Non-Sequiturs: 05.15.14

* “Ladies and gentlemen of the Jury, if my client was the shooter, why would he have left the witness alive to testify? He’s a man who finishes the damn job.” [ABA Journal] * Who would pretend to be a lawyer who is not? Apparently this public figure. [Legal Cheek] * Jill Abramson is out at the New York Times. Could the reason be her decision to lawyer up? [Law and More] * If you’ve hung around ATL long enough, you’ve heard us speculate that it just doesn’t make economic sense to attend most law schools. Here’s proof — only about 50 are even worth it economically. Which is hard to believe because I thought law degrees were worth $1 million. [TaxProf Blog] * Lawyers get depressed, and not talking about it makes it worse. [Everyday Health] * Seven-year-old kids are developing health problems from picking tobacco, because we let children work on tobacco farms apparently. [Slate] * The Asian American Bar Association will be conducting a trial reenactment of 22 Lewd Chinese Women next Wednesday. Register here! [AABANY] * As the new movie comes out, lawyers are really worked up over the Godzilla intellectual property. They need to hire Jorge Rivers: Godzilla Lawyer, whose ad appears after the jump (starring Thomas Lennon)…. [The Columbus Dispatch]