Non-Sequiturs

Ed. Note: We will not be publishing on Monday, January 16th in observation of Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Hope everyone enjoys their long weekend.

* A primer for how the Democrats can play hardball with Trump’s SCOTUS pick. [Slate]

* You too can learn to say NO! And here are some tips to do it. [Andie and Al]

* A working phone number can have a tremendous impact on your law practice. [Reboot Your Law Practice]

* The Trump conflicts are piling up. [American Constitution Society]

* Why federal inmates deserve a second chance. [The Hill]

* Does when you file a cert petition impact whether it’s granted? [Empirical SCOTUS]

* What will law students (or anyone in need of hazelnut deliciousness) do without Nutella? [Law and More]

* Elizabeth Warren is getting a lot of attention for blasting Ben Carson during his HUD confirmation hearing, but was it really necessary? [Wonkette]

* Little Marco is proving his worth. [Slate]

* There’s a legal fight brewing over mermaid tail blankets. [The Fashion Law]

* It’s like your mom said in high school: nothing good happens after midnight on a weeknight. [Huffington Post]

* The need for precision in your negotiations. [Katz Justice]

* Law schools are struggling to teach professionalism. [TaxProf Blog]

* When you ask for the death penalty, you shouldn’t be surprised when that’s what you get. [Texas Lawyer]

* Remember how Ted Cruz dared journalists to write about Jeff Sessions’s KKK prosecution? Yeah, how’d that pay off? [The Atlantic]

* Mitch McConnell’s playing a dangerous game — and the stakes are the Supreme Court. [Guile is Good]

* Jeff Sessions’s heart is besides the goddamn point. [Slate]

* There’s more than one way to be mindful. [Law and More]

* Trump wants to fill Gitmo, and that’s a problem. [Huffington Post]

* The Supreme Court blocks the North Carolina special election until they decide whether they’ll hear the case. [Talking Points Memo]

* If Trump opens up libel laws, he could find himself in hot water. [Gizmodo]

* Paul Smith’s campaign against the gerrymander. [Slate]

* This is just glorious: former Senator Al D’Amato got kicked off of a JetBlue flight. [MarketWatch]

* At least Ivanka cares about ethics laws. [Fashionista]

* Charlotte School of Law will be open this semester. [ABA Journal]

* I’m sure this will be an even-tempered website, not at all prone to hyperbole and jumping to conclusions. [Business Insider]

* Fox News settles the sexual harassment claims against Bill O’Reilly. [New York Times]

* Biglaw’s wishful thinking. [Law and More]

* Merchants take their desire to pass on credit card costs to consumers to the Supreme Court. [Big Law Business]

* Department of Justice lawyers dish on the prospect of working for Jeff Sessions. [GQ]

* The red carpet is as good a place as any for issue spotting. [The Fashion Law]

* After being bullied by Donald Trump, Khizr Khan is using his notoriety to rail against Jeff Sessions. [Huffington Post]

* Some people have their panties in a knot over the letter 1,000+ law profs sent opposing the nomination of Jeff Sessions. [TaxProf Blog]

* Advice for older lawyers searching for new work. [Law and More]

* California Chief Justice Tani Cantil-Sakauye on what you really need to know before practicing before the state’s high court. [Daily Journal]

* Are you a “fourth-tier” law school thinking of hiring some faculty? Maybe you should rethink how you hire. [TaxProf Blog]

* The least sexy sounding war that could have devastating ramifications for your freedom: The Supreme Court Wars. [CNN]

* There’s only one place for media coverage of reproductive freedom: Full Frontal with Samantha Bee. And she’s got a great response. [Huffington Post]

* Everything you need to know about the crazy Virginia Republican who introduced anti-trans bathroom legislation. [Slate]

* Get ready for the confirmation speed round! Which is likely a tactic to avoid too much bad press that will probably work. [Salon]

* D.C. is no place for communication. [Law and More]

* President Obama is making his call for criminal justice reform in the Harvard Law Review. [Harvard Law Review]

* Take cover, the amici are coming! [Empirical SCOTUS]

* Ho-Love is doubling down on Philly. [Biz Journals]

* The polling game ain’t what it use to be, and so Nate Silver turns his attention to making college football more like a debate tournament. [FiveThirtyEight]

* A look back at the sensational Menendez trial. [Law and More]

* A tribute to Judge Diarmuid F. O’Scannlain of the Ninth Circuit, who takes senior status this week. [National Review]

* Advice to help make that resolution stick. [Huffington Post]

* Texas is real pissed they can’t execute anyone. [BuzzFeed]

* I feel justified about posting this because the appeal involves Holland & Knight, but really it is an excellent story about the human cost of America’s longest war and you should read it. [New York Times]

