Law student who is employed upon graduation thanks to the marketable skill of bagging groceries.
You can do anything with a law degree, including most of the things you could have done without a law degree.
For instance, you could bag groceries with a law degree. I think they even teach classes in law school that prepare you for a life of bagging groceries — one is called “Environmental Law.” Still, when a law school starts advertising “clerking” jobs that involve working in stores instead of courthouses, you really know all you need to about the market for new graduates.
And this is from a law school with a bit of a history of advertising terrible law jobs for its grads…
The job market for new attorneys is bad, but you already know that. People are struggling to find any paying legal work of any kind, even as they hope that one day the investment they’ve made in law school will pay off. And you already know that.
Employers know that. Employers know that you are desperate and sad, and they’re happy to take advantage of that. But there’s an employer posting on Craigslist who wants to hire you, even though they know you’re going to spend a lot of your time there crying in your office.
I don’t know about you, but I would love to be a law school dean. Hell, I’d be the dean of the crappiest law school available. I’d crush the faculty, elevate career services, bottom-out tuition, teach “business management” courses during the useless third year, and ask 0Ls to submit a “career business plan” instead of a personal essay when they apply.
So… where do I send my application?
Actually, there’s a law school in Texas that posted its deanship opening on Symplicity…
Usually, when we discuss terrible jobs we’re talking about an employer offering a very low salary (or asking for payment), for a low-level, menial job. This time, the hourly rate is actually pretty decent — at least when you can find the work.
It’s one of the requirements that seems totally ridiculous and newsworthy:
Ivy League or comparable only, please.
This is not going to be a post about how contract work is beneath Ivy league (or comparable) attorneys. This is going to be a post about what kind of a giant douchebag you have to be to feel like your collection work can only be completed by Ivy league attorneys….
But employers who are trying to take advantage of the desperation in the recent graduate market are real jerks. Trying to get desperate recent grads to work for free (or to actually pay you to work) isn’t taking advantage of a market opportunity, it’s taking advantage of people.
We’ve seen a lot of employers offering to “hire” people for free, but rarely with the kind of pompous overtones of the Craigslist ad below. It’s one of those ads that boasts about a lot of things in ALL CAPS, except for when it comes to paying people….
It’s time to take another look at some of the worst jobs being offered to recent law graduates around the country. Most people think that getting a J.D. is a path to high-salaried positions where you work in an office that smells of rich mahogany.
Today, we’re not looking at full-time jobs, though. We’re taking a look at some positions available for people looking to supplement their income. These are part-time positions, but if you are a student or a recent graduate who needs some extra cash, you should check these out.
It's great to work this hard and get paid less than minimum wage. And by 'great' I mean 'amazingly horrible.'
Welcome to Above the Law’s ongoing series: “Jobs that will put y’all back in chains.”
Unlike many of our terrible jobs, today’s story about the terrible job market is at least a job for lawyers that involves the practice of law. And earning money.
Mind you, it’s not a lot of money. Depending on how many hours you work, it’s below minimum wage. And the ad says that the hours are grueling.
But the combination of low pay and hard work isn’t what makes this job particularly horrible. It’s the fact that the employer thinks they’re going to attract the best of the best with this pathetic excuse for legal work….
We’ve done a surprising number of stories about law school career service officers who push babysitting gigs on their unemployed students. I say “surprising” because after our first story, you’d think law schools would figure out that law students don’t like being put up for jobs that they could have secured in high school.
Since that first one, most CSO personnel and other law school staffers have figured out that babysitting jobs are best when the employer is a professor or somebody else connected with the law school. Then it’s less of a “career of last resort” and more of “helping out a member of your community” (who happens to be well-connected).
But it looks like one school has regressed to the point of just insulting its students with a babysitting ad that kind of rubs salt in the unemployment wound….
If you think collection agencies are mainly staffed with unscrupulous jerks who barely understand the law and care about it even less, you might not be wrong.
A tipster sent in a Craigslist ad for a foreclosure firm in Pennsylvania. It’s pretty straight forward in terms of what the agency is about, and what kind of lawyer they’re looking for. Let’s just say that they’re not looking for people who made law review.
In fact, they aren’t even looking for a lawyer who will prepare his or her own documents. If you can sign your name, you can be their lawyer….
Regular readers of this blog will know that I don’t like guns. I don’t like gun owners, and the Second Amendment is the only amendment I can’t stand. If there was an unsecured firearm just hanging out around the ATL offices, I’d be very unhappy. Guns kill people and I’d be far more worried about a co-worker accidentally shooting the biggest target in the room than the Adam Kaisers of the world making a personal appearance to our offices.
But, even though I’m a pansy-ass liberal who trusts in power of peace over the false security of loaded weapons, I would not freak out if I found out that somebody around here kept a gun under his desk in case Evan Chesler hears one too many “Cravath no longer pays top of the market” references and decides to execute order 66.
Of course, I’m a grown man who knows that when the bullets start flying there’s no shame in running or hiding like a bitch. Other people with less experience and confidence might see a gun and turn into a useless pile of fear.
And that’s when the internet needs to step in and give some advice…
The evolution of relationships between the genders continues. Currently, in law firms, there is an interesting conundrum; balancing the desire for a gender-blind workplace where “the best lawyer gets the work and advances” and the reality of navigating the complicated maze created by the fact that, in general, men and women do possess differences in their work styles. These variations impact who they work with, how they work, how they build professional connections and how organizations ultimately leverage, reward and recognize the talents of all.
Henry Ford sat on his workbench and sighed. A year earlier, he had personally built 13,000 Model Ts with his own hands. Fashioning lugnuts and tie rods by hand, Ford was loath to ask for help. Sure, there were things about the car that he didn’t quite understand. This explains the lack of reliable navigation systems in the Model T. But Ford persevered because he knew that unless he did everything, he could not reliably call these cars his own.
“Unless my own personal toil is responsible for it, it may as well be called a Hyundai,” Ford remarked at the time.
The preceding may sound unfamiliar because it is categorically untrue. And also monumentally stupid. Henry Ford didn’t build all those cars by hand. He had help and plenty of it. Almost exactly one hundred years ago, Henry Ford opened up the most technologically advanced assembly line the world had ever seen. Built on the premise that work can be chopped up into digestible pieces and completed by many men better than one, the line ushered in an age of unparalleled productivity.
Today, an attorney refers business because he can’t do everything the client asks of him.
There are three reasons why this is way dumber than a made-up Henry Ford story…
Ed. note: The Asia Chronicles column is authored by Kinney Recruiting. Kinney has made more placements of U.S. associates, counsels and partners in Asia than any other recruiting firm in each of the past six years. You can reach them by email: [email protected].
Since late last year, things have been booming in Hong Kong / China in cap markets, especially Hong Kong IPOs. M&A deal flow has recently been getting a bit stronger as well. Although one can’t predict such things with any certainty, all signs are pointing to a banner entire 2014 for the top end US corporate and cap markets practices in Hong Kong / China. This is not really new news, as its been the feeling most in the market have had for a few months now and things continue to look good.
The head of our Asia practice, Evan Jowers, has been in Hong Kong for about 10 days a month (with trips every other month to both Shanghai and Bejing) for the past 7 months, and spending most of his time there meeting with senior US hiring partners at just about all the major US and UK firms there, as well as prospective candidates at all associate levels and partner levels, and when in the US, Evan works Asia hours and is regularly on the phone with such persons, as our the other members of our Asia team. Our Yuliya Vinokurova is in Hong Kong every other month and Robert is there about 5 times a year as well. While we have a solid Asia team of recruiters, Evan Jowers will spend at least some time with all of our candidates for Asia position. We have had long standing relationships, and good friendships in some cases, with hiring partners and other senior US partners in Asia for 8 years now.