North Korea

* The D.C. Circuit awarded more than $501M in damages to the family of Otto Warmbier, the student who tortured so badly in North Korea that he was left deaf, blind, unable to speak, and died shortly after he returned home. [New York Times]

* Trump’s DOJ has filed many emergency SCOTUS requests to bypass lower courts, but here are the ones to watch: the asylum ban, the DACA wind-down, the transgender military ban, the citizenship census, and kids’ climate change. [PBS NewsHour]

* Ex-district judge and U.S. AG Michael Mukasey says Bill Barr is “probably the best-qualified nominee for U.S. attorney general since Robert Jackson in 1940.” Mukasey has also linked “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” to Islamic terrorism. [Wall Street Journal]

* Not even a weird video in character as Frank Underwood can help him now: Kevin Spacey has been accused of sexually assaulting a minor and is scheduled to be arraigned on a felony charge of indecent assault and battery. [Boston Globe]

* In case you missed it,after declaring war against the lack of diversity in the arbitration world, rapper Jay-Z managed to get the American Arbitration Association to commit to expanding its roster of black arbitrators. [Hollywood Reporter]

* Which justices dissent most frequently in constitutional cases? The top few probably won’t surprise you, but Adam Feldman has other interesting data too. [Empirical SCOTUS]

* A hefty — think 132 pages — ruling from the Tenth Circuit, overturning a Native American man’s murder conviction and death sentence, could have major implications. [How Appealing]

* Warm words from Eugene Volokh for his co-blogger Nick Rosenkranz, a possible Second Circuit nominee. [Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* Drew Rossow poses an interesting question: Could Your Roomba Soon Be Sucking Up Your Privacy Rights? [Huffington Post]

* Ann Althouse analysis on President Trump’s controversial “fire and fury” comments. [Althouse]

* “THE HORROR. THE HORROR. Newark Terrorized by Whole Foods.” [National Review via Instapundit]

* Akie Abe, first lady of Japan, played Donald Trump so hard. She, evidently, pretended she didn’t know how to speak English to avoid having to talk to our boor of a president. I’m telling you guys: World War III: this time the Axis powers are the good guys. [National Post]

* On this day that Trump turns over his press team, it’s worth mentioning that the media’s war against Trump is doomed to fail. Honestly, this first press conference with Anthony Scaramucci just emphasizes the point. The media asked him two questions in a bunch of different ways: 1. Will you be nicer to us than the last guy? 2. Why does this administration suck? The answers were “sure” and “we’re great,” respectively. [The Guardian]

* Walls don’t just keep people out, they lock people in. Like East Germany before, the White House takes its first totalitarian step to… oh, they’re just banning travel to North Korea. Honestly, that’s a pretty solid idea. [CBS News]

* Kentucky was ordered to pay $222,695 in legal fees to people who had to deal with Kim Davis’s BS. [Louisville Courier-Journal]

* Exxon fined $2,000,000 for “reckless disregard” for sanctions against Russia while current Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was in charge. In response, Exxon sued the U.S. Treasury Department, naming Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin as a defendant, arguing they had received a special carve-out. Everything is so dirty. [ABA Journal]

* Remember when Republicans cried and complained and sniggered that Obama was a “Muslim” whenever he would bring over a Guantanamo detainee for trial in the U.S.? The Trump administration just brought over a Guantanamo detainee for trial in the U.S. This administration is very much like Linkin Park, just do what the black guy did but with white faces and more guitar, and people will like it. [New York Times]

* Breitbart is fapping itself over Anthony Scaramucci, so I checked out Red State and found this gem: “Beating the filibuster just takes guts and a desire to win.” The argument is that Republican leaders should not be afraid of a Democratic filibuster on health care, because if Republicans are strong they’ll refuse to conduct any other business until health care gets a vote, and Democrats won’t shut down the government to save Obamacare. Two points: (a) Republicans don’t have 50 votes now, and (b) NOTHING would make Democrats happier than to shut down the entire Republican legislative agenda by making a principled stand defending the right to health care. But hey, if y’all think you have the “guts” to shut down the government in order to “win,” by all means, bring it the eff on. [RedState]

Here are four realities that soon-to-be President Donald Trump will need to come to terms with.

* The joke’s on North Korea: you can’t hack the D.C. Circuit because they still use Commodore 64s. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* As we remember the Slaughter and May holiday party of 1981, here’s a mashup with contemporary music. [Legal Cheek]

* With restrictions lifting, what will America’s new relationship with Cuba mean for business? I’m most looking forward to imported communist liquor. They can call it Red Rum. [LXBN]

* Court says Muslim can’t take the oath on a Koran. I mean, isn’t this that special time of year where people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ? [Religion Clause]

* The least efficient armed robbery ever nets pennies. If one of these guys drops a dime on the others guys he’d actually be coming out ahead. [Legal Juice]

* Christmas wishes revolving mostly around Agent Carter and Star Wars. My only Star Wars wish is for a stand-alone Admiral Ackbar movie, but we’re not going to get it. [The Legal Geeks]

* “Pay up or the cat gets it!” is an entirely acceptable means of collecting judgments in Russia. Because of course it is. [Lowering the Bar]

* Conservative Teresa Wagner, the professor who sued the University of Iowa for discrimination, is now irked that she’s been relegated to the library pending retrial. [TaxProf Blog]

* Mayonnaise manufacturer has dropped its stupid lawsuit over the definition of “mayonnaise.” Litigation dollars well spent. [Slate]

* A new company, “Assholes on Demand,” threatens to undercut the primary service lawyers provide. [The Irreverent Lawyer]

* North Korea hacks finally hit trend-chasing lawyers where it hurts. [Twitter]

* The California bar exam pass rate took a big hit. But big shifts in bar passage are not new in California historically. [Bar Exam Stats]

* Number crunchers conclude that in the UK, people hire expensive lawyers more than successful lawyers. [Legal Futures]

While President Obama was right about the consequences of heeding terrorist whims, he may have been wrong about whose responsibility it was to bear the burden of not heeding those whims.

He worked for a president who liked to get blowjobs; now Boies defends a film studio joking about them.

A controversy is brewing over an intramural softball team name. Cast your vote on whether it's funny or inappropriate!

* It’s about freakin’ time. Guess who’s jumped on board the ever popular “blame the ABA” bandwagon? None other than David Segal, the New York Times equivalent of the law school scam blogger. [New York Times] * Newt says that as president, he’d ignore SCOTUS decisions. Raise your hand if you want to elect someone […]