Non-Sequiturs

* Florida is woefully unprepared for a zombie apocalypse. [Lowering the Bar]

* Congratulations to Sujit Choudhry on being named dean at Boalt Hall. [Prawfs Blawg]

* Justice Scalia is a delusional hack. Well, that’s not really news… [Salon]

* Just how suspect was that referendum on Crimean annexation? Even the Russian government is questioning it. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* A look at how Lauren Giddings’s killer could have gotten free. [The Telegraph (Macon)]

* The KABA and JABA have issued a joint statement on the lawsuit surrounding the Glendale, CA, Comfort Women Memorial. [Korean American Bar Association / Japanese American Bar Association]

* A governor’s cronies get the plum state judgeships. That may not be surprising, but the negative impact it has on the quality of the judiciary deserves more attention. [The Center for Public Integrity]

* I’d never heard of “The Full Kagan,” and I’m not sure I want to know what it relates to. [Excess of Democracy]

* Much has been made of federal prosecutors failing to go after the “Too Big To Fail” banks. After the jump is a primer on why they haven’t. [Bloomberg TV]

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* Pet therapy? This is what you’re doing with your time? This is why Cardozo can’t have nice things. [Cardozo Law]

* Nobody likes name-calling, but opting for the death penalty just because you don’t want to be called “retarded”? That’s, um, what’s the word I’m looking for? [Cincinnati Enquirer]

* Remember when Mary Jo White was going to bring teeth to the SEC? Well, that’s all over. [New Republic]

* Live tweeting a prostitution sting. Yeah there’s no way this could go wrong. [Slate]

* Law student says cops beat him so hard he lost a testicle. Um. That’s horrible. [KOB]

* Do you fancy yourself a funny lawyer? Then enter New York’s Funniest Professional competition. Lawyers square off later this month. [Gotham Comedy Club / Manhattan Comedy School]

* Judge sentences rapist to 45-days and community service… working in a rape crisis center. Because the victim was “promiscuous.” How could anyone be this tone-deaf? Oh, it’s in Texas? Never mind. [CNN]

* California lawyers now must promise to be courteous. Play nice, kids. [LA Times]

* Finally, it’s time to wish a happy birthday to Winston & Strawn’s Jonathan Amoona, who was on the 2014 Forbes 30 Under 30 list. I guess he won’t be anymore. His 30th birthday invitation went out to the managing partner and a bunch of the top rainmakers, which isn’t toolish at all. The invite is available after the jump….

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* This guy used a cellphone jammer in his car to keep his commute interruption free. Guessing he’s not a lawyer. [Slate]

* Let’s lay off Justice Scalia for his latest screw up. Because Justice Stevens screwed up once too. Oh, well, that settles it then. I think the real point is Scalia completely whiffed trying to make a hugely bitchy argument, but we’ll let the Scalia lovers have their moment. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* Not for the faint of heart. Audio of a guy killing two unarmed teens. Obviously they were breaking into his house, but his wingnut psyche is laid bare in his rambling justification for shooting first and never asking questions. He’s charged with first degree murder because the grand jury just wasn’t buying his story. [Gawker]

* Meanwhile, the guys who really need guns can’t find where they left them. [Legal Juice]

* The long-running “Commentgate” story from New Orleans — where federal prosecutors allegedly used anonymous comments to sway public opinion on their cases — has ended with the prosecutors agreeing to a ban from federal court. [Times-Picayune]

* Did anybody know Donald Sterling’s son was suspected of shooting a guy in an argument? And the D.A. that the elder Sterling ran fundraisers for decided not to prosecute? Yeah, I’d missed that. [Bessette Pitney]

* Martin Scorsese’s nephew is basically a bit player in one of his crime movies. [NY Daily News]

* Are you a judge or former judge interested in being on television? All you have to do is move into some quasi-Survivor commune. Who would be the best jurist to send out there? I’d say Thomas so he can just stare at everyone silently and offer no assistance. [LawSites Blog]

