You all should just be happy that most black people do not keep it as real as Charles Oakley.
For the uninitiated, Charles Oakley is a former basketball player. He was an excellent role player for the New York Knicks and the Chicago Bulls, on the court. But he was also much more than that. I don’t know exactly how to explain Charles Oakley to a non-sports fan but: try to imagine the concept of toughness, mated with the feeling of intimidation, raised with an utter refusal to take s**t. Then put that soul into a 6′-9” black man with the body of the Frankenstein monster, and you have a rough approximation of Charles Oakley.
For younger readers, Charles Oakley is who Charles Barkley wants you to think he is.
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Oakley is the hero in this story. The villain is New York Knicks owner James Dolan. Again, if you don’t follow the NBA, little Jimmy is a bit hard to describe. Imagine a dimwitted goldfish suffering from mercury poisoning who was magically turned into a prince and given dominion over the land despite not really knowing how to walk. But the goldfish-prince is sad because he wanted to be a rock star instead of a ruler, so he only gives power to people who are willing to subject themselves to his goddamn fish music.
Those are the characters. The backstory is that the Knicks were a relative competent team when they were owned by James’s father, billionaire Charles Dolan. But Charles gave the team to Jimmy, probably as Charles learned that his son was incapable of amounting to anything on his own. The Knicks are a plaything for the Dolan family. It’s like giving your child a gerbil because they’re incapable of taking care of a dog and nobody cares when gerbils die.
Of course, Prince Goldfish-Dolan doesn’t like being reminded that his father’s teams were better than his in every way, so he systematically excludes former Knick greats from current team functions, and that includes players like Charles Oakley.
Unfortunately, there isn’t much else for ageing Shaft/Frankenstein’s to do, so Oakley really wants to be part of the team in some way. But Dolan keeps giving him the cold shoulder.
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Fast-forward to last night. It appears that Oakley bought a ticket or was given a ticket to the Knicks’ game (which they lost, of course, because the Knicks are terrible). He got a seat behind or near James Dolan, arguably to talk to him about how he could be of value to the team. Please try to imagine how humiliating this must have been for Oakley: to have to buy his own ticket to the game just to try to suck up to the total incompetent who is only the “owner” because his rich daddy handed him 14 black guys and a Latvian to play with before bedtime.
Eyewitness reports say that Oakley was seen talking to Dolan, and then… security showed up and tried to escort Oakley from his seat (that, again, he had a ticket for) and Madison Square Garden. If you’ve been hearing what I’m trying to tell you, this picture should be totally expected.
Oakley was released from jail, but reports say he will be charged with three counts of assault.
Current and former NBA players, including LeBron James, have come to Oakley’s defense. Which makes sense. Most likely, they’re all still terrified of him, as well they should be.
For Knicks fans, this has to be the last straw, right? Like, Knicks fans aren’t Patriots fans. They have the strength to tell the truth about their own team. I mean, it’s not like Oakley could have possibly said something “offensive” to Dolan that wasn’t also basically accurate, right? “You are a mentally handicapped fish.” Kinda true. “The Knicks will never be good as long as you own the team.” Demonstrably true. “I could murder you with my bare hands at half-court and this entire arena would cheer.” Not wrong!
Frankly, if we could all be a little bit more like Charles Oakley, the world would be a better place. The time for being ignored is over. The time for rich white owners to sic an entire security force upon you in order to shut you up is now.
When my turn comes, I hope I go out like Charles Oakley.
Charles Oakley Arrest: Why Was a Basketball Legend Dragged Out of Arena in Handcuffs? [NBC News]
Elie Mystal is an editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at [email protected]. He will resist.