Drinking, Health / Wellness

The Changing Face Of Recovery Anonymity

Are millennials changing the way we approach recovery?

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via Getty Images

via Getty Images

Bob Dylan crooned, “the times, they are a changing,” especially where addiction recovery and secrecy is concerned.

A growing number of individuals in recovery, particularly millennials, are choosing to no longer be “anonymous” and share their stories publicly for both their own recovery to let others know they are not alone and that recovery is possible. In the last several years we have seen influential, ground-breaking documentaries celebrating an era of “recovering out loud” including “The Anonymous People” and “Generation Found.”

How will these new attitudes play out as millennials, a demographic entrenched in social media sharing at a level dwarfing their Baby Boomer and Gen X recovery colleagues, become the dominant recovery demographic –including in Alcoholics Anonymous(AA) where the current average age is fifty years old. Who better to ask than millennials in recovery and on the front lines of advocacy. I reached out to Ryan Hampton with some question. Ryan is a recovery advocate at, “Facing Addiction”.

1.  The willingness to recover out loud unlike previous generations is increasing. Why do you think things are changing?  

New-age media, especially social media, have been game changers for people in recovery, especially young people. What we’ve experienced is an underground movement of determined people with a story to tell in an effort to break barriers and inspire others to seek help. For far too long, people have felt a deep sense of shame and stigma because of their disease. Much of this can be attributed to the silence that’s accompanied discussions around addiction and alcoholism. With emerging movements such as Facing Addiction, more people are putting their hands up and identifying. And as a result, people have begun to listen. There are well over 23 million Americans living in long-term recovery today. Each have a name and a story to tell that could just change the course of history if they’re brave enough to stand-up and be heard. Our nation’s enlightenment on addiction and recovery is a direct result of movements just like this. If history is any indicator, we’re on the right path. Remaining silent is no longer an option, at least for me. The louder we get, the more people will listen. And the more lives we’ll save.

2.  The average age of the current AA attendee is 50 years old. As millennials become the dominant demographic in recovery, do you think that traditional and long held notions of personal anonymity will change within the program? 

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I believe we’re long overdue for a healthy discussion on the true meaning of anonymity. In my opinion, the founders of AA never intended for people to remain in the shadows about their own personal recovery status. If that were true, the founders of AA never would have taken to Capitol Hill to discuss alcoholism or allow Marty Mann to found the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence in 1944. I don’t think the intended interpretation of anonymity needs to evolve; however, I strongly believe that perceptually we need a deeper dive in terms of how it’s interpreted.

I next approached a current law student in recovery with similar questions.  Joshua is a person in long-term recovery, and currently attends Ole Miss Law.  Here is what he had to say:

Millennials are going to shake things up. Recovery is going to become less stigmatized. It has to or we’re going to lose too many lives. “Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.” (Big Book Page 164). Recovery was never meant to be dogmatic. It evolves, shifts, and means different things to different people. It’s why it is separate from organized religion, and ultra-inclusive. It gives us uniqueness and the ability to adapt, because if alcoholics don’t adapt or grow, we die.

I wanted to include my generation, so I asked a baby boomer in long-term recovery and a strong advocate of AA traditions about his thoughts on anonymity and what he sees for the future.

Gary K is clean and sober since 1996. He is a 12 Step Historian, Advocate and Educator. The creator of the live stage production “PASS IT ON… AN EVENING WITH BILL W. & DR. BOB” He is the author of Hazelden’s, “WALK THE TALK WITH STEP 12 — STAYING SOBER THROUGH SERVICE.” Gary also serves as Director of Recovery and Education Programs at Grassroots Treatment Center for Men in West Palm Beach.

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What are some common misunderstandings about the 11th tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous as it relates to public sharing?

I think that the most common misunderstanding is that we are supposed to keep our recovery a secret and never discuss A.A, Alanon and other 12-step programs in a public forum. Many believe the sole purpose of the 11th tradition is to guard against one person appearing to represent the whole by breaking anonymity at the level of press, radio, film and television.

