Toilets

Are you capable of working your toilet correctly?

It’s possible that you aren’t and there’s a new class action lawsuit seeking millions from the companies that have duped you into abusing your toilet privileges. Does this sound stupid? Sure. But after digging into the issue, there’s something to the suit, at least to the extent that millions in damages are directly attributable to poor toilet flushing practices.

So put down that Taco Bell Gordita and let’s talk about what you’re doing to your plumbing and the environment…

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That’s the sound of the men, blogging on the train, gaa-ang. That’s the sound of the men, blogging on the train, gang.

Sorry, blogging on an iPad while heading to a shut-down D.C. for our trivia night reminds me of prison, for some reason.

Don’t get me wrong, blogging on a train and being incarcerated are still far better than going to law school. The Northeast Regional and the penitentiary might not be particularly comfortable, but at least the toilets work.

Can your law school say the same?

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Isn't this what the toilet paper looks like at your law school?

Shouldn’t Bar/Bri or somebody sell toilet paper with property rules on it so people could take an easement on the throne? Perhaps one could adversely possess the toilet in an open, hostile, and notorious manner?

Sorry, I don’t usually go for toilet humor, but students at Case Western Reserve University School of Law have inspired me. Somebody at Case has been using TP in very interesting ways.

But the toilet paper isn’t trying to save your GPA, it’s trying to save your soul…

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We know how you love blind items. And we know how you enjoy potty humor. So let’s mash up these two categories, to generate a Biglaw bathroom blind item.

If you dislike frivolous fare or if you have delicate sensibilities, please stop reading here. Otherwise, you may proceed….

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In the past week or two, our bathroom coverage has exploded. We’ve written about a law firm and a law school experiencing toilet shortages, a law school that has a sense of humor when selling naming rights to its bathrooms, and a law firm that wants its employees to follow proper restroom etiquette.

Do we talk too much about bathrooms? Well, not necessarily. Think about it this way: how much time does a person spend over the course of a lifetime in the bathroom, engaged in excretory functions?

(By the way, that’s a great management consulting case-study interview question. Try to answer it if you can; put your reasoning and calculations in the comments.)

If you’re tired of the toilet humor, stop here. But if you want to see a funny sign from a courthouse bathroom, keep reading….

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I’ve never been a fan of U.S. News obsessing over how much money law schools spend on their facilities. I feel it artificially inflates the cost of going to law school in a digital age where so much of what you need can be found online.

But there are some things that you can’t do online. Not yet at least. Like going to the bathroom. Perhaps if Steve Jobs were still alive, the iPoop and the Waterless iPoop would be just around the corner. But we were robbed of that great man.

Maybe all you need to know about the difference between top law schools and not-so-hot law schools really does come down to toilets. At Harvard, they name them after rich alumni. At North Dakota Law School, they barely have them….

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Above the Law may need to hire a full-time legal bathroom beat reporter.

A few days ago, we learned that Harvard Law School named a bathroom after an alumnus with an, umm, unusual last name.

Last night, we received a tip about the San Francisco branch of a national law firm that delivered an office-wide email concerning “restroom etiquette.” The email is hilarious, and if nothing else, impressively thorough. They thought of everything. The missive covered tips for masking awkward bathroom noises, suggestions for choosing a urinal, and an emphasis on the ways bathroom behavior can affect your professional reputation.

Let’s see which firm has (toilet) water on the brain, and take a look at the memo….

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The DLA Piper I-70 portable office.

You know how people make jokes about DLA Piper having offices in all sorts of random places and Third World countries — er, developing nations? Well, if you like those jokes, you are going to love this story.

At one DLA Piper office, they ran out of running water. No water to wash your hands, no water to flush the toilets.

But the associates still had to show up for work. Can you guess which office?

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This is a urinal. And It seems far too many of you don't know how or when to use it.

Welcome to Above the Law’s remedial skills class for current and aspiring attorneys. Here, we will trying to help people who were so busy studying in law school or servicing clients that they missed some crucial life lessons along the way.

Today we’ve got a special lesson for all of you who were raised in a barn or otherwise don’t understand how to use a bathroom.

We have two case studies, one from the Bronx and the other from the University of Arizona Law School. The cases show us lawyers who either don’t know how to recognize or how to utilize a public bathroom. It’s a dirty business teaching lawyers how to pee properly, but somebody has to step in when the parents (and common sense) fail.

Our first case comes from Bronx, New York, home to countless attorneys — including some who apparently don’t know what a bathroom looks like…

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  • 27 Aug 2010 at 4:47 PM
  • Uncategorized

A Collection of Things You Can Do in a Bathroom

We know how our readers are obsessed with toilets. Over the course of this week, a couple of stories came in about bathroom shenanigans, and we’ll deal with them both here. We’ve got a steamy bathroom (or maybe not, see correction below) and a stinky bathroom from Iowa and UCLA Law, respectively.

First up, Iowa. Land of same-sex marriage and judges getting kicked around because of same-sex marriage. With everybody hot and bothered over gay love in the corn state, you’d think there wasn’t any good, clean, traditional-values sex happening in Iowa. Well the Des Moines Register tells us that Iowa is still safe for heterosexual couples:

A Waterloo lawyer who allegedly had sex with a client in the law library of the Black Hawk County Courthouse faces a possible suspension of his license.

The Iowa Supreme Court’s Attorney Disciplinary Board alleges that Clovis M. Bowles had sexual relations with one of his female clients on several occasions in 2007 and 2008.

Clearly, if we let the “gay agenda” have its way and ruin the traditional definition of marriage, this kind of grotty, bathroom hetrosex will be a thing of the past. And that’ll make Jesus angry…

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