Miami Heat

* You’d think a tax attorney would remember to file a tax return. You’d be wrong. [SF Gate]

* You think you have difficult clients? Try representing a sovereign hellbent on making political hay by contradicting every representation you make in court. [Reuters]

* Dov Charney out at American Apparel. And he seemed like such a nice guy… [Slate]

* The Central Park Five civil rights lawsuit has settled for $40 million — or roughly $1 million for each year the accused spent in prison. [New York Times]

* It’s a bad week for everyone affiliated with the Miami Heat. Now they’re losing to bloggers. [South Florida Lawyers]

* In an unfortunate follow-up, the effort to unionize some lawyers at Bloomberg has fizzled and the primary organizer has been fired with no severance and a baby on the way. Which is surely a complete coincidence and not related to his organizing activity at all. [Fortune]

* Former Delaware Supreme Court Justice Carolyn Berger has resigned and she is not bashful that it’s all to do with being passed over as chief justice in favor of Leo Strine. [Delaware Law Weekly]

* Save the date, D.C. The 2nd Annual Go Formal for Justice gala will be held October 18. [DC Bar Foundation’s Young Lawyers Network / Facebook]

* Yale Law grad and former Senior Counsel to the World Bank, Karen Hudes, wants you to understand that JFK was killed over the gold standard and that there’s a species of coneheads in control of the Vatican. We should do a Career Alternatives on her. Video after the jump… [Starship Earth: The Big Picture]

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Chief Judge Alex Kozinski

* A chat with Chief Judge Alex Kozinski. Kozinski is the only interviewee who can talk about political oppression and reserve the real shock and horror for jury verdicts. [Concurring Opinions]

* On a serious note, a summer intern at Bank of America has died after pulling three all-nighters. Biglaw reminds associates that the lesson here is to get your work done faster. [Gawker via Instapundit]

* LeBron James thinks he’s actually above the law. What’s more despicable? Using celebrity to ruin everyone else’s commute so you can watch a concert or being part of the Heat? [Grantland]

* Case Western Reserve is changing its legal curriculum out of desperation an effort to revolutionize law school. [Cleveland Plain-Dealer]

* Women’s magazines make a ton of demoralizing helpful promises. What if lawyers inserted themselves into the editorial process? [The Tangential]

* A Chicago ER doctor is facing a lawsuit over taking and posting pictures of a woman — apparently this “actress, model, and ex-professional tennis player” — who’d had too much to drink. Dr. Carter has really gone downhill. [IT-Lex]

* RIP Groklaw, 2003-2013. The stalwart blog has decided to shut down over concerns about government surveillance. [Groklaw]

* An attorney in Texas decided to take to Craigslist to rip another lawyer advertising a $10/hour paralegal job. Screenshots of the original and the response after the jump… [Craigslist]

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I’m trying to figure out whether Lance Armstrong is relieved that Manti Te’o upstaged him this week. On one hand, all of the mean, finger-wagging columns on Lance’s lying, like this typically flatulent effort by Rick Reilly, have been pushed to the second page of the Internet by Te’o’s (I’m not entirely sure I’m using the apostrophe correctly here) fake dead girlfriend. Although the internet defies all attempts to ascribe a finite supply of oxygen to any news story, there is a finite amount of attention that can be paid. And even though every news organization has dutifully assigned a writer (or moron) to cover the Lance debacle, no one much cares about it anymore. What happens to a scandal deferred? Does it dry up, like a craisin in this pun?

I think the overshadowing of the Lance Armstrong saga probably doesn’t help Armstrong at all. The vast majority of people who will have opinions about him have already formed them and those who may be swayed by a teary confession in front of Oprah now may not even be paying attention. But that’s all public opinion, which is the least of Lance’s worries at this point. And yet, public opinion is almost exclusively Manti Te’o’s (seriously, these apostrophes are bothering me) worry at this point. Almost.

Let’s talk fake dead Samoan girlfriends….

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Thanks to everyone who participated in this year’s summer associate event contest. Many of you nominated events, and almost 1,500 of you voted in the reader poll to crown this year’s winner.

