Non-Sequiturs: 03.15.13

* Republican Senator Rob Portman announces his support for gay marriage after learning that his son is gay. Yay! Let’s all celebrate him for meeting the lowest threshold of human decency once he found a purely selfish reason to change. [ABC News] * Wait, they can declare martial law in Brooklyn? I thought they could only do that in terrible movies. [Before It's News] * A Southern District of Florida clerk is named one of Southern Florida’s most eligible bachelors. Our bachelor “claims to be the other white meat” and to “have a lot in common with Christian Grey.” He doesn’t sound douchey at all. [Brickell Magazine (jump to page 91)] * Comparing Chicago Law faculty to Game of Thrones characters produces surprisingly accurate results. [UChilawgo] * With law schools raising tuition and the profession shrinking… more people need to rush to law school. Keep sipping that sweet, sweet Kool-Aid, buddy. [Daily Princetonian] * GW Law’s Barrister’s Ball — $2500 fee for vomiting! [GW Law SBA] * Watch Elie talk about Wayne LaPierre and guns. [HuffPost Live] * University of Oregon Property professor doesn’t understand “property,” snatches student’s phone. Click through the jump to see more video of what happens when law professors and hippies clash! [Photography Is Not a Crime]