Morning Docket

* Should one admission be enough to practice in all federal courts? If we let a single judge in the middle of nowhere issue injunctions binding the whole country, we may as well let the lawyers practice across the country. [National Law Journal]

* Reddit stories are always a little suspect, but could this law student have lost a job over “bofadeez nutz” greeting? [LegalCheek]

* A pair of siblings have barricaded themselves in a room at their mom’s house and taken to TikTok after a Utah judge ordered them returned to their father AFTER the state child welfare agency concluded that the father sexually abused the kids. A lot of people just shouldn’t be allowed to be judges, y’all. [ProPublica]

* FTC ends its challenge to the Meta-Within deal. Remember this when we’re all stuck in Zuckerberg’s Metaverse hellscape in a few years. [Law360]

* Texas prosecutors can’t go after people for offering financial aid to women seeking abortion care in other states, which for some reason required a court ruling to clarify. [Reuters]

* States sue FDA over moves to limit abortion pill access, which the administration is limiting right as states crack down on reproductive health care. [Courthouse News Service]

* Another effort to strike “non-lawyer” from the industry vernacular. Deploying the phrase to denigrate other professionals is bad, but… it’s pretty important for a host of ethical reasons that folks know if their law firm contact is a lawyer or not. [Law.com]

* Shocking absolutely no one, when faculty met to discuss an effort by some Christian law students to get official recognition for new clubs to exclude LGBTQ students, the meeting was recorded and leaked to Fox News. Because the whole point for these initiatives is to get on Fox News. But now police are involved and students are getting a crash course in the difference between one- and two-party consent states. [NHPR]

* Alex Murdaugh’s lawyer pulled a gun on the prosecutor? Meh, seems par for this course. [Intelligencer]

* Even if Section 230 survives, it won’t shield ChatGPT. [Lawfare]

* Regulators are starting to think billion-dollar crypto deals might be a problem. Welcome to the party. [Reuters]

* Elon Musk asks court to lift protections designed to keep him from committing more SEC violations. What could possibly go wrong? [CNBC]

* The Supreme Court may still want to blow up the internet, but they don’t seem like they want to do it over this case. [SCOTUSBlog]

* Delaware lowers bar passage score. Apparently global climate change has made hell freeze over. [Reuters]

* Hogan Lovells net income down 13 percent. Starting to see why they might be in the merger market. [American Lawyer]

* Put aside four days in the office… could we really operate on a four-day work week? Yes, reports obvious study. [Courthouse News Service]

* Law firms band together to oppose SEC request for the names of Covington clients targeted in cyberattack. [Law360]

* The next Biglaw partner you talk to might be a criminal. Yeah, yeah, we get it, but this time we mean that literally. [Law360]

* Kim Kardashian has a new update on her legal studies. [LegalCheek]

* After full body shot it down, ABA Council votes again to end the mandatory admissions test requirement. Just like with the LSAT: if at first you don’t succeed… [Law.com]

* Supreme Court will hear argument on whether or not to blow up the internet. It’s an issue with a lot of nuance that will absolutely be decided by the majority deciding “the Framers didn’t have broadband access, so….” [Reuters]

* Schlitz is the beer that made Milwaukee famous, and now it’s the beer that makes judicial elections deeply problematic. [The Guardian]

* New York public interest attorneys plan strike after failing to get a favorable contract. Access to justice is only as good as the legal team it can recruit and sustain. [The City]

* Fox doesn’t own the Discovery Network, but discovery now owns Fox News! See… it’s a Rule 26 joke. [Law360]

* A lawyer who represents themselves may have a fool for a client, but it’s possible that a lawyer hired to represent another lawyer over the handling of Trump’s classified documents case also has a fool for a client. [Reuters]

* There’s a lot of panic that the Supreme Court will fundamentally destroy the internet as we know it, just because they’ve already destroyed voting rights, reproductive rights, and the Second Amendment as we knew them. But everyone is forgetting that the Supreme Court needs to refill its Mana meter before it can obliterate another cornerstone of society. [CBS]

