Solo Practitioners

Attorney Offers Himself Up As Trained Monkey To Anybody With A Plan

Lawyer posts ad for office manager looking to help a monkey with a law degree.

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Attorney needs right hand person

Hello, I am an attorney. I am limiting my practice to work in federal courts, ie, bankruptcy, immigration, social security, suits brought in federal court via diversity, federal question or other jurisdictdional basis. I need an experienced person to work with. Perhaps this is a situation where you are talented, experienced, and hardworking and do not feel appreciated at your current station, and feel that you could take a monkey who happens to have a law license and be a part of a profitable enterprise. Basically, assume I am a monkey, and if you think you could work with me to see to it that you and I at least have food on the table and obey all Rules of Professional Responsibility, then please let me know.

PLEASE NOTE: I have very, very little money right now. Assume I work for Uber or deliver pizzas or something to make ends meet. This is not the opportunity (I have to figure out if it has to be a job, or if it can be an independent contractor type thing like with all these delivery and ridesharing apps that I myself make money doing) for someone who does not KNOW that they could run a law practice and make it profitable with even an actual monkey as the possessor of the law license. Obviously, I will have to comply with all rules of Professional Responsibility, including those relative to monitoring non-lawyer assistants. I apologize, but I will not respond to all inquiries I receive. I would appreciate your enunciating a plan, a prospective plan to make an arrangement like this work. How would I get clients? How would I get them to pay me? How and what are you going to get paid? How am I going to be able to have such an arrangement with you without running afoul of any laws or rules?What area of law makes sense to focus on? Will I be better off doing this (ie, a better ratio of headaches/risks to dollars per hour) than if I was working for Uber or delivering pizzas? Things like that. Remember, I will not practice in state courts. It must be a federal setting.

Getting and maintaining a law license was neither easy nor cheap. I am not going to pursue this with someone who wants to give it a shot with no experience in this sort of thing, unless they very talented and hardworking, but even then… I am imagining someone who has been running some other attorney’s office for years and putting up with their foibles for like, idk, $14 an hour, and thinks they could make a better situation for themselves with what little I have outlined above. I imagine I am being really naive here, but, who knows…It is going to take some convincing to get me to pursue this, and that will require details, a plan of action, and more. I respectfully ask you to consider if this is right for you, and, if so, to go about convincing me we can have an arrangement that is right for me. For instance, can you get me a client? Is it legal for you to get me a client? What must I be aware of with respect to how you went about getting that client? How much can you interact with such a client, etc., etc.,

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