Courts

Lawyer Uses Her Harrowing Story Of Sexual Assault To Advocate For Judiciary Changes

You must read these powerful words.

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on

Nicole VanderDoes

I know because I was raped by a state court judge I had just met at a bar association event, with whom I was discussing a project while I waited to meet friends. I know because I was pressured into sexual activity with a federal judge who I knew and admired professionally. They were both significantly older and married, and I did not find them attractive, so it never occurred to me that they had any romantic or sexual interest in me or would try anything. I reluctantly reported the first one to the police about 10 days after it happened, at a prosecutor friend’s very strong urging. The detectives believed me, but eventually told me “it wasn’t rape” under that state’s laws because I had not physically fought back, despite crying, saying stop, and being held down—and it wasn’t worth filing charges for a lesser offense since the judge was outside their jurisdiction by the time I reported it. As a lawyer, I’d read the statutes before I ever contacted the police, and expected that outcome.

To this day, I’m still surprised and grateful that friends, family, and even those detectives believed me, because I never thought anyone would believe a judge would rape someone. In the other instance, I never told anyone. Because it wasn’t “rape.” I didn’t want to do it, and didn’t know how to get out of the situation, but I still feel like I let it happen. I am cordial but uncomfortable when I see him. I have invited him to professional events, because he is someone you invite. I’ve always told myself that he didn’t realize the position he put me in as a much younger woman, alone in a room with him, not wanting to seem rude when he complimented my body, when he touched my hair, when he kissed me.

—Nicole VanderDoes, chief counsel of the ABA Standing Committee on the American Judicial System, in a moving personal essay in the ABA Journal explaining why the judiciary must deal with sexual assault. 

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