* NBA team hires Weil partner to head up in-house efforts. [Bloomberg]

* Another Republican governor pushing to get the data period-tracking apps into the hands of law enforcement because unlike periods, the fascism train is never late. [Washington Post]

* Jeremy Clarkson tells a lawyer with dyslexia to “learn to spell,” because Jeremy Clarkson is a dick. [Legal Cheek]

* Supreme Court considering whether or not to blame Google for terrorism, which seems like a stretch because even if someone searched for terrorism, they’d have to wade through 35 ads for unrelated garbage before getting anything relevant. [Vox]

* Allen & Overy becomes first firm to go all in on ChatGPT style tech announcing that it’s working with Harvey. [Legal Futures]

* NBA great George Gervin sues Ralph Lauren for releasing a retro-styled shoe called the “Gervin Mid.” So… apparently Ralph Lauren thought George Gervin was dead. [Law360]

* New York Governor Kathy Hochul fought hard for her right to be publicly humiliated, and officially succeeded as the NY Senate that attempted to offer her basic political dignity caved and officially rejected Hector LaSalle nomination to serve as chief judge. Crackerjack politicking! [Politico]

* Litigation financing spent $3.2B last year. It would be nice if justice didn’t need speculators to function, but if this is the system we’re sticking with, it’s nice that they’re there. [Reuters]

* Kari Lake’s lawyers get slapped with bar complaints because… obviously. [NBC]

* If you want vigorous antitrust enforcement, you’ve got to break a few eggs… or at least shed some Republican members of the FTC. The Federal Trade Commission’s Christine S. Wilson is leaving the agency over Chair Lina Khan’s leadership priorities. [Law360]

* The National Labor Relations Board may be changing course on a widespread anti-unionization tactic. The NLRB’s general counsel Jennifer Abruzzo’s latest advice memo takes aim at misleading statements by employers during unionization drives, looking to overturn precedent from 1985. [Corporate Counsel]

* Family of Emmett Till would really like the arrest warrant in his 1955 lynching served. And they’re filing a federal lawsuit to make it happen. [Law & Crime]

* After spending 28 years in prison for a crime he did not commit, Lamar Johnson is a free man. [Huffington Post]

* The Department of Justice would really like it if you couldn’t select exactly which far-right federal judge heard your case. Of course, the “worst judge in the United States” probably won’t end the practice that’s garnered him so much notoriety. [Vox]

* SEC and CFTC sidelined until the DOJ is finished with Sam Bankman-Fried. It’s like one actor is going to get a chance to exact a lot from him and then the others will come along only to find that there’s nothing really left. Metaphors are fun. [Law360]

* Ugh. Now we’re talking about legal ops layoffs? We’re just going to keep trying to make this recession happen against all odds, aren’t we? [Legaltech News]

* Oh look, “despite” market uncertainties, lateral partner activity hasn’t slowed. Pretty soon we’re just going to have to admit this isn’t really a recession outside of the tech sector. [American Lawyer]

* All because of one really bad quarter. Law firms struggled in Q4 with a sharp demand slump, seeing the carryover effects that had hurt the rest of the economy in Q1 and Q2. But overall, demand on the year was steady and the rest of the economy went back to growing by around 3 percent per quarter so this should all catch up with firms if they just wait. [Reuters]

* Pitt withdraws from US News rankings. [CBS]

* Deep dive into the latest legal challenge facing the NCAA. [ESPN]

* Debevoise hired to defend possible impeachment. [Law360]

* Wait… a member of Trump’s inner circle ran up huge bills and then stiffed his lawyers? [Daily Beast]

* What’s a million in sanctions among friends? [Law & Crime]

* Martin Shkreli wants the judge to know that just because he has contempt for everyone and everything, he’s not trying to show contempt for the court. [Reuters]

* 27 hours to file a petition? [Law.com]

