It’s been a while since my last “What were they thinking?” and I have an embarrassment of riches from which to choose.
Let’s start with an alleged partner defalcation that has left his colleagues without paychecks as well as with angry clients. Colleagues have not heard from Mitchell Kossoff since April 1, and they’re wondering if he’s flown the coop. In a curious statement, Kossoff’s attorney is representing him only if any “criminal consequences” occur from his client’s conduct. Is that like a “special appearance?” Is Kosseff on his own as to the involuntary bankruptcy that has been filed and seeking recovery of funds?
Why steal monies from clients and colleagues? Because they can? Some lawyers think the risk of losing the bar license is worth the lavish lifestyle.
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This is not a good look for a sitting judge: Judge Kelvin Jones claimed in a deposition last year that he buried $100,000 in his back yard to avoid the cash being found by creditors. He is also alleged admitting that he accessed his wife’s emails and alleged to have impersonated a man whom he thought was having an affair with his wife. Got all that? And if that’s not enough, an attorney who has filed complaints against Jones, among others, claimed that the disciplinary counsel was biased, based on some tweets. Even though that disciplinary counsel denied any bias, nonetheless he was fired, and is claiming that he was wrongfully terminated. I think I need a flow chart for this one or my head will explode. A great bar exam crossover question.
Remember when we were kids? I know, it’s a bigger stretch for some of us than others. In dinosaur days and even before, when we misbehaved in school, a teacher would make us write out on a blackboard (remember those?) how we would mend the error of our ways. An attorney who was out of line in his defense of his client in a criminal trial received an unusual punishment from the trial court. In addition to being found in contempt and the payment of a fine, the attorney had to write the following two sentences 25 times: “I will not engage in conduct that is prejudicial to the administration of justice or in any other conduct that adversely reflects on my fitness to practice law. I shall not engage in conduct intended to disrupt a tribunal or engage in undignified or discourteous conduct that is degrading to a tribunal.”
Childlike punishments for attorneys who act like children is a great idea.
There is a lot of wishful thinking about doing something else that is less drudgery, less soul-sucking boring repetitive work. Here comes Anna Dorn, whose memoir of her short-lived legal career may be worth a read, if only as a cautionary tale. Starry-eyed 1Ls (at least at the outset), bleary-eyed 3Ls and bar exam hopefuls may want to read this. If being racist, sexist, and lazy are not enough to deter people, then what about Dorn’s claim that curly hair is a no-no for interviews? (No wonder I had trouble finding a job right out of law school.) The title of her book, Bad Lawyer: A Memoir of Law and Disorder, tells you what it’s about. We all have either come across bad lawyers or will as legal careers take off. And I am sure that more than a few of us have been bad lawyers at one time or another. I wonder if she will ever practice law again.
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In Biglaw, how many hours should you bill in a year? How about one lawyer, who between March 2015 and November 2015, billed 3,173 hours and an additional 750 hours in nonbillables. She added more than 450 hours to her clients’ draft bills.
Doreen Zankowski was not chained to her desk, as she took several trips during that year, including Europe, Hawaii, and several mainland destinations. Were they really all for work? Apparently not, as the firm that she was working at during this time determined that she had overbilled her clients by $216,000, monies the firm refunded. Originally suspended for six months, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial District Court thought that six months was not sufficient, and added another 18 to her suspension, calling her conduct “manifest dishonesty.”
Most judicial opinions are dry as dirt, but not as dry as law review articles. One law professor thinks that legal opinions are not as dry as they should be, and that the ability to turn a phrase in an opinion is not a good thing.
Often the only fun in reading an opinion is for an engaging style that makes the reader want to read it, rather than feeling deadened by the experience, and that includes footnotes.
All we need is every judge to write every judicial opinion in lockstep. What a depressing idea. The goal is to get the reader’s attention, not put her to sleep. If it’s boring, the reader may stop reading, and what does that accomplish? And don’t get me started on the length of opinions. I have an ATL word limit. Briefs have word limits. Why not opinions? Just asking.
And finally, a chief deputy district attorney in Clark County, Nevada, is pissing and moaning about changes at Disney World that he doesn’t like. Shall we put him in a time machine back to the 1950s? Who wants to be first in line? Hopefully, this line won’t be as long as the one for Space Mountain.
Jill Switzer has been an active member of the State Bar of California for over 40 years. She remembers practicing law in a kinder, gentler time. She’s had a diverse legal career, including stints as a deputy district attorney, a solo practice, and several senior in-house gigs. She now mediates full-time, which gives her the opportunity to see dinosaurs, millennials, and those in-between interact — it’s not always civil. You can reach her by email at [email protected].