boston area, check out Lat’s latest event for his book Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link) on Thursday. [Supreme Ambitions]

* Another GOP debate is over (did you get drunk?), and you know what was conspicuously absent? Talk about Wall Street. [Dealbreaker]

* Is it even possible to balance motherhood and a career in the law? Anyway you slice it, seems like a raw deal to me. [The Atlantic]

* There isn’t much quality bestiality coverage anymore. Good thing there is this case of a farmer and his pig from 1642 we can talk about to fill that gap. [Slate]

* Can you believe “The Roberts Court” has been a thing for 10 years? Here’s a retrospective. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* The dislike button is coming to Facebook… and might put lawyers out of business. [Law and More]

* Elie went to a fashion show, and it was everything. [Fashionista]

* Carey Gabay, a lawyer in the Cuomo administration, passed away yesterday from a gun shot wound suffered before the West Indian American Day Parade last week. [New York Times]