By now we know all about “girl math” — load up that Starbucks card today for a “free” drink tomorrow! Return something you previously purchased and profit! Lay down your card for a friend who then Venmos you? You’ve made money.
Is it a cutesy way to justify overspending in a capitalist hellscape? Maybe! But it’s nice to feel seen by the countless videos. But like any good social media trend, it has spin-offs!
“Boy math” has gotten a lot of play.
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Boy math is never raising the minimum wage but still expecting Americans to keep up with the cost of living.
— Rep. Ilhan Omar (@Ilhan) September 27, 2023
Boy math is paying $44 billion for a $25 billion company and, through business smarts and entrepreneurial know how, turning it into an $8.8 billion company
— Casey Johnston (@caseyjohnston) September 27, 2023
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Boy math is being afraid of gold diggers when you only have 3 pairs of socks to your name.
— inqilāb (@tastefullysaucy) September 26, 2023
But the one that really gets to me is “lawyer math.”
Lawyer math is being in the office for 12 hours and somehow only having 8.6 billable hours at the end of the day
— something something, esq. (@_adrxante) September 27, 2023
Oof. I don’t even bill my time anymore and I felt that one in my soul. Time wasted in the office that does not count toward your billable target is just pure sadness.
But there are other depressing examples of “lawyer math” floating out there.
Lawyer math is actually: "the average life expectancy is 73, if I can work until I'm 65, pay off my student loan at 55, then fix the health issues from sitting and staring at a screen for 10-16 hours a day since I was 26, then I COULD enjoy 8 years of retirement before I die!"
— ♀️⚖️ (@CanPanicNow) September 28, 2023
https://twitter.com/imillhiser/status/1707490694728696030?s=20
*DISCLAIMER: LAWYER MATH IS UNRELIABLE. THIS IS WHY WE WENT TO LAW SCHOOL, NOT MATH SCHOOL. PLEASE CONSULT A MATHEMATICIAN FOR ALL MATH ADVICE.
— Michelle Strowhiro (@strowhiro) September 26, 2023
I thought lawyer math was calculating how long I have to put up with this before I'm allowed to die without leaving my family destitute
— TexaneseLawGuy (@MechaDubyaEsq) September 28, 2023
Lawyer math is having 28 days to respond to discovery and asking for an extension after 35 days
— Lyric, Esq. (@1991LyriC) September 29, 2023
Maybe this is why lawyers insist they’re so bad at math — the reality is just too damn depressing.
Kathryn Rubino is a Senior Editor at Above the Law, host of The Jabot podcast, and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. AtL tipsters are the best, so please connect with her. Feel free to email her with any tips, questions, or comments and follow her on Twitter @Kathryn1 or Mastodon @[email protected].