* Do you think the Supreme Court should release audio on the same day oral arguments take place? Then sign here. [Fix the Court]

* Yeah, I’d wanna settle this case quick if I were the McKinney, Texas, Police Department. [Slate]

* 2017 is shaping up to be the NRA’s wet dream. [Salon]

* Judge is super concerned about the Constitution once corporate profits are on the line. [Reuters]

* What’s publishing like after tenure? [TaxProf Blog]

* In the dead of night, Andrew Cuomo vetoed a bipartisan bill to fund legal services for the poor. [The Slot]

* Fighting the good fight for open access to courtrooms around the country. [Katz Justice]

* Is this a good way to avoid a lawsuit with your therapist? [Law and More]

* Regrets? Chuck Schumer has a few. [The Hill]

* India’s Supreme Court bans political campaigns based on identity politics. [New York Times]

* Excellent advice: always check the dataset. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

Ed. Note: Happy New Year everybody! As you can see, we’re closing up shop early today and we’ll be off on Monday.

* Football player career ends before the Belk Bowl after he’s caught shoplifting… from Belk. Hey, that sensible Southern-inspired activewear wasn’t going to buy itself! [ESPN]

* Some “assorted stupidity” to get you into the new year. [Lowering the Bar]

* Motorized wheelchairs are not motor vehicles for the purposes of a DUI prosecution. So go ahead and get grandma loaded tomorrow night. [How Appealing]

* Speaking of Oregon, the “free speech” uproar over the sanction of Professor Blackface may make some valid points, but they also wildly overstate the case. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* The Supreme Court may be picking up some steam in the new year. [Empirical SCOTUS]

* Local lawyer competes on Wheel of Fortune. “Inconsistency is my very essence” — says the wheel — “Raise yourself up on my spokes if you wish, but don’t complain when you plunge back down.” To quote Boethius. [Rochester Democrat & Chronicle]

* The “Obama can still appoint Merrick Garland” trope always seemed stupid and easily reversible. Here’s a thorough explanation of why. [Washington Post / Volokh Conspiracy]

* Now that Twitter has officially begat a president, it’s time for law professors to fully embrace the platform. Make Academia Great Again! [Prawfsblawg]

* Someone at Barclay’s is a Simpsons fan… and that knowledge has spawned a DOJ investigation. [Lowering the Bar]

* The Top 5 Fantasy Sports and Law stories of the year. [Forbes]

* Discussing the legal status of the different participants in the Rogue One mission. [The Legal Geeks]

* Should Facebook be in the business of labeling fake news? [Dorf on Law]

* What’s it like to work in an American firm in London? [Legal Cheek]

* Tennessee wants to go all in with the ballot selfie ban. [The Tennessean]

* What the hell does the 21st Century Cures Act do? [MedCity News]

* Shoe’s on the other foot now, apocryphal Nigerian billionaire. [New York Daily News]

* Just after Christmas seems like the perfect time to ask the Supreme Court to figure out sales tax rules for out-of-state deliveries. [SCOTUSblog]

* We’ll have recreational marijuana… when we get around to it. [ABC News]

* Poe’s Law > Godwin’s Law. [Slate]

* I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened. [The Atlantic]

* I’m dreaming of a white… genocide? No, that’s not how that song goes. That’s not how that song goes, even in my house. [Simple Justice]

* The battle between Tata Sons and its former chairman, Cyrus Mistry, is probably the biggest corporate law story that you don’t care about. [New Indian Express]

* Chris Christie has been totally abandoned. [New York Times]

* Richard Cordray, head of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, is probably more likely to be eaten by reindeer than have his job by this time next year. [Wall Street Journal]

* Parole judge charged with assault for slugging a public defender. Do you even need a joke here? [New York Daily News]

Ed. note: In observance of the holidays, Above the Law will be on a reduced publication schedule today and dark Monday, December 26th. We hope you don’t have to bill too much more in 2016! Have a happy holiday!

* Be careful when shopping last-minute holiday deals on Amazon — counterfeits are aplenty. [Slate]

* This terrible Missouri law makes school fights a felony. [Huffington Post]

* Some law professors have their panties in a twist over the University of Oregon’s handling of a law professor’s decision to wear blackface to a Halloween party. [Tax Prof Blog]

* Lessons from the North Carolina political shit show. [Salon]

* Google’s employee confidentiality agreement is the subject of a lawsuit. [Law and More]

* The top ten most ridiculous lawsuits of 2016. [U.S. Chamber Institute for Legal Reform via USA Today]

* Not the first homeless lawyer we’ve heard about, and surely not the last. [Instagram]

* Jonathan Adler: “Donald Trump has not even been sworn in yet, and it’s already becoming easier for public figures to sue people in the nation’s capital.” [Volokh Conspiracy]

