Matthew Blit

Here are some instructions.

Valentine’s Day is coming up. Married men are looking forward to their annual opportunity to have oral sex (don’t act like I’m the only one). Single guys are wondering what kind of depressed and ovulating women will show up at their local bar, alone. And ladies are just hoping for something that will turn all of their girlfriends into jealous bitches. As always, the day promises to be a massacre.

But regardless of your Valentine’s Day motives, please note that there are some intimate gifts that are inappropriate in all situations: gifts like vibrators. Not as a Valentine’s Day present, not as a Christmas present, not as a birthday present. Women can’t show it off to their friends, and it works against you as a sexually suggestive gift. Vibrators should only be given to women you’ve already had sex with, preferably right before the first Thursday of the NCAA tournament so they have something to do with themselves.

Sadly, a New York man was not familiar with this rule, and he bought one of his co-workers a vibrator for her birthday. He was her boss. Now, he’s getting sued — because that’s what happens when you are the idiot who buys a vibrator for a woman you work with…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Protip: Do Not Buy A Vibrator For Any Lady At Your Office”

Eddy Curry lawsuit.jpgAs you might have heard, New York Knicks atrocious waste of salary cap space star center Eddy Curry has been sued by a former employee. We all knew that Curry was a 6’11” behemoth of a man who is afraid of grabbing a rebound. But some of the allegations contained in the complaint against him are more shocking than his inability to play 20 minutes without needing an oxygen mask:

18. The plaintiff was further subjected to humiliation and intentional acts of sexual harassment discrimination by the Curry during the course of his employment.

19. On more than one occasion in the last year of plaintiff’s employment, Curry approached him, in the nude, and tried to solicit him to engage in homosexual acts with him by telling the plaintiff “look at me, Dave, look” and “come and touch it, Dave.”

And while we’re here:

20. Curry directed the plaintiff to perform humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels that he “nutted all over” so that his wife would not see them.

We should say that Curry strenuously denies all of the allegations contained in the complaint. And teammates like Quentin Richardson and David Lee have come to Curry’s defense.

But wait ’till you get a look at the plaintiff’s lawyer, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Lawsuit of the Day: Hired Help v. Eddy Curry”