Government

Alan Dershowitz Suing Pierogi Stand For Aggravated ‘No One Likes Me On Martha’s Vineyard’

The annual Dershowitz pity party is the only party he's ever invited to these days.

By Joe Patrice on July 31, 2025 4:41 pm

The summer would not be complete without Alan Dershowitz’s annual whining that no one on Martha’s Vineyard likes him ever since he went all in on Donald Trump can have a little unaccountable authoritarianism as a treat. It’s been seven years since we first chronicled Dershowitz publicly complaining that the Martha’s Vineyard community stopped inviting him to parties. Now he’s going to sue a pierogi stand for refusing to sell to him over his politics.

Dershowitz says the vendor told him “I won’t sell them to you because I don’t approve of your politics… I don’t approve of who you’ve represented. I don’t approve of who you support.” Dershowitz is convinced this is all about Trump, but hey, maybe the guy just didn’t want to sell to the guy who says Jeffrey Epstein deserved an even better plea deal.

“I will be petitioning the farmers market to grant booths only to venders who are willing to sell all customers regardless of religion, race, or political views,” Dershowitz explained to Newsweek. Why does Dershowitz get pierogies when gay couples can’t buy cakes?

“Political views” are not a protected class, of course, for the same reason Martin Luther King didn’t say “not be judged by the color of their skin OR by the content of their character.” Vendors — not unlike lawyers — are free to deny service to customers over their politics. “No shirt, no shoes, no fascist apologists” is an entirely reasonable policy. If the marketplace of ideas decides you’re a pariah, you don’t get to sue the literal marketplace in return.

But, in the grand tradition of Alan Dershowitz feeling very sorry for Alan Dershowitz, he’s threatening to sue a food stand for hurting his feelings because potato dumpling delayed is justice denied.

“I hope this can be resolved without litigation,” he told Newsweek. “I just want to shop freely at farmers market without politics interfering. But I can’t let discrimination persist in my own vacation town.” Dude, have you considered DoorDash?

He’s also mad that the police showed up during the altercation and sided with the vendor.

He had a fight. Over a pierogi. So intense that the police showed up.

This is not the first time he’s threatened to sue someone for not liking him. When the Martha’s Vineyard library didn’t invite him to speak, he blasted it as McCarthyism. For its part, the library said it had nothing to do with his politics, but the fact that his past events brought in too many people for the venue to accommodate. Maybe they should try it again because it sounds like his Martha’s Vineyard audience might have dwindled a tad.

Dershowitz seems to want the reputation of a principled actor willing to stand up for his beliefs no matter the cost without having to deal with the whole “no matter the cost” part. Becoming an unofficial Trump surrogate means sometimes Larry David yells at you. That’s just how it goes.

Here’s a thought: has Dershowitz considered just vacationing elsewhere? Maybe Martha’s Vineyard just isn’t for him these days. Find a new island getaway for the summer.

Maybe he should try to meet a guy with his own island…

Earlier: Alan Dershowitz Is The Saddest Man In Martha’s Vineyard
Alan Dershowitz Will Defend Free Speech By Suing The Library
Summer Officially Begins As Alan Dershowitz Publicly Complains About No One Liking Him On Martha’s Vineyard
Alan Dershowitz Would Like To Remind You That No One On Martha’s Vineyard Likes Alan Dershowitz
Alan Dershowitz Blasted By Larry David At Martha’s Vineyard Grocery Store