* Congrats to Kellyanne Conway on her future role as counselor — or should that be “counsellor”? — to President Trump. [Althouse]

* Why does defense lawyer Jon Katz smiles when he objects during trial? [Katz Justice]

* Ivanka Trump’s incident at the airport has all the makings of a bar exam issue-spotter. [Instapundit]

* Another in-house lawyer with critical comments about the Great Pay Raise of 2016. [ABA Journal]

* Following up on today’s Morning Docket item about the blind law student challenging the ABA for discrimination, a tipster brought to our attention the recent loss of Justice Richard Teitelman of the Missouri Supreme Court, who faced discrimination trying to find work out of law school because of his own blindness. [STL Today]

* Finding impeachable offenses for which Donald Trump could face charges is becoming a cottage industry. [Salon]

* A Drexel Law professor, Lisa McElroy (remember her?), on why ‘Love Trumps Hate.’ [Huffington Post]

* How the NCAA prevents students from using the legal process. [Vice]

* How many Twitter followers you have may now be relevant to trademark inquiries. [The Fashion Law]

* A fascinating new documentary raises interesting questions of security for lawyers. [Adjunct Law Prof Blog]

* D’Oh! A look at Christmas criminal crackdowns. [Versus Texas]

* How do the candidates on Trump’s short list thing stack up on campaign finance? [Empirical SCOTUS]

* Yeah, the electoral college was never going to save us. [Slate]

* Newt Gingrich wants Donald Trump to pardon his advisors that break the law. [Salon]

* Judge Aaron Persky has been cleared of misconduct in connection with the lenient sentence given to Brock Turner, the Stanford University athlete who was convicted of sexual assault. [Jezebel]

* Will the Trump administration spell the end for many law schools? [Law and More]

* A software glitch is leading to false arrests in California. [Ars Technica]

* North Carolina’s governor-elect announced legislators will meet tomorrow to repeal their terrible bathroom law. [LawNewz]

* The first trailer for the legal television show The Good Fight, the CBS streaming spinoff of The Good Wife, is here, and piles on the sex. [Slate]

* Ohio elector resigns from the electoral college in order to keep her day job. [Election Law Blog]

* Women receive lower grades in large law school classes. [TaxProf Blog]

* A difficult, but important read: a letter from a woman to the man that raped her. [Huffington Post]

* Huma Abedin gets to be the scapegoat for some looking for a patsy for Hillary Clinton’s loss. [Law and More]

* Nearly a thousand lawyers, policy experts, and activists are expected to attend a “counter-inaugural” conference in D.C. on Jan 21-22, 2017, featuring speakers like Sam Munger (SiX), Tom Goldstein (co-founder of SCOTUSblog), Nan Aron (Alliance for Justice), Jonathan Lowy (Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence) and Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD). The conference will begin after the (free) Women’s March on Washington on Saturday morning. Learn more and register here. [Rise Above]

* I’ve had an interesting week. [Simple Justice]

* But at least I’m real. [Popehat]

* Next week will be an interesting week for the Electoral College. [Balkinization]

* Huma Abedin’s lawyers politely request that the FBI explain exactly how they screwed over America. [New York Daily News]

* I don’t really understand the Department of Justice “bid rigging” investigation into ad agencies. I don’t really understand why it’s important. But apparently some ad execs could go to jail behind this, so I understand that whatever is happening is pretty cool. [Business Insider]

* Ashley Madison agrees to a $1.6 million settlement with the FTC over its alleged failure to protect user data. That doesn’t seem like a lot to me. That seems like a “my wife saw my info on Ashley Madison and I had to sleep on the couch for a week” kind of penalty. Not a “my wife saw my info on Ashley Madison and now I live in my brother’s basement while the lawyers figure out how often I can still see my children” penalty. [ABA Journal]

* The jury deliberated for just two hours before convicting Dylann Roof of the Charleston church murders. [The Daily Beast]

* Tables turned: how Judge Jed Rakoff (S.D.N.Y.) got the Second Circuit, which normally reviews his judgments, overturned. [Bloomberg BNA]

* Keith Lee takes a deep dive into newly released law school data (the ABA 509 disclosures). [Associate’s Mind]

* Eugene Volokh breaks down a new Fourth Circuit ruling that protects the right of police officers to criticize department policies on Facebook. [Volokh Conspiracy]

* David Lander evaluates the pluses and minuses of law schools relying upon adjunct professors to fill curricular gaps. [PrawfsBlawg]

* What variables best explain the decisions of the Roberts Court? [Tennessee Law Review via Hangley Aronchick]

* Check out Womble Carlyle’s new podcast, Bulldog Bites. Says host Mark Henriques, “I promise it won’t feel like work. If you don’t learn something, hopefully you’ll laugh with us about something.” [Womble Carlyle]