In-House Counsel

Wokest Job Opening In History For The Right General Counsel

I should apply for this. I saw it first.

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(Photo via Getty)

There’s one version of a “black-owned business” that’s just “a business” that happens to be owned by a black person. They kind of do all the normal things businesses do, only the money ends up in the pocket of a black person. Hopefully that black person reinvests the money into socially useful things, like other black people.

Hexagon Lavish, an R&D startup, appears to be the other kind of black-owned business. The kind that radically rethinks the business model and reorients it around the needs of the community and culture. Hexagaon Lavish is, apparently, not here to be a white business run by black people. And I can tell that based on their job opening for a general counsel (all emphasis in the original):

Challengeable Senior General Counsel
The Hexagon Lavish – Atlanta, GA

**One specific and mandatory qualification for the Senior General Counsel position is that the candidates (plural) must be in favor of reparations specifically for Black ADOS and Foundational Black Americans.**

Hexagon Lavish® has an open position for an experienced and challengeable individual as our Senior General Counsel who considers “real world scientific experience” as a positive in order to aid in pushing our startup forward. Understand, we are not looking for the typical, “mainstream” or set-standard lawyer; rather someone who’s willing to be a stand-in for the startup as a “legal warrior”. The Senior General Counsel will report directly to the CEO and Board of Directors.

The ideal candidate will be held responsible for all legal affairs and not be at a disadvantage from lacking “category A” credentials. The ideal candidate will also serve as a key member of senior leadership team and inform other members of senior leadership on matters concerning strategic importance to the business, establishing key strategic alliances and risk-opportunity analysis for business transactions.

The Senior General Counsel position requires compliance with SEC rulings and regulations including proxy statements as well as provide legal guidance on publicity disclosures, press releases and other marketing materials associated with the startup. The Senior General Counsel will need to have a “technological hunger” that can only be gratified by Hexagon Lavish®.

Damn, son. Say it louder for the people in the back. Your company doesn’t have a thing to do with reparations, but you don’t even want a lawyer who isn’t down with the plan.

Hexagon Lavish’s website is fantastic. I have almost no idea what Hexagon does… but I know what it’s not gonna do:

Hexagon Lavish® is an anti-artificial intelligence scientific R&D startup in Atlanta, Georgia that utilizes its strength and expertise in scientific research to develop products to be “designated for practical use”.

Hexagon Lavish® steers the vehicle of scientific R&D in the direction that allows us to provide the world over with products that directly help them.

We are not concerned with sending people to Mars, developing hoverboards or “flying cars” nor finding the next red dwarf star.

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Does Hexagon Lavish have an Instagram account? You know it does:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BuPoom6nmAP/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

Hexagon Lavish is the answer to the question: What if Elon Musk were black? Who wants to be their lawyer?

Elie Mystal is the Executive Editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at elie@abovethelaw.com. He will resist.

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