Courts

One Fish Two Fish, Pollinate A Tree

'From the makers of Chicken of the Sea, try Salmon of the Air!'

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honeybee gavelThe weird thing about experts is that they can do simple things, awesomely. The foil — and symptom — of such expertise is that they can also, with good reason, have a hard time with things laypeople consider  obvious. During the KBJ confirmation, an easy talking point about how far the libz have strayed from common sense was her hesitancy and refusal to define what a woman is. It’s easy to think that this was some rara avis of legal reasoning, but stranger things have happened. Like when a California appellate court recently decided that bees count as fish.

“The issue presented here is whether the bumblebee, a terrestrial invertebrate, falls within the definition of fish, as that term is used in the definitions of endangered species in section 2062, threatened species in section 2067, and candidate species (i.e., species being considered for listing as endangered or threatened species) in section 2068 of the Act,” wrote California’s Third District Court of Appeal in its ruling.

…

But in a lucky loophole for insects, mollusks, and other spineless creatures falling under the umbrella term “invertebrate,” the act itself defines a “fish” as “a wild fish, mollusk, crustacean, invertebrate, amphibian, or part, spawn, or ovum of any of those animals.”

…

“Although the term fish is colloquially and commonly understood to refer to aquatic species, the term of art employed by the Legislature in the definition of fish in section 45 is not so limited,” said the court in its ruling.

My hope is that the evangelicals don’t get wind of this. I can already see the protests out front of Honey Nut Cheerios plants. “Jesus fed 4,000 with 7 loaves of bread and several small FISH, not pots of honey!” they’ll cry. Fox News will flood the airways with tales of the bear agenda and how lawmakers are trying to normalize bees to children. Republican judges will reprimand the court for abusing common sense language to make policy at the bench instead of focusing on how Clarence Thomas’s wife undermined our democracy

Or maybe they’ll be too busy playing Above The Law’s Jan 6th Hearing Drinking Game! Woop woop.

Stay thirsty my friends. Drink your water too.

California Bees Can Legally Be Fish And Have The Same Protections, A Court Has Ruled [CNN]

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Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord™ in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s.  He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at [email protected] and by tweet at @WritesForRent.

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