I’m a Sox fan. A big one. I grew up in New England and long before the Sox became a perennial fixture in the playoff conversation, they were terrible. I mean, really terrible. As in, lost every game that I went to during my formative years except the rain delays. As in, the manager drank on the bench kind of terrible.
Then one year it all changed. And with new ownership and a hefty financial investment, came the fair-weather fans. Oh, how I loathe fair-weather fans. Idiots in unbroken-in hats in non-team colors tromping around my beloved Fenway Park yelling “pitching wins pennants.” Idiots who drive up the ticket prices when the Sox are hot and then abandon them when they’re out of the race. You know, fair-weather fans.
Upon joining the hallowed ranks of in-house counsel, you may be tempted to seek out others outside of your Legal team to align with. Naturally, your gaze might land upon the Big Four Finance refugee, who like you, may be huddled in his office marveling at the marked decrease in his paycheck and eyeing the business with a panic normally reserved for a pack of feral pigs.
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You might see those shiny diplomas and listen to humble brags about the days of four-digit lunches and think to yourself, this is a person I would get in the dinghy with. This is a person who gets me and understands the crazy I deal with. This is a person who would back me when the chips are down. A friend.
If those are the thoughts going through your head when you see your Finance counterpart, I’d caution you to tread carefully, friend. There could be stormy weather ahead.
In some ways, Finance is more despised than even Legal since Finance can shut down a program or reallocate funds and give no reason other than “the numbers don’t work.” Finance is the one to sternly remind the sales force that promotional dollars are only available for customers who hit their targets (a fact that no account manager likes to be reminded of) and of course, Finance approves everybody’s budget. In short, if Legal is the Parent of the business, then Finance is the Bank. And frankly, I’d rather be the Parent in this scenario.
When everything goes smoothly, Finance is more than happy to partner with me and leverage my Legal cred to co-package a message to the business.
And by co-package a message, Finance means, I will draft it and handle any blowback associated with it since as my Finance counterpart once informed me, “I’m not really a Word person, I’m more of an Excel kind of guy.” That might be a perfectly reasonable argument except we’re talking about a three-line email. And as for the Excel assertion, this particular financial luminary hasn’t quite mastered how to format a pivot table yet. So I’m reserving judgment on spreadsheet prowess.
Yes, I’m all for co-packaging consistent messages with Finance right up until the moment they decide it’s in their best interest to use me like a human shield. Jake, my Finance counterpart, is particularly fond of doing this. Since he sits a scant three offices down from me, I can literally hear him doing it sometimes. It goes like this. “Hey Brian? Yeah, it’s Jake, just returning your call. I totally hear what you’re saying on that revenue recognition issue, but that’s what Legal advised me to do. [Pause] I know, right? Let me see if I can talk her out of it.”
Oh right. Revenue recognition. That thing that has to do with … recognizing revenue? You know, that thing that affects my daily life and goes into my detailed analysis of risk and … math stuff. Wait, what? Hey, you know what has two thumbs and gives zero craps about revenue recognition? This girl.
I should let this slide. Really, I should. I mean, Jake and I are on the same team and besides, he is giving me all this credit on this whole revenue recognition thing. I feel smarter already. Except, I can’t help it. I’m a little hurt. Why? Because he’s Finance. And he should be rising above the paltry parlor tricks resorted to by the sales force and their tired refrain of “it’s caught up in Legal.”
Our working relationship, which by all accounts when described by Jake to our superiors, is a glowing partnership fortified in our shared vision for the groups we support. Excellent. Which is why I decide not to eviscerate Jake with a company-branded ballpoint pen when we’re both called to defend a seven-figure oopsie.
I can wax policy and process for days. I carefully outline what the process was and the policy behind it that protects us and an analysis how each business partner followed the process and to what extent. What I can’t explain is how, if everyone followed the process (and believe me, just like horseshoes, closeness counts), we are seven figures off. I’m not a number ninja or anything, but that seems like a lot. So when Leadership turns to Jake and demands to know why we are seven figures off, I hold my breath and hope that Jake will handle this like a good partner.
Jake: “There’s something in the contract that functions as a loophole, so we don’t get the consumption reports when we’re supposed to and I can’t properly reconcile the numbers.”
Of course it’s crap. In fact, there’s no mention of consumption reports in the contract, it’s the first I’ve heard of them in this context. But, it’s not worth cutting Jay off at the knees. So I hem and haw and eventually, I gently slip in that those reports aren’t contemplated in the contract without completely exposing Jake for the short-sighted piss ant he is.
Why? Because unlike Jake, I realize there is value to be had in a cordial relationship with another critical service function. Because presenting a unified front to the business is always a solid strategy. Because throwing Jake to the wolves is like leaving in the eighth inning because your team is down by 10 runs.
Or maybe, just maybe, there will come a day when Jake will grow a backbone, break in his ball cap, and stand with his teammates to the last pitch.
Or maybe, Jake is a Yankees fan.
Kay Thrace (not her real name) is a harried in-house counsel at a well-known company that everyone loves to hate. When not scuffing dirt on the sacrosanct line between business and the law, Kay enjoys pub trivia domination and eradicating incorrect usage of the Oxford comma. You can contact her by email at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @KayThrace.