* Sam Bankman-Fried tried to contact the GC of FTX by encrypted text?!? How does he not understand how this works? [Law360]

* Judges increasingly use Wikipedia to write opinions. This is not an endorsement, but… ChatGPT looks pretty good by comparison. [Legal Cheek]

* The Harvard Law School attack suspect is now facing criminal charges. [10 Boston]

* “I’m gonna live forever” is a catchy lyric, but not a succession plan. And law firms can do good business scooping up smaller firms that never planned ahead. [American Lawyer]

* Joe Biden may have won the State of the Union by tricking Republican legislators into pledging not to cut Social Security or Medicare, but the Fifth Circuit has already cooked up a new theory to do it through judicial fiat. [Slate]

* We should’ve hit this story yesterday, but St. Thomas Law is naming itself after civil rights attorney Ben Crump. [Reuters]

* Supreme Court apparently discussed adhering to basic ethics but then decided, “Nah.” [Washington Post]

* Michael Cohen is chatting with prosecutors again. [AP News]

* NFL class action over Sunday Ticket prices moves forward. [Reuters]

* A bomb threat disrupted the Alex Murdaugh trial, which will go down in history without even making the top ten of crazy things about this trial. [NBC News]

* Goodwin averaged one lateral move per day over the last few years. [American Lawyer]

* Just in time for Black History Month, white legislators impose new all white court system over Black voters. [Mississippi Today]

* Jury hears that Alex Murdaugh was bad at his job. Nepo babies, amiright? [Yahoo]

* Whenever someone stupid tells you the First Amendment is under attack, remember that those same people want a prior restraint on “telling people that they can escape torture by getting asylum in the US” [Reuters]

* Coinbase employee pleads guilty to insider trading. Who would have thought made up Ponzi schemes could attract the criminal element? [Law360]

* Biglaw offices getting more efficient. Which is just a proxy for “realizing most people aren’t coming into the office.” [American Lawyer]

* ABA asks the Supreme Court to maybe consider having some ethical rules. Aw. Cute. [Reuters]

* Professor Rick Hasen discusses the high likelihood that Moore v. Harper might soon be moot. [Slate]

* Attorneys agree that Elon Musk himself deserves credit for winning the Tesla shareholder case. Since the jury watched him testify and concluded “no one could possibly take this guy seriously,” he probably does deserve all the credit. [Law360]

* Law firms unlikely to develop ChatGPT tools any time soon. Can’t have anyone more robotic than the Tax department, can’t we? [Legaltech News]

* A closer look at Lizzo’s lawyers. [New Jersey Law Journal]

* Meghan Markle’s character on Suits ranked among most influential in TV history. [LegalCheek]

* Marijuana use cannot impair gun rights. I mean, if being on the terror watch list isn’t an obstacle, there’s no reason weed should be. [Reuters]

* Jay-Z and Bacardi have settled bringing the running count of problems to 98. [Law360]

* Proposal to require three judges to issue a national injunction. That may not be enough to stop some of this nonsense, but sure. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Litigation finance thrives in rough economic waters. These aren’t really rough economic waters, but as long as we’re continuing to tell ourselves that they are then this is probably good for funders. [American Lawyer]

* The Texas lawyer that Dick Cheney shot in the face has died. [The Independent]

* Just because the law determines that someone is a dangerous threat to others, the Fifth Circuit rules that court orders still can’t take away their guns because that’s a fundamental right. You know, walking around as a free person is a fundamental right too… can the justice system still put criminals in prison? [Reuters]

* Lizzo is now officially 100 percent that bitch. [Law360]

* Baker McKenzie office managing partner steps aside amid investigation into office-wide discrimination claims. [LegalCheek]

* Mergers are going to get bigger. Which is the point of all mergers, but we mean a lot bigger. [American Lawyer]

* Data breaches are going to get costlier to deal with. So maybe plan ahead? Or don’t… plaintiffs lawyers need work too. [Law.com Barometer]