* Law students fight to get an immigrant lawyer admitted to the bar over 100 years later. Just what California needs. Another lawyer. [UC Davis News & Information]

* Speaking of California needing more lawyers, California law schools are reaching out to community colleges to find students who saved on their undergraduate education and might be willing to start taking on some serious debt. [SF Gate]

* The State of Texas has intervened in a legal brawl between two breweries over the use of the Alamo. One more liberal government trying to take over the free market. [Brewery Law Blog]

* Professor John Banzhaf has an interesting suggestion regarding the death penalty: why are we still using injections anyway? [PR Log]

* Most people shouldn’t sue just because they can: a commentary on Alex Rich’s recent piece. [Law and More]

* More feedback on the ATL Top 50. [Most Strongly Supported]

* “Tacoma needs a law school like I need a hole in the head.” Exactly. [Post Defiance]

* The South Carolina Commission on Higher Education took a big step toward invalidating their own name by approving the sale of Charleston to Infilaw. By the way for comedy’s sake, attached below is a screenshot of the Google News alert I got on this story…. [The State]

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* Donald Sterling may be banned from the NBA, but the recording that placed him on the outside looking in was captured illegally per California law. [The Legal Blitz]

* If the NBA owners agree — as expected — to force Sterling to sell the Clippers, it could cost his heirs over $100 million. Let’s feel sorry that megamillionaires might be slightly less megamillionaires. [Slate]

* The inimitable Charles P. Pierce with more on the horrifically botched execution in Oklahoma last night. Overlooked in the horror was the constitutional crisis that preceded it — where the very authority of the state supreme court was called into question. [Esquire]

* After getting his client acquitted of molesting a child while drunk, a lawyer managed to get arrested for DWI, hours after the verdict. Amazing. [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]

* The conservative argument for copyright reform. Seriously, at this point there’s no political philosophy in favor of lengthy copyright terms, so why can’t we change this? Oh, right. Media companies have tons and tons of money. [R Street]

* UVA Law funds the first jobs of a bunch of its grads. David Lat weighs in. [C-Ville]

* This story could just as easily be entitled “I’m a young Biglaw associate who lives in Williamsburg.” [McSweeneys]

* Remember when I said it was a bad idea to drop off a drunk in Ireland? This is EXACTLY why. [The Independent (Dublin)]

* Oh, Cooley Law School… don’t ever change. [The Faculty Lounge]

* Republican tort-reform advocate settles overblown personal injury suit. Oh the irony. [The Hutchinson News]

* Check that, this is even more ironic. [The Chronicle of Higher Education]

* The U.S. Postal Service helped kill an innovative, anti-junk-mail startup. You could say a bloated government agency is to blame. Or you could say cutting off the Post Office and forcing them to fund themselves through Faustian deals with junk mail distributors is to blame. Either way, a great idea was smothered. [Inside Sources]

* Indicted former Virginia Governor and transvaginal ultrasound enthusiast Bob McDonnell has taken a gig as a visiting professor at an ATL Worst Law School finalist, Liberty Law. Of course. [The News & Advance (Lynchburg)]

* Do you need to be on a law journal to succeed? [Huffington Post]

* Can you get paid for sleeping on the job? Good question. [The Spitz Law Firm]

* People are shocked — shocked! — to learn that L.A. Clippers owner and Southwestern Law grad Donald Sterling may just be racist. Where were all you people the last 30 years he’s been in the limelight? I guess this is what happens when the Lakers stop being good. At least they’re in good company, the NAACP didn’t seem to pay attention to the red flags either. [Business Insider]

* Bringing “blame the victim” to sickening new levels. A playwright is suing actress Valerie Harper for $2 million for having the audacity not to mention her cancer. [New York Daily News]

* Oh, no, wait. This is bringing “blame the victim” to sickening new levels. [Huffington Post]

