Health / Wellness

Parenting During COVID-19: Has Anyone Figured This One Out Yet?

It is tough! But my consolation is that I’m not alone.

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“You are THE WORST mother EVER!” my frustrated 10-year-old (turned COVID-19 officemate!) told me when I limited her screen time.

”I am not the worst parent ever, right? I only compete in categories that include women and men.” I replied.

All jokes aside, as with millions of other working parents around the world, I am challenged by this work-from-home-while-parenting situation during the school year and summer break. More is being asked of me than I ever thought would and certainly more than I would ever ask for.

It is tough! But my consolation is that I’m not alone. Somehow, millions of people around the world are pulling it off, for now, and figuring out their own ways to make it work.

So, I asked my network for advice.

(It turns out, crowdsourcing good ideas is how I cope with COVID-related stress and isolation.)

Valuable Family Time: Have A Plan And Discuss It With Your Kids

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“Where do I start?! Hmmm. I have a special-needs kid. It hasn’t been easy to WFH and accommodate all his different needs solo without help from his nursery (which all got shutdown post-COVID). But the good part is that I was able to still spend quality time with him more than I used to and focusing on providing him better support. I am not stronger than anyone else, I just learned by practice to take one day at a time.” Yosr Hussein Hamza, director, legal and ombudsman affairs, Middle East at Gartner, explained.

Deb Feder, a business development coach and consultant said, “We actually just had this discussion with our kids. The surprising good things from COVID: 1. Family dinner (we used to have evening activities 5 days a week that had us all running) 2. Not having to go to the ‘obligatory meetings’ that were not important 3. Getting to learn how to be bored (and fix it without just zoning out to more shows) 4. Getting to have lunch with my kids.”

Focus On The Transferable Skills You Are Developing And Learning Opportunities For Yourself

Lisa Goldkuhl, a dedicated mother and in-house supervising attorney, said, “My kid has told me he hated me and I’ve told him that I hated him during the COVID shut-in. Daily lessons on patience and working with another person who has a different style and priorities. This is why involved parents can make such great bosses!”

She explained, “We’ve been through the wringer and get training every single day on how to be a better manager. I finally screamed at my kid 2 weeks into WFH – ‘Why do I care more about your schoolwork than you do? This is YOUR stuff. Not mine. If you don’t want to do it, then you can just repeat the 4th grade next year.’ And then I made him responsible for all his schooling stuff except printing up the materials. So, I learned a valuable tool about delegating! I’ve already told him next year he’d better figure out how to get all his stuff done by himself. Because mommy is OUT!”

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Similarly, Annie Little, founder of JD Nation, pointed out, “My kids challenge me in ALL the ways, but lately I’ve been listening in on their creative play sessions where they role-play as the mom and dad. Oh my, their ability to recreate my words, phrases, mannerisms and tone? Very humbling!”

Forgiving Yourself and Structure and Reminders Go a Long Way

Monica (Hyson) Winghart, principal at Voltage Law Group, said, “We have 5 at home — ages 15-10. So, there is a lot of creative “mouth.” I tell mine that if they have the energy to argue, they have the energy to run laps, do pushups, additional chores…. And I gently remind them with my “office sign” that I am the supreme leader of the passwords for internet and all devices…. muahahahahahahaha!”

“My boys use more…colorful language to express their frustration with our authoritarian regime at home. Hang in there. We’re all doing what we can to keep it together through this craziness.” Akshay Verma, head of legal operations at Facebook, reminded me.

Curb Your Inner Control-Enthusiasm

Jamie Szal, Maine state and local tax attorney at Brann & Isaacson, said, “My challenge was to resist the urge to gatekeep or micromanage my husband’s parenting style the early weeks home. He is the stay-at-home dad in our relationship, and always has been.” She continued, “It took me several weeks to learn to stay out of it and not to interfere with their routine. I am blessed to have an office, with a door, and the ability to focus on work during the workday. It was a huge challenge to recognize the boundaries I needed to put on myself.”

Maybe We Should Collectively Forgive Ourselves For The Out-of-Control Screen Time

Shari E. Belitz, CEO at Shari Belitz Communications, observed, “It is a REALLY hard time. I thought home school presented challenges, but now there are other challenges with all of this unstructured time. I’m relying on screens too much.” She continued, “When I do have blocks of time, I try to make them count. I hate crafts, but I found myself tie-dying about 10 T-shirts this weekend! Purple hands look great for Zoom meetings. The lesson to me — stop talking with your hands so much.”

If You Don’t Have Kids … Pets And Other Adventures Await

Olivia Vizachero, the owner of the Less Stressed Lawyer, said, “I don’t have kiddos but I do have two cats. And they like to meow loudly and scratch at my office door when I am on Zoom calls. They also like to wake me up in the middle of the night and run around my room in hopes that I’ll get annoyed and feed them to get them to stop. It works about half the time. Bribery and rewarding bad behavior is parenting, right?”

A common thread among responses was patience and forgiveness — to yourself and your family. This is a trying time that none of us have been through before and none of us asked to go through. We are all figuring it out as we go, including our kids, who have had their childhoods temporarily upended. Now is not the time for achieving or helicopter parenting; it’s the time to keep your children fed, as happy as they’ll let themselves be, and perhaps gratitude for our health, safety, and time spent together.

What’s most important to remember is that all of this — working your day job while teaching and feeding your kids at the same time — is temporary. The pandemic will end, and, well, if it doesn’t, your children will go grow up into self-sufficient adults soon enough!

Olga V. Mack is the CEO of Parley Pro, a next-generation contract management company that has pioneered online negotiation technology. Olga embraces legal innovation and had dedicated her career to improving and shaping the future of law. She is convinced that the legal profession will emerge even stronger, more resilient, and more inclusive than before by embracing technology. Olga is also an award-winning general counsel, operations professional, startup advisor, public speaker, adjunct professor, and entrepreneur. She founded the Women Serve on Boards movement that advocates for women to participate on corporate boards of Fortune 500 companies. She authored Get on Board: Earning Your Ticket to a Corporate Board Seat and Fundamentals of Smart Contract Security. You can follow Olga on Twitter @olgavmack.

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