Like many non-Republicans, I’ve been reading a lot of victim’s stories since Christine Blasey Ford came forward. There’s a consistent thread that shakes me to my core: the victims blame themselves, and when they come forward, the supporters of their attackers blame the victims again.
I’m processing the Brett Kavanaugh news in the same way. There’s been a lot of press about how the Kavanaugh hearings are retraumatizing victims of sexual abuse. The Republican process has been a non-consensual power grab, replete with angry men who refuse to stop, and white women who refuse to help. The Kavanaugh confirmation process isn’t an analogy for rape, it’s a freaking doppelganger.
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Like victims of the real thing, my first and almost overwhelming instinct is to blame myself. Or “ourselves,” the collective of people who actually care about the institutional integrity of the Supreme Court and a society where all are treated as equals. Why do we suck so much? Why are we so weak? How could we let this happen?
Part of me, the self-flagellating part of me, feels it’s too easy to blame the Republicans. Sure Mitch McConnell is all about assaulting the Supreme Court. But we already knew that. He did it with Merrick Garland, he’s doing it with Brett Kavanaugh. He’s the guy in the unmarked van asking you to put lotion in a basket. McConnell would probably hide Sonia Sotomayor’s diabetes medication if he could get his hands on it.
My hatred for McConnell and people I didn’t vote for is tempered only by my disgust with Chuck Schumer and the people I did vote for. Why the hell didn’t Schumer take photos of the FBI report with his cell phone? What entirely arcane rules of decorum to the Democrats still think the other side is willing to play by? I swear to God if I have to see Dianne Feinstein “respecting” Chuck Grassley one more time, I’m going to vomit.
“Republicans are strong, Democrats are weak, that’s why Democrats get sodomized when it comes to the Supreme Court. We deserve it.” — says my victim-blaming brain.
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Reading the stories of actual survivors tells me that my logic is wrong. It’s not our fault. It’s not our fault that Republicans joined in unprecedented obstruction to avoid a hearing on Merrick Garland. It’s not our fault that a sexual predator nominated a guy accused of attempted rape and rallied the Republican party to not care about that. It’s not our fault that all of Brett Kavanaugh’s elite friends, including the director of the FBI, have engaged in shocking protectionism of their boy.
The fault lies squarely and wholly with the perpetrators. It’s the 59 percent of white men and the 45 percent of white women and the Kanye West percent of non-whites who have done this. They will keep doing this, as long as they have the power to do so.
And they will laugh at us while they do this because the pain and suffering of others is what they find funny. Look at Trump in Mississippi. Cruelty is FUN for these people. It’s part of the damn show. It’s why they’re there.
I’ve learned from survivors that simply acknowledging who hurt you and why, can help. Putting a name on it, can help. Sharing stories is one way to tell others that they are not alone.
Republicans have done this. They have violated our institutions, as means towards stripping rights from women and non-white men. It’s okay to be angry about that. It’s okay to cry about that. It’s okay to block assholes on Twitter and disengage from previous friendships and demand vengeance upon those who have shown themselves to be your enemy. Those are normal reactions to what we are all witnessing.
It’s okay to FEEL. Having empathy with suffering is what separates us from the Republicans. Does it make us vulnerable in dark times like the ones we live in? Sure. But the alternative would make us no better than them. We can’t just switch off and watch the Kardashians and pretend that everything will be okay so long as hubby makes foreman. Being able to be hurt, grievously, is how we know Dr. Ford is the real victim and Brett Kavanaugh is a real d-bag.
For some of us, the pain of what Trump and the Republicans are doing will never fully go away. That’s okay too. They’re killing something inside of us, it’s supposed to hurt.
All we can do is to stay alive long enough to make them regret it.
Elie Mystal is the Executive Editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at [email protected]. He will resist.