Small Law Firms

Yes, Lawyers Have Lives Outside Of The Courtroom

The tribulations of a small town lawyer trying to live their life.

By  
on
I only want the freshest

Not the time for legal advice.

When I was a small child and saw nuns in the grocery store I would absolutely freak out. My mother has told me I would loudly exclaim, “mom, mom, mom, NUNS!” I recall being fascinated and asking questions like “What are they doing here? Is this where they get the holy water? Did the Priest come with them? But who’s guarding the church?[1] Do you think they’re lost? Wait, does Jesus live in the grocery store?” My mother was understandably mortified each time this would happen and tried to avoid such uncomfortable interactions by pre-emptively steering me to another aisle when she saw a nun.

As an attorney in a smaller city, I am the nun and my clients are the semi-shocked, semi-thrilled, semi-confused child versions of me. For context, frequently after work I go to the gym. Before going home to shower, I drop in at the grocery store to pick up whatever is needed for dinner in sweat-soaked workout clothes. In this relative state of disheveledness, I have on several occasions had the unfortunate experience of confronting clients. Reactions take a variety of forms:

  1. The “I know you know me and I know I know you, but let’s all be chill and not expend our mutual energy observing it.” This is the preferred option. It happens most frequently with a client who is employed as a professional. I am their attorney, but they have the presence of mind to realize that we are unlikely to advance the attorney-client relationship while flanked by candy and tabloids. Most often, one of the individuals in this interaction picks up a magazine and pretends to read it out of fear that the other party is not on board with the charade.
  2. The “so I guess you didn’t have to work today, huh?” This is spoken by clients who, for whatever reason, are not able to cognize that I exist beyond the confines of my law firm or court. They are frequently individuals I have correctly — as evidenced by their reaction — assessed necessitate wearing of suit and tie when I meet with them.[2] My unspoken snarky formation of a response to their inane question is, “no, jackass, I worked today but contrary to the opinion of you and whomever designed baseball uniforms in the 19th and early 20th century, wool is not a fabric that breathes or wicks away sweat well, so I am wearing this.”
  3. The “mom, mom, mom ATTORNEY!” This is a client who tends to be accompanied by another individual from their life who doesn’t know me, and is so overwhelmed by having seen me that they revert entirely to a 5-year-old version of me seeing a nun. For whatever reason, most of the time the client has a criminal or divorce case with me. It is my informed assumption they are asking questions like, “What is he doing here?  Is this where he gets legal pads? Is the judge with him? But are they closing court today? Do you think he’s lost? Wait, is he suing the grocery store?”
  4. The “while I have you here, let’s talk about my case.” This client is the antitheses of the preferred client in option 1. He or she believes that the dairy aisle at 7:45 PM, while I have no pen nor other means of recording the discussion, is a perfectly appropriate time and place time to unload the 900 factual nuances to their case that have occurred since we last spoke. He or she is unconvinced by a polite request that we chat about this tomorrow or meet very soon. I will most certainly bill them .3 “Meet with client to discuss occurrences relevant to their case while buying gallon of skim milk and Greek yogurt.”

My penance for unintentionally annoying nuns when I was a child is having to deal with clients who have reactions 2, 3 and 4.  I would have preferred 3 Hail Marys and 2 Our Fathers.  Such is life.

[1] Evidently my understanding of the role of nuns in the Catholic church, at least in part, involved acting as security for the physical structure of the church.

Sponsored

[2] Though, upon reflection, this may be a chicken and egg situation. Do they only react like this because I wear a suit and tie when I meet with them?

Atticus T. Lynch, Esq. is an attorney in Any Town, Any State, U.S.A. He did not attend a top ten law school. He’s a litigator who’d like to focus on Employment and Municipal Litigation, but the vicissitudes of business cause him to “focus” on anything that comes in the door. He can be reached at atticustlynch@gmail.com or on Twitter

Sponsored

Topics

, , , ,