* Law firms don’t appreciate associates building their own brand through social media. Because “professional development” only flows one direction. [Legal Intelligencer]

* Hunter Biden seems to have found lawyers who are aware that ripping private data off a computer is generally a crime. [Washington Post]

* Real Criminal Defendants Of Beverly Hills. [Reuters]

* Andrew Tate’s got a new lawyer. He’s probably mansplaining how the law works to her right now. [Rolling Stone]

* Supreme Court considers whether algorithms might evade the spirit of internet laws. [The Atlantic]

* Demand for legal services dropped in 2022. Which you already knew, but now there’s a report! [Reuters]

* Look to your left, look to your right… one of these law firms won’t be here next year. [Law.com]

* Federal Circuit strikes down Quinn Emanuel’s class action fees as “excessive.” Quinn Emanuel had sought FIVE percent. [Law360]

* Looks like Trump finally realized Alina Habba isn’t the answer to… well any question worth asking. [Business Insider]

* The Wooly Mammoth will be de-extincted in 2027. Because no one saw Jurassic Park. [Popular Mechanics]

* Trump sues Bob Woodward claiming copyright on all the stuff he told Woodward during interviews Trump granted for the purpose of letting Woodward write a book. This is not going in the magical “Trump keeps winning cases” bucket his lawyer talks about. [Courthouse News Service]

* Johnson & Johnson tried the “Monopoly Man turns out his pockets” routine and failed. [Law360]

* Hey Siri, explain labor law. [MacRumors]

* Speaking of labor law, a look at the upcoming Supreme Court labor showdown from the perspective of the service workers are preparing. [Eater]

* Jones Day facing sanctions request citing harassment as the motivation for the earlier sanctions request Jones Day made against former associates in discrimination case. You may remember this one as the case that brought attention to Jones Day’s… questionable photoshop decisions. [Reuters]

* The pandemic may have broken lawyers. I mean, lawyers were always broken, but it broke them in a new way. [American Lawyer]

* Sam Bankman-Fried objects to “overbroad” bail restrictions. Bail restrictions can be onerous and harassing but these boil down to “please don’t talk to possible witnesses against you or send automatically deleting communications,” which seems… reasonable. Next thing you know they’re going to be telling him he can’t pay fines with magic beans! [Reuters]

* When looking in the mirror in 2023, there’s one question we must all ask ourselves: Was I at Camp Lejeune? I don’t think so, but these ads have got me wondering if I might’ve been stationed there for 5 years and just forgot. [Bloomberg]

* Life Sciences work is going to stay busy. It seems there’s still plenty of money out there despite all the grumbling. [The Recorder]

* It took a Ninth Circuit opinion, but it turns out that, yes, the president can fire people who work for him. Glad we got that settled. [Law360]

* The Prenda Law saga continues as a federal court shuts down the latest attempt of the imprisoned lawyer to file more of the same lawsuits that landed him in prison in the first place. [Ars Technica]

* There’s a lot to say about Brett Kavanaugh’s speech at Notre Dame Law School, but he used the opportunity to bash the US News rankings blasting the idea that the publication’s reputation survey can capture the quality of an education. His clerks this Term all went to Harvard, Yale, and Stanford. [CNN]

* Shearman & Sterling used to be a top 5 earning firm. Now it’s banking on a merger — that feels more like a takeover — to save it. What happened? [American Lawyer]

* Forum shopping has gotten to the point where attorneys pushing fringe legal theories have a 100 percent chance of landing a friendly judge. [The Nation]

* Ted Lieu proposes resolution to regulate AI written by AI. I guess we already let oil companies write environmental laws so this isn’t much different. [NBC]

* John Eastman disbarment proceedings coming soon. [The Guardian]

* Republicans target ESG rules. It’s one thing to complain about the SEC, but these proposals would bar investment funds from making demands on companies they own. So much for the free market! [Bloomberg]