Non-Sequiturs

* Paging Don McGahn. There’s a cleanup on aisle 1600. [Politico]

* Rod Rosenstein speaks. [Slate]

* Which SCOTUS briefs are the easiest to read? [Empirical SCOTUS]

* Paul Ryan may not be able to rally the necessary tax reform troops. [The Hill]

* Sally Yates thinks the Flynn controversy was a bigger deal than the White House does. No kidding. [New Yorker]

* You may be able to visit North Carolina with a clear conscience soon. [Huffington Post]

* Not everything is a competition. [Katz Justice]

* Dealing with the bad stuff. [Law and More]

* On the one hand, Trump men seem to have an unhealthy relationship with their daughters. On the other hand, celebrating your daughter’s sexuality is a thing that’s kind of progressive. [BBC]

* Neil Gorsuch will likely recuse himself from this burping case if it comes to the Supreme Court. Which is too bad, because his 10th Circuit dissent in the underlying case seems exactly right. [NPR]

* It’s always fun when Uber loses in court. [Forbes]

* The ACLU is going to fight Donald Trump every day. [ACLU]

* I have an opinion on masturbation as speech… I’m just going to keep it to myself. [Popehat]

* All those U.S. Senators who confirmed Jeff Sessions should be forced to answer for his actions now. [The Root]

* “Trump revealed highly classified information to Russian foreign minister and ambassador” — Headline, Washington Post. I mean, of course he did. Nobody is surprised. Nobody will stop him. [Washington Post]

* The ABA announced its Silver Gavel winners and the Supreme Court podcast More Perfect won for radio. (Ed. note: I HELPED!) [ABA Journal]

* Speaking of things I help with, the latest Radiolab is all about jury nullification. There’s also a guy that literally calls for violence, and it’s not me. [Radiolab]

* In non-Comey news, Donald Trump is still president. [Mother Jones]

* There are all sorts of problems with Mike Pence’s voter fraud commission, but here are four of the best ones. [Election Updates]

* The rare cabbie kidnapping case that doesn’t end tragically. [Gothamist]

* To be clear, I would have NO PROBLEM with Trump canceling press briefings. I see NO VALUE to Sean Spicer lying to the public while the White House press corps guffaws and plays along. There is no information being conveyed, the press are being used as a tool to spread misinformation. [New York Times]

* Time for our weekly check-in with what’s going on over on the Alt-Right. Are they annoyed with Sessions, now that he seeks to take away the liberty of non-violent drug users? Well, the headline is: “Bad Hombre Crackdown: Sessions Ramps War on Drug Traffickers” so… as long as only brown drug abusers are arrested, I think they’re good. [Breitbart]

* When New York’s largest personal injury firm collapses, who gets access to (800) 888-8888? [New York Personal Injury Blog]

* This is what it’s like when the President Tweets you. [Bloomberg BNA]

* The Indy 500 — the latest way to delay a deposition. [The Washington Post]

* Cardozo Law gets in on current events. [Law and More]

* Well this is, allegedly, awful. [Jezebel]

* The Civil War lives on at Virginia courthouses. [Katz Justice]

* Hmmm, where is Jeff Sessions in the whole Comey mess? [Slate]

* Donald Trump is pushing the boundaries of at-will employment. [Slate]

* Get ready for the influx of litigation under Nixon v. Fitzgerald. [Law Fare]

* Explosive allegations from Bill O’Reilly’s ex-wife’s affidavit. [Jezebel]

* I’m sure history won’t judge Mitch McConnell harshly at all. [Talking Points Memo]

* Does this Biglaw firm need re-branding? [Law and More]

* Recusal just doesn’t mean what it used to anymore. [Huffington Post]

* Don’t ask too many questions… [The Hill]

* Wanda Sykes’s is a big fan of Sally Yates. Wanda Sykes is all of us. [Jezebel]

* If this happens I will be gladly paying my New York State income taxes from now on. [Salon]

* No, Tiffany Trump cannot take (most of) these classes next year because, you know, she’ll be a 1L. [Slate]

* Some of these people are making it a habit to argue in front of SCOTUS. [Empirical SCOTUS]

* JDs don’t have the same power as MBAs. [Law and More]

* It’s like it never even happened. [The Root]

* Sure, this they’ll prepare for. Health-care reform? Not so much. [The Hill]

* How the Macron victory in France would be covered by our white grievance-obsessed media. [New Statesman]

* How much should you be fined for groping underaged girls? I’ll start the bidding at a dollar. [BuzzFeed]

* Jordan Edwards’s family is suing the police department and the officer over the murder of their son. [The Root]

* Trump is spending re-election campaign funds to gain support for his agenda. [Election Law Blog]

* We should probably not be giving bullcrap certificates to cops. [Simple Justice]

* The Sessions Department of Justice won’t do anything about cops who kill black people, but it wants to investigate Uber. [ABA Journal]

