Biglaw, Law Schools

Biglaw Is Handing Out Fidget Spinners And We're All Doomed

Law students, check out your OCI swag.

By  
on

(Photo via Getty Images.)

Everyone erroneously thinks of OCI as a one-way transaction, an opportunity for nervous rising 2Ls to impress the gathering of elite law firms who deign to take meetings with these job hunters. But it’s really a two-way street. Biglaw knows the best and brightest are getting callbacks at all their competitors as well and they have to wow their prospects too.

One way to keep the firm’s name in the forefront of a law student’s mind is to put a cheap piece of plastic on their desk. It’s unclear if the “deal toy” industry really changes anyone’s mind — one would hope a law student isn’t making career decisions based on branded pens — but there’s something to be said for name recognition. I still remember that Stroock & Stroock & Lavan gave me a high-quality stress ball. The fact that, years later, I can identify specific swag with the firm that handed it out says something.

But the dark side of striving to hand out the most meaningful tchotchke is the phenomenon of dragging Biglaw brand names through the most despicable fads. As soon as a network morning show slaps together a “what are [insert dumb thing here], and why are kids obsessed with them?” story to fill time between a softball interview with Jay Sekulow and a feature piece on the best recipes for a summer funeral,[1] there’s a Biglaw firm ready to place an order for five crates of the crap branded to the hilt.

You just know there are some early 1990s Cadwalader pogs out there somewhere.

So it comes as no surprise to learn that fidget-spinners — the trend so stupid that Russia actually thinks it’s a Western plot to undermine their society — are the new hotness in Biglaw marketing:

Sponsored

Oh Baker Botts, why did you have to go and do this to the world? Also, when the firm logo is a big red box,[2] placing it on a red fidget spinner defeats the purpose. Get a white toy and have the logo appear as it’s meant to and… oh my God, I’m participating in this. I mean, why would you order red toys? Did you not have any choice?

Oh. Never mind, Baker Botts didn’t have any alternatives. It looks like the moguls at “Big Fidget Spinner” will get you a toy in any color you want as long as it’s red. Et tu, Milbank?

But this is America in 2017 and we must face it in all its depravity. OCI swag is how we encase in amber the horrible zeitgeist of a particular moment in time. Will any other firms offer fidget spinners? I hear there are pop sockets too. Jesus, what other emblems of American decline will besot OCI this year?

Hopefully some law student will swipe me a solid red “Make Jones Day Great Again” cap.

Sponsored

UPDATE: I’ve heard Cravath is doing it to. You know what that means: NY to… Fidget Spinner!

[1] Not mentioned: ongoing humanitarian crisis in some country that only the BBC seems to know about.

[1] Seriously, what’s up with that logo? It’s just a superscript red box. Like, “footnote… nondescript solid red box.” Did they hire the same design company who phoned in the decision to inexplicably change the USAToday logo to a solid blue dot?

HeadshotJoe Patrice is an editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.

Topics

, , , , , , , ,