We had five fantastic finalists, coming from five leading law firms: Latham & Watkins, Quinn Emanuel, Ropes & Gray, Schulte Roth & Zabel, and Weil Gotshal & Manges. They covered a wide range of activities, from karting to karaoke and from hiking to Heat-watching (the Miami Heat, that is).

Which Biglaw firm took home the big prize?

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We recently requested entries for our summer associate event contest. Even if being a summer associate at a large law firm is more work than play these days, there is still fun to be had.

Here’s a comment on the post from “Dewey & LeBoeuf Summer Associate”:

It’s tough to choose just one event from my summer to nominate for The Best Biglaw Summer Associate Event of 2012. First, there was “Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day,” which was so successful the firm extended the event for the entire summer. Another one of my favorites was the cooking class I attended, “Upgrading Your Kitchen: 101 Ramen Recipes.”

Some of the firm’s events were also educational. I particularly enjoyed the invaluable seminar “Dodging Your Debts,” featuring guest speaker Elie Mystal. And each week I looked forward to the “Friday Bonfire,” where the other summer associates and I gathered to roast off-brand marshmallows in the tall fire we’d built with that week’s haul of rejection letters as we basked in the glow of the flames of our legal careers.

Fortunately, most summer associates are working at firms that aren’t in bankruptcy. Let’s take a look at our quintet of impressive entries for this year’s summer associate event contest….

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Two porn stars made a “bet” on Twitter that they’d perform oral sex on fans of the Miami Heat if the team won the NBA championship. I’m not sure what these ladies agreed to do if the Heat lost; I’m going to pretend that they promised to “go back to college and blow your minds,” because I like the thought of LeBron being blamed for ruining their chances at an education.

In any event, the Heat won, and the women committed to going through with their dare. They set up a website, TeamBJNBA, to promulgate the rules of their free giveaway — because if they were paid to service the fans, THAT would be wrong and illegal.

But it appears that the NBA noticed their branding. I can only imagine the kind of person who would be confused into thinking that the NBA now sponsored BJs for fans of championship teams… though if they did, I suspect interest in the league would increase exponentially. The NBA moved to stop the giveaway, but you can’t keep good girls up off their knees.

Details, pictures, silicone, and notes on how to retrieve your champion rewards to follow….

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Yep, born and raised right here in Miami, Florida. I know, you hate me more now. Shucks. When I was a kid though, the only people who took their talents to South Beach were drug dealers, prostitutes, and movie producers depicting the place through the eyes of Tony Montana.

And now we are NBA Champions. We deserve it. We’ve waited a whole six years for this.

And you hate us. We love it, watching all of you whine and moan about how much you hate the Heat, hate Lebron, how Miami “bought” their championship. Yep, we bought it – cost a fortune too, you petty jealous nothings. We are the best, we are having a parade, probably right at the moment you sit in your miserable office, or Starbucks, and read this.

No surprise that I am a big fan of divisive people. I love watching the hate, the squirming when these people are successful, the “yeah, but…” commentary. I love watching losers nip at the feet of winners.

Lawyers love to do this…

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* It’s official: “law school grads face worst job market in more than 30 years.” Put that in your TTT pipe and smoke it. [Chicago Tribune]

* Not sure how good of a “cyber spy” you can be if you’re getting sued in federal court for things like cybersquatting and trademark infringement. [MarketWatch]

* Jerry Sandusky was convicted — oh Lord, he was convicted — Friday evening, and now his attorneys say they weren’t allowed to resign right before the trial. [CBS News]

* The New York Times has caught Linsanity, or at least it has caught an interest in the trademark case for Jeremy Lin’s popular catchphrase. [New York Times]

* It was Gay Pride weekend across the country. Practically speaking, for most people this meant lots of unexpected traffic jams and random glitter bombings. Evan Wolfson, a prominent attorney, was the Grand Marshal of the Chicago Pride Parade. [Chicago Sun-Times]

* Will today be the day we get the Obamacare decision? Who knows. In the meantime, here’s an interview with the folks behind the wonderful SCOTUSblog. [Forbes]

* The judge accused of elder abuse, in Alameda County, California, is still on the bench, but he has been relegated to handling small claims court. [Mercury News]

* An owner of the Miami Heat has sued Google and a blogger over an “unflattering” photo. I guess once you win an NBA championship, it leaves you with a lot of free time for other important pursuits. [CNN]