* Professor resigns over campus carry law. [Inside Higher Ed]

* Not legal, but it’s been 15 years since we all were talking about practice. [YouTube]

* What does Biglaw firm Cozen O’Connor share in common with Brooklyn hipsters? [Philadelphia Business Journal]

* Glenn Reynolds offers concise commentary on Comey. [Instapundit]

* “Kozinski, circuit judge, ruminating” — yeah, you know you want to click…. [Volokh Conspiracy]

* Professor Ann Althouse does not “like” punishing high school students for their Facebook activity. [Althouse]

* And Professor Orly Lobel questions the use of noncompetes, especially in terms of low-wage workers and women. [New York Times via PrawfsBlawg]

* How many Jewish justices have we had in Supreme Court history? [U.S. National Archives via How Appealing]

* What dystopian hell have we landed in? The Vice President of the United States is touting an anti-abortion  “A-Team.” Stop the world, I wanna get off. [Huffington Post]

* The double standard just may be too much for the Sessions Department of Justice to bear. [Litigation Daily]

* NYPD has closed its investigation into the death of Judge Sheila Abdus-Salaam, though the medical examiner has yet to determine cause of death. [Law and More]

* A lawyer’s death provides inspiration to help repair the system. [Guile Is Good]

* Is it possible there’ll be an actual check on Jeff Sessions? [Slate]

* Don’t think you’re safe just because you have employer-provided health care. [Salon]

* Code Pink protesters found guilty of disorderly conduct during the Jeff Sessions hearings. One woman just laughed. I’ll just wait here for the appellate courts to do something about this. [New York Times]

* Non-citizens and people here illegally will be able to vote in local school board elections in San Francisco, if they have children in the school district. If the Hunchback of Notre Dame was written today, it’d be a musical about San Francisco. [NPR]

* Trump canceling the White House Cinco de Mayo celebration is perhaps the most racially sensitive thing he’s done. Not because Cinco de Mayo has turned into an embarrassing excuse for white appropriation of Mexican culture, but because Trump is physically incapable of eating a taco salad without insulting people. [The Hill]

* The Fourth Circuit, preparing to hear a Muslim ban case, is down one conservative judge. Judge J. Harvie Wilkinson III will be recused because his son [UPDATE: son-in-law, acting solicitor general Jeffrey Wall] is part of the case for the government. [Buzzfeed]

* What is Cantor Fitzgerald really paying Obama $400,000 to do? Give a good speech, most likely. [Bloomberg View]

* Mississippi funeral home refuses to cremate a corpse because the corpse was once alive-while-gay. How you gonna run a funeral home based on hate? [Slate]

* I know most of our readers don’t read white supremacist news. But when I do this link-wrap, I feel like I should start adding in one headline from the Alt-Right, just so all you good people don’t get too comfortable in your bubble. These people ARE IN CONTROL OF AMERICA. What they think directly influences the President of the United States.

So, here’s your headline: “Creepy Kimmel Politicizes Infant Son’s Health Crisis” [Breitbart]

* A look at how behavior on the Court has changed since Justice Gorsuch’s began serving. [Empirical SCOTUS] * Is General Counsel Dianne Brandi likely to be the next head to roll of Fox News? [Law and More] * We’ve all seen the local news and after school specials — cyberbullying is a real phenomenon. […]

* Airbnb will allow the government to audit hosts in order to test for racial discrimination. [The Guardian]

* Texas cop shoots and kills an unarmed black 15-year-old. [The Root]

* There’s no video, but Popehat has a nice little tale about an airline and airport police completely failing. [Popehat]

* If this had happened to Ann Coulter, conservatives would be concerned. But since it only happened to left-leaning women in Kentucky… crickets. [ABC]

* The Supreme Court doesn’t want to touch California’s ban on gay conversion therapy. Banning gay conversion therapy is, of course, the only reason to be happy Donald Trump hasn’t been repealed and replaced by Mike Pence. [ABA Journal]

* In case you missed it, on Friday night I debated Jenner Block’s Lindsay Harrison about the Constitution, and Seema Iyer about sex offenders. Check out the webcast here. [WNYC Studios]

* Richard Posner and Jed Rakoff face off over the death penalty. [Slate]

Elie Mystal is an editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at elie@abovethelaw.com. He will resist.

