Fictional Lawyer Madness: Regional Finals Part Two

1) Ben Matlock (Andy Griffith; Matlock) v. 2) Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon; Legally Blonde) But what if the ladies aren’t all voting for Elle Woods in a block, yet she’s winning anyway? What if there are lots of women who hate this bubble gum stuff just as much as I do? That would mean there […]

By Elie Mystal on June 30, 2011 6:02 pm

1) Ben Matlock (Andy Griffith; Matlock)

2) Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon; Legally Blonde)

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But what if the ladies aren’t all voting for Elle Woods in a block, yet she’s winning anyway? What if there are lots of women who hate this bubble gum stuff just as much as I do? That would mean there were a bunch of men who were also voting for Elle Woods. That would mean Elle Woods has somehow reached a point where she defies traditional gender roles and has become a crossover icon for women and men.

I think now would be a good time to mention that if a real life Elle Woods showed up in Harvard Square, she’d be one of those trust fund babies who hangs out in the pit trying to look hardcore in front of tourists and parents, but wets themselves any time a person from Roxbury shows up. She wouldn’t be a law student.

Of course, in real life, Matlock wouldn’t be a lawyer; he’d be selling bait at a local shop where he spun yarns about the big one he hooked back in ’67. There is nothing real about this match-up. Not Andy Griffith’s teeth, not Reese Witherspoon’s breasts.

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