* Liquid Natural Gas exports are tied down in the FERC approval process. Pesky lawyers. [Breaking Energy]

* Louis Althusser’s On The Reproduction Of Capitalism argues that “all law is by essence, in the last instance, inegalitarian and bourgeois.” And he doesn’t even know about the cruise ship we rented out for a partner meeting to discuss our offices in that “country” of Africa. [Critical-Theory]

* Keeping your cool is a lot easier from your computer than out in the field. [Katz Justice]

* The Supreme Court may have decided not to rule on whether juries can be non-unanimous, but they will spend their time figuring out if fish are “informational items.” Good job. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* REMEMBER: The last day to vote for your favorite entry in our Law Revue contest is SUNDAY at 11:59 p.m.

* Okay, law students! How far would you go for silence in the library? [Legal Cheek]

* An attorney was suspended for two years for beating up girlfriend who he began dating while she was still a client. But the real punishment seems to be the extensive text message communications attached to the decision. It’s like a teacher making you read the note you were passing out loud in front of the whole class. Cringeworthy clinginess. [The Oklahoma State Courts Network]

* Lawyer’s alleged drunken air rage diverts a trans-Atlantic flight to Dublin. Because if you have a potentially quarrelsome drunk, dropping him off in Ireland is the right answer. [Irish Times]

* Aeropostale is suing H&M over the phrase, “Live Love Dream.” Maybe what they save on originality they pass along to the consumer. [Fashionista]

* This is how all trials should end. [Condé Nast Collection]

* The wrongfully accused — like the people bullied into pleading guilty to crimes they didn’t commit — are given a raw deal in more ways than one. [Policy Mic]

* Woman arrested after she called the crime lab posing as a court employee and tried to get her evidence destroyed. Well, it was worth a try. [The Times-Picayune]

* 5 reasons why Northwestern football won’t really unionize. [The Legal Blitz]

* Law grad who failed the bar arrested for claiming to be a lawyer. So much for Jimmy Malone’s advice… [Albany Times Union]

* This morning we wrote about a lawyer turned babysitter. Jane Genova has some thoughts on how this story can have a happy ending. [Law and More]

* This is why you don’t get tattoos. [The Independent]

* Sitting judge should be on “high” court — listed as president of three different pot-related businesses. [Las Vegas Law Blog]

* The Second Circuit is not pleased with the secrecy of the Obama administration. [The New Republic]

* Corporette launches a new motherhood newsletter. She’s looking for guest bloggers too if you’re passionate about these issues. [Corporette]

* Another argument for killing law school. [The Week]

* Kash Hill looks at a Loyola Law grad who hunts down revenge porn sites. [Forbes]

* Lorne Michaels has a new courtroom comedy webseries starring Bob Balaban. The first episode is embedded below….

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* Ready for the ATL Top 50 Law School Rankings? They will be revealed next week on the next episode of Kaplan’s The 180 — Live. [The 180 -- Live / Kaplan]

* Georgia is now the 31st state with an active marriage equality lawsuit. Justice Scalia now really wants a revolt. [Associated Press via ABC News]

* Stetson boasted the best bar passage rate in Florida. See how that’s a better fact to tout than “5th out of 11“? [Ocala Star Banner]

* A key member of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed’s defense team is leaving the Army because they were going to force him to leave the defense to attend a graduate course in Virginia. The kneejerk, liberal reaction is that this is a conspiracy to derail his defense. I highly doubt it. From my experience, the Army’s counterproductive decisions are staunchly arbitrary. [Huffington Post]

* Derek Khanna takes on the Aereo case before the Supreme Court ruins it for all of us. [Politix]

* Britain’s just like a cute little America. They have conservative politicians trying to win votes through nonsensical religious exclusion too. [What About Clients]

* Last time we checked in on Judge Carlos Cortez, he was defending himself against charges that he strangled and threatened to kill a girlfriend. Apparently things have gotten much, much darker down there in Texas. [Dallas Morning News]

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