* Try not to let the irony overwhelm you. [Deadspin]

* If you are going to fail the bar exam, do it like a champion. [Excellence in Law School]

* Impeachment may not be everything it is cracked up to be. [Huffington Post]

* The Fox New investigation gets broader. [Law and More]

* An opportunity to donate in memory of Trinh Huynh. [North Georgia Community Foundation]

* Jesus is fighting back against the bum rap he got. [The Onion]

* Kansas is the canary in the coal mine for the future of the United States. It… doesn’t look great. [Slate]

* When John Roberts is incredulous at a line of questioning an assistant solicitor general is going down, well, that’s not good for business. [Salon]

* Donald Trump hates the Ninth Circuit, wants to break them up. [Huffington Post]

* Getting fired really, really sucks. [Law and More]

* It’s like we live in the upside down. [Politico]

* Today is World IP Day. Oh wait, that’s wrong. “Today is World IP Day.^TM” [World Intellectual Property Organization]

* A pair of twins is graduating from UVA Law. In other news, it’s a really slow news day at UVA. [UVA Today]

* Alabama is voting to put an anti-abortion amendment in their state constitution because there’s literally not a single other issue requiring the attention of Alabama lawmakers. [The Hill]

* Johnny Depp’s managers don’t trust him. [USA Today]

* This woman does not like xylophones. [Lowering the Bar]

* For Serial fans in Minnesota, Sarah Koenig and Julie Snyder are speaking in your town on May 10. [Beth El Synagogue]

* A tribute to death penalty litigator Steve Bright. [Katz Justice]

* The Beast shouldn’t be forgiven at the end of Beauty and the Beast. [The Legal Geeks]

* Aaron Hernandez did not write a note to a prison lover, according to his lawyer. [CBS Sports]

* Chicago lawyer Thomas Demetrio seems to have discovered a new niche practice in “angry airline customer” law. Not only is he representing United Airlines dragging victim David Dao, but he’s also reportedly been contacted by the American Airlines stroller mom. [Law and More]

* In the wake of the surprise announcement of Whittier Law’s closure, law professors want to know: “Are 5-25 law schools in a ‘death spiral’ leading to closure over the next five years?” [TaxProf Blog]

* “I see no data to support the notion that Gen. Flynn complied with the law.” Per the House Oversight Committee, former national security adviser Michael Flynn may have broken the law when it came to disclosing payments he received from Russia. [CNN]

* Who better to comment on President Donald Trump’s first 100 days than law professors? And what better way to do so than in 100 words or less? [NYU Law]

* Professor Eugene Volokh of UCLA Law begs to differ with Howard Dean as to whether Ann Coulter may be barred from speaking at UC Berkeley. [Volokh Conspiracy]

* Sean Hannity vows to sue after a sexual harassment accusation. [The Hill]

* Jennifer Bard will not go gently into that good night. [TaxProf Blog]

* Tools for lawyers giving assistance to juveniles before they enter the legal system. [Law and More]

* Oh thank goodness, President Obama is back in public life. [Huffington Post]

* The case for a war tax. [Slate]

* Chuck Schumer sticks it to Jeff Sessions over the safety of the NYC subway. [Politico]

* The Supreme Court’s double standard. [Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* Just how long can we expect Neil Gorsuch to be on the Court? [Empirical SCOTUS]

* Cherokee Nation is taking drug manufacturers to court over the opioid epidemic. [Turtle Talk]

* Respect isn’t weakness. [Katz Justice]

* President Trump is going after LL.M.s. [TaxProf Blog]

* Where is the line between the First Amendment and a bad decision? [The Hill]

* High school “it girls” don’t make partner. [Law and More]

* An interesting look at the life and career of Gloria Allred — who has litigated groundbreaking civil rights cases as well as TMZ fodder. [Coverage Opinions]

* Lawyer Jose Baez intends to investigate the death of his client Aaron Hernandez, who was found dead in his prison cell after apparently hanging himself. [Deadspin]

* Footnote of the day (gavel bang: Raffi Melkonian aka @RMFifth Circuit). [Twitter]

* Professor Jonathan Adler still has doubts about the Emoluments Clause lawsuit against President Trump (although it’s much stronger now, thanks to some additional plaintiffs). [Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* Professor Glenn Reynolds has some doubts about diversity (although I suspect he strongly supports intellectual diversity). [Instapundit]

* Professor Ann Althouse has her doubts about… Democrats (even though she has voted for more Democrats than Republicans over the years). [Althouse]

* And Professor Eugene Volokh has his doubts about the constitutionality of this order. [Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* In honor of national haiku poetry day, here are some verses from Dean Dan Rodriguez of Northwestern Law. [PrawfsBlawg]

* Congrats to the ACLU of Massachusetts, the national ACLU, the state public defender’s office, and Fick & Marx LLP on a huge and historic win! [ACLU]

* BYU and Pepperdine are the “most ideologically balanced faculties.” You know, if you want to give more fuel to the snowflakes. [TaxProf Blog]

* When will Neil Gorsuch retire? [Empirical SCOTUS]

* UCLA Law has a $20 million movie deal. Sort of. [Law.com]

* CFPB sues law firm. Wow, there’s still a CFPB? [Law360]

* Zara apparently branching out into the Noe-Nazi market. And here I thought Hugo Boss had that locked up. [Fashionista]

* Do you know your state’s official bird? Well, this legislator thinks you shouldn’t have to and is waging the single most important policy fight in his state. [Lowering the Bill]