Government

Trump Lawyers' Luck Finally Runs Out

FAFO ... eventually.

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(Photo by PAUL J. RICHARDS/AFP/Getty Images)

“How are all the lawyers in America feeling today?” unemployed shitposter Scott Adams smirked on Twitter. “Safe?”

Well, Scott, since you ask… safer.

Presumably this is a reference to the fact that eight of the defendants in the Georgia indictment are lawyers. And unlike Special Counsel Jack Smith, who left Rudy Giuliani, John Eastman, Sidney Powell, Jeff Clark, and Ken Cheseboro as unindicted co-conspirators, Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis threw the book at them. Because without these attorneys, none of this would have happened.

Sure, Trump’s fake lawyer Tom Fitton could have helped him claim victory and ignore the vote count. But we wouldn’t have been here without Sidney Powell spamming federal and state dockets with garbage lawsuits, complete with worthless affidavits from poll watchers who felt intimidated by municipal employees in BLM shirts, or dog walkers who saw someone hand a bag of envelopes which could have been fraudulent ballots to the mailman. When that failed to yield results, she paid contractors to break into Coffee County’s voting machines to find the dastardly vote-flipping algorithm — our Sid’s a full-service law firm!

And where would we be without Cheseboro and Eastman pumping out memos explaining that stealing elections is very cool and very legal?

We need to swear in the fake electors just in case the courts and/or legislators flip a swing state. Oh, we lost the lawsuits?

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Well, file more, just as a pretext for swearing the electors in anyway. Oh, we passed the safe harbor deadline?

See if we can convince Mike Pence to accept the fake electors — by the time Biden dukes it out in the court, we’ll have squatted in the White House past January 20. Oh, Pence won’t reject the electors unilaterally?

See if we can get him to punt and call a “pause” so the state legislatures can be mobilized to steal the vote? Oh, he won’t play along with that either?

Well, there’s always the mob.

Cheseboro appears to have actually dummied up the fraudulent electoral certificates himself, after having produced a memo for the campaign explaining exactly why it was totally illegal in several states. And like John Eastman, he did his coup plotting via email.

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On or about the 10th day of December 2020, KENNETH JOHN CHESEBRO sent an e-mail with attached documents to DAVID JAMES SHAFER and unindicted co-conspirators Individual 9, Individual 10, and Individual 11, whose identities are known to the Grand Jury. The documents were to be used by Trump presidential elector nominees in Georgia for the purpose of casting electoral votes for DONALD JOHN TRUW on December 14, 2020, despite the fact that DONALD JOHN TRUMP lost the November 3, 2020, presidential election in Georgia. This was an overt act in furtherance of the conspiracy.

Jeff Clark tried valiantly to get himself appointed acting attorney general so he could announce bogus investigations of non-existent vote fraud and advise state legislatures to reconvene and steal Biden’s electoral votes. He was only thwarted by the united efforts of every other high-ranking lawyer in the Trump administration. But don’t worry, according to Rolling Stone, Clark’s on the short list for Trump’s AG when he comes roaring back in 2025.

And of course, we all owe a debt to Rudy Giuliani, who steered Trump into two impeachments and now two criminal indictments. Rudy lurched from podium to parking lot, courthouse to statehouse, leaving a trail of hair dye and slanderous lies in his wake. (Also the hapless Jenna Ellis.) He painted a target on the backs of two Atlanta poll workers who were just doing their jobs and proudly urged “trial by combat’ at the pre-riot rally on the Ellipse.

Here his is yesterday, showing his trademark good judgment and discretion.

Not a single thing in that indictment yesterday was new — it was all a matter of public record months ago. And yet, not a single one of these lawyers has been permanently disbarred in the three-plus years since they nearly brought down the government.

How do we feel as lawyers? Try embarrassed that these goons are still plying their trade because they used their positions to try to overthrow the government instead of stealing from clients, and there’s no professional sanction for that. 

Maybe a felony conviction or two will finally do the trick? Fingers crossed!

Elizabeth Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics and appears on the Opening Arguments podcast.

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