There is a type of case that is more vicious than a divorce, in which the parties act less constrained by law or societal norm than a criminal case, and into which people pour more money and invest more of their effort than multi-million dollar commercial litigation. I speak of course of the traditional neighbor-to-neighbor property dispute.
A moment of honesty, while I insist on demanding a $10,000 initial retainer on these cases (see above) if you could actually monetize the overall value of a boundary dispute case, I would imagine they seldom exceed $20-30K. Nevertheless, they often get billed out from beginning-to-end, which often includes a trial (see above) and the almost certain need for an expert, at around $50k. In the end, the most likely scenario is a new boundary ordered by the Court that ensures that neither party will be wholly victorious, the value of which is nothing, nada, zilch, zero, donut, a barren abyss[1].
I feel like I do these cases pretty well. Mind you, I know very little about real estate. I need to consult another attorney to explain the real estate issues. But, at their core, these cases are all about figuring out the arcane legal issue, molding an argument to fit those legal issues, and dealing with the tumult (again, see above).[2] The facts of these cases are all relatively similar but with infinite permutations Shed on the wrong part of my land; a row of bushes over the boundary; my easement to the lake is overburdened by a dock, a truck, a truck hauling a dock, a truck full of kayaks, a kayak, a kid’s back pack, a yak (ok, now I’m just rhyming)…
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I have found these disputes often lead to some great deposition transcripts. Take for instance the time I deposed a party-opponent on whose land my clients had inadvertently built a portion of their garage. The dispute dealt with the value of the small strip of land on which the garage was placed, because ultimately payment for it should resolve what had been an ongoing nasty dispute. Accordingly, pinning down a value for the strip of land was the most important portion of the deposition. Here is as close to as I can recall that portion of the deposition:
Me: In your interrogatories, you said the value of the property was $20,000.00?
Deponent: Yep.
Me: And how did you arrive at that number?
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Deponent: That’s the price, because of all the bullshit I had to deal with.
Me: So that price is based on all the bullshit you have had to deal with?
Deponent: That’s right.
Me: Would the value of that piece of land been different had there been no bullshit?
Deponent: Probably.
Me: What would the value have been without the bullshit?
Deponent: I’m not saying.
Me: You have to.
Deponent: If they had done it right, they would have got it for nothing.
Me: Ok.
Deponent: Does that answer your question?
Me: It does. I have nothing else.
Deponent: Good.
I think there is all encompassing lesson for life to be learned from this. If it weren’t for the bullshit, there’d be no wars, no disputes, no anger, no conflict, and we’d all provide each other everything that we need. The problem, however, is that in resolving the things that come up in life, we generate bullshit. And our definition of what comprises bullshit varies greatly from person to person. Thus, all of the harm in the world is caused by the bullshit we generate in attempting to resolve the differences in our varied definitions of bullshit I hope someday we can spontaneously agree to and consent to a universal definition of bullshit. Meanwhile, the retainer for a boundary dispute case remains $10,000.00.
[1] Which accurately depicts the condition of my soul after trying one of these cases.
[2] No kidding Atticus, that was sooooooo enlightening, you’ve essentially described litigation.
Atticus T. Lynch, Esq. is an attorney in Any Town, Any State, U.S.A. He did not attend a top ten law school. He’s a litigator who’d like to focus on Employment and Municipal Litigation, but the vicissitudes of business cause him to “focus” on anything that comes in the door. He can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter