“What’s the catch?”
Judge me if you must, but that was a running thought I had in my mind as I started working in-house because everyone was so genuinely welcoming and nice.
And I know the difference.
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It wasn’t the obligatory nice that we all had to show when a new associate joined Biglaw — when someone would “make rounds” with the new lawyer to everyone’s office, and all of us who were frantically billing, stopped our timer, did our best not to sigh (depending on our stress level) as we plastered the biggest smile we could to turn around (not even get up from our chair) while we made small talk, willing that smile not to wane too quickly. We resisted looking at our watch and tried to stay present instead of thinking about how we would make this time up. And despite the words coming out of our mouth, “if you need anything, please reach out,” most of us didn’t really mean it.
In contrast, when I met people at my company (even executives), they effortlessly got out from their seat, walked toward me, with smiles that reached their eyes. They asked questions and seemed to really want to know who I was, what business I would be supporting and offered to do coffee or lunch or to connect me to others they knew to help me get plugged in.
And shamefully, during the first few months, I kept thinking to my jaded self that this couldn’t possibly be real.
But now, five years later, it still is.
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Because when you’re in house, relationships are everything.
And while small talk is a start, building genuine relationships is the key to success.
For those who are not in-house and may not understand why it matters so much, here’s the difference. At a law firm, you could be a jerk or socially awkward, but if you are a subject matter expert, bill a lot of hours, or are a rainmaker (basically, if you are profitable), you can still have a job at most firms.
But at most companies (with healthy cultures), if you are a jerk or an intellectual snob that talks down to nonlawyers, your clients will simply not come to you and will seek advice from someone else (or not at all). While that may mean less work for you, it will negatively affect your value to the company. If business clients have to come to you because their manager said so — the proverbial “Did legal approve this?” — you still have the issue of them coming to you later in the project (thus making you the villain if you slow or impede progress) or may unintentionally or intentionally withhold key information from you, which may undermine the value you can bring.
So what this means is that while chatting about your weekend over coffee or checking in with everyone before starting a meeting was seen as inefficient or was practically nonexistent in Biglaw, it is fundamental to building relationships at a company. Practically speaking, to be effective at a company, not only do you need to be respected as a legal subject matter expert, but you generally need to be well-liked or liked enough.
And to do that — you need to invest the time into getting to know who you work with, as people, outside from just the work. And perhaps even scarier, you have to start letting people know who you are (not just what you do), too.
Meyling “Mey” Ly Ortiz is in-house at Toyota Motor North America. Her passions include mentoring, championing belonging, and a personal blog: TheMeybe.com. At home, you can find her doing her best to be a “fun” mom to a toddler and preschooler and chasing her best self on her Peloton. You can follow her on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/meybe/). And you knew this was coming: her opinions are hers alone.