Small Law Firms

Reading The Room: Improving Your Communication Skills

Effective communication requires active listening. Here are some tips.

We lawyers love to talk. But listening? Not so much. Yet active listening and paying close attention go a long way to understanding others and improving your communication with them.

Here are tips to improve your next conversation:

  • Adopt a learner’s mindset. Treat every conversation as an opportunity to learn, not to speak.
  • Assume positive intent. Approach every conversation as if the other person has something valuable to share.
  • Be patient. Don’t rush the other person. Allow them to express themselves fully.
  • Be curious, not judgmental. Ask yourself why they think or feel the way they do.
  • Set aside your agenda. Prioritize understanding them instead of pushing your narrative.
  • Stay present. Eliminate distractions. Put your phone away.
  • Be willing to be wrong. Accept that they may know something you don’t.
  • Show humility. Avoid dominating the conversation and allow them to feel valued.
  • Focus on their needs, not your response. Listening is about them and what they’re saying, not about formulating your response.
  • Use open-ended questions. This encourages more fulsome responses.
  • Mirror language subtly. Repeat key phrases or words they use to show understanding.
  • Paraphrase their statements. Summarize their statements to ensure you understand them.
  • Ask clarifying questions. Probe gently when you are unsure what they are saying.
  • Avoid interrupting. Let them finish before you speak, even if you think you know the point they are making.
  • Use minimal encouragers. Use words to show you’re tracking with them.
  • Don’t rush the conversation. Let the conversation flow naturally.
  • Respect topic shifts. Notice when and why they change topics.
  • Track their word choice. Pay attention to their diction – it reveals their mood and comfort level.
  • Validate their perspective. Even if you disagree, acknowledge that their view has value to them.
  • Don’t hijack their story. Avoid turning their experience into a story from your life.
  • Speak less, listen more. They should speak 70-80% of the time.
  • Maintain good eye contact. Shows you’re paying attention.
  • Keep an open posture. Avoid crossing arms or turning away.
  • Lean slightly forward. This shows interest.
  • Mirror their body language. Subtly reflect their posture and gestures.
  • Observe facial expressions. Are they making eye contact? Their eyes, eyebrows, and mouth reveal a lot.
  • Watch for micro expressions. Quick flashes of emotion can reveal underlying feelings.
  • Look for physical distance. Do they lean in or pull away? Shows comfort or discomfort.
  • Notice hand gestures. They can signal confidence, nervousness, or other emotions.
  • Note changes in posture. Sudden shifts may indicate a reaction to a given topic.
  • Recognize fidgeting. May indicate anxiety.
  • Watch breathing patterns. Fast or shallow breathing may indicate stress.
  • Pay attention to feet. People often point their feet in the direction they want to go.  If their feet are pointing away from you, they may be looking to end the conversation.
  • See where they look. Breaking eye contact repeatedly may indicate interest in someone or something else.
  • Note speech pace. Fast can mean nervousness and excitement.  Slow could mean deliberate or uncertain.
  • Listen to pitch changes. A rising pitch may signal stress.
  • Identify filler words. Filler words may indicate uncertainty or that they’re trying to choose their words carefully.
  • Pay attention to breathing. Labored or shallow breathing may indicate stress.
  • Spot unnatural pauses. They may be hiding something.
  • Notice sighs or deep breaths before responding. Suggesting something is not being said.
  • Notice what they avoid. Avoided subjects may carry emotional weight.
  • See what energizes them. They light up or speed up when discussing something they are passionate about.
  • Identify repeated topics. Frequently speaking about a topic shows genuine interest in it.
  • Watch for contradictions. May signal unresolved feelings or an incomplete truth.
  • Focus on emotional words. Words reflecting one’s emotional state reveal something more profound.
  • Track how long they spend on each topic. More time equals more importance.
  • Check for time orientation. Are they focused on the past, present, or future?
  • See if they talk about solutions or problems. Reveals whether they are problem solvers or worry about problems.
  • Blinking rapidly. It may be a sign of stress.
  • Smile with eyes. Shows a genuine smile and happiness.
  • Jaw clenching. Suggestions of tension or anger.
  • Chewing lips. Reflects anxiety, hesitation of deep thought.
  • Frequent head shaking “no” while speaking “yes.” May reveal inner conflict or disagreement with what they are saying.
  • Crossed arms tightly. May show disagreement or defensiveness.
  • Covering the mouth when speaking. May show fear of saying too much or insecurity.

Effective communication requires active listening, a close eye for detail, and taking in everything the other person is giving you (their body language, their voice, their breathing, their cadence, their diction, their choice of topics, their approach to those topics) to show them you’re there in that moment with them. 


Frank Ramos is a partner at Goldberg Segalla in Miami, where he practices commercial litigation, products, and catastrophic personal injury. You can follow him on LinkedIn.