Department of Justice, Immigration

DOJ Official: 3-Year-Olds Can Competently Represent Themselves

This is what happens when a cynical disregard for the most vulnerable in society bleeds into rank stupidity.

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A very special Daniel Tiger expels children from The Land Of Make-Believe.

A very special Daniel Tiger expels children from The Land Of Make-Believe.

If you didn’t already think the government had a raging contempt for effective counsel sticking their noses where they absolutely belong, this should swing you over. Because a senior DOJ official — indeed, their hand-picked expert — testified that 3-year-olds can represent themselves in immigration hearings, so there’s no reason for anyone to get in a tizzy over kids sucking their thumbs while arguing for their very futures.

That may sound absurd, but this guy knows his stuff because he’s taught these toddlers everything they need to know about immigration law. It’s really not even that hard:

“I’ve taught immigration law literally to 3-year-olds and 4-year-olds,” [longtime immigration judge Jack H.] Weil said. “It takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of patience. They get it. It’s not the most efficient, but it can be done.”

They may not know their ABCs, but they can be all over their H1Bs with just a little help. This is, of course, complete bulls**t because 3-year-olds couldn’t grasp entry visas if Joe Arpaio guest starred on PAW Patrol, and it’s already sketchy enough that we let 25-year-olds practice after three years at Ave Maria. They could ace law school, though — at least per the most superficial of observations.

Legal and child-psychology experts ridiculed Weil’s assertions, noting that key milestones for 3- and 4-year-olds include cooperating with other children, saying simple sentences and building towers of blocks.

As someone who has sat by and watched a 3-year-old struggle mightily to follow the plot to Sofia the First, I can vouch for this. On the other hand, “let’s build a wall” is a pretty simple sentence about building a series of towers and completely sums up President Trump’s policy, so maybe the pre-operational stage is more than enough. Or, more accurately, it’s more than enough for the legions of immigration officials we have who want to remove any speed bumps between their whims and a swift “detain-and-deport” result. Immigration isn’t a “criminal” matter after all.

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The PR disaster of this testimony controversial nature of Weil’s comments prompted the DOJ to quickly issue a statement distancing themselves from Weil, who they claim spoke only in his “personal capacity.” Despite the valiant backtracking from the DOJ, it’s a tough sell to walk back this nonsense when they affirmatively chose him as their expert in a lawsuit brought by the ACLU to force the government to provide counsel to children. Somehow the DOJ is trying to argue that his dingbat theory of child development never came up at any point while prepping this guy to testify as an expert for the administration in a case about providing counsel to children. It’s the point of the f**king case. That’s how little the DOJ regards these kids — no one along the way saw any problem with any part of this position.

Or it’s just an astounding level of malpractice. When reached for comment, the lawyer who prepped Weil noted that “boys are icky” and that she “want to be Elsa when I grows up.”

Can a 3-year old represent herself in immigration court? This judge thinks so. [Washington Post]

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