Non-Sequiturs: 07.29.13

* Chess match becomes eight-hour police standoff. Sure, that makes sense. [Lowering the Bar] * A roundup of the worst courtroom jokes of all time. The decision to kick off Roe v. Wade with a sexist joke was so “meta.” [Salon] * Order some fine wines from Barrister Winery, founded by two lawyers who bought a home wine-making kit and turned it into their business. [Barrister Winery] * A Brooklyn ADA is not fired for calling hookers from his office phone. Charlie Hynes runs a tight ship over there. [Brooklyn Magazine] * A new study suggests that smartphones may make you meeker. The flaw with the study is that someone with a desktop doesn't walk away and "take the initiative" because they're more gung ho, but because desktops are not as cool as sitting around and playing Temple Run on your smartphone. [The Careerist] * Simon Lazarus, Senior Counsel at the Constitutional Accountability Center, says that libertarianism has taken over the Supreme Court. I won’t believe it until they hand down a ruling about returning to the gold standard. [The New Republic] * Teresa and Joe from The Real Housewives of New Jersey “charged with conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud, bank fraud, making false statements on loan applications and bankruptcy fraud in a 39-count indictment.” Teresa’s reaction to the news after the jump…