There is a much more important reason to maintain anonymity in such circumstances. Our program is a spiritual program. It demands alignment with spiritual principals which saves our lives. The 11th tradition is a key element in the spiritual bedrock upon which our fellowship is built. 

Bill W prolifically admonished members to share their recovery with anyone and everyone including the press with only a few simple caveats. We can state that we are members of 12-step recovery fellowships and that it works. We can state that we are recovering alcoholics and addicts and that we are clean and sober. We can state that we attend 12-step meetings and work a 12–step program. We can walk right up to the line and tell everyone about the healing power of our program without crossing the line and breaking anonymity in a public forum of press, radio, film & television.

Personally, I often contemplate the 11th tradition and feel in the deepest part of my soul that it needs to be reexamined, evaluated, and possibly amended. The obstacle to this, for me, is an issue of quality control. If we open the floodgates and allow everyone and anyone to break anonymity in the press, I believe we could all agree that there are people who none of us would want to have as a public representative of our program and way of life as they would reflect poorly on our program and fellowship. We can’t vet members and cherry pick who we want to have representing us. That would cause an “alcoholic rebellion” and resentment on a biblical scale.

One day our traditions will likely be changed. Until that day arrives, out of gratitude and respect for this program which gave me my life back, I choose to honor the traditions and work hard to push the envelope of anonymity without violation. Practicing humility to the best of my ability as I don’t always do perfectly.

Finally, I wanted to include a millennial who has decided to break with AA tradition and include her attendance in AA as part of her story.  Lara Frazier is a person in long-term recovery and recovery advocate. She writes about her experiences at www.larafrazier.com.

Ever since I first walked into treatment and into the rooms of AA, I learned about the importance of honesty. I found truth-telling to be imperative to my recovery. As I worked the 12 steps and grew into an empowered and capable woman, I wanted other women to know that it was possible to recover. I began telling my story openly on social media and I received pushback from other members of AA. They told me that I was breaking tradition by mentioning AA as part of my story. I tried to follow the guidance of these members and not mention AA in my story, but I found it nearly impossible. AA is part of my story and it was my introduction to recovery.

If I wanted to be fully honest, it was important for me to not withhold details of my story. I wanted to pass on my experience and tell other women how the 12 steps had helped save my life. I left AA over a year ago, for various reasons, but one of the main reasons is because I could not abide by the tradition to keep AA out of my story.

I started my own blog and began writing openly and honestly about my addiction and my recovery. Because I was involved in AA for the first 2 years of my sobriety, I wanted to talk about my experience with the program. I wanted other women to know that AA was the foundation to my recovery and I still use many parts of what I learned there in my toolbox today.

One of the foundations of 12-step recovery in AA is service. By recovering out loud, I have been able to help hundreds of women find their way into recovery. I speak openly on the topic of addiction and recovery because I want women to know the truth about sobriety. I want them to know there is hope and I want them to be able to relate to another woman. I didn’t want to keep my recovery private. I didn’t want to withhold any part of my truth. I wanted to step into my story and own it. In doing so, the shame of my addiction has been removed and the truth of my empowered life in recovery has been revealed. 

And, as for me, Brian Cuban? For different reasons than Lara, I have been open about AA’s role in my recovery since my first year of sobriety. Some of you have emailed me nasty notes, supportive notes and multiple recitations of the 11th tradition. Appreciate the input. I read it all and consider it all. A closed mind is a vulnerable one.

Brian Cuban (@bcuban) is The Addicted Lawyer. A graduate of the University of Pittsburgh School of Law, he somehow made it through as an alcoholic then added cocaine to his résumé as a practicing attorney. He went into recovery April 8, 2007. He left the practice of law and now writes and speaks on recovery topics, not only for the legal profession, but on recovery in general. He can be reached at [email protected].

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