Government

The Top 5 Gonzo Arguments Against DC Statehood … So Far Today

Who doesn't love taxation without representation, right?

By Liz Dye on March 22, 2021 5:47 pm

It’s been a wild day at the House Oversight Committee where DC statehood is being debated as we type. There is a rational argument that this might require a constitutional amendment, not a simple act of Congress. But the focus today was on the batshit arguments. Because when GA-10, AZ-4, and KY-1 send their people, they are really not sending their best.

Here are the Top Five WTF moments from the first five hours of the hearing.

1. DC Has No Car Dealership, Which the Constitution Cannot Abide

Rep. Jody Hice (GA-10): It would be the only state, without an airport, and without a car dealership, and without a capitol city, and without a landfill.

In addition to being nuts, this one is objectively false.

2. What If California Wants To Divide Into States, Won’t You Be Sorry Then?

Rep. James Comer (KY-1): If that were to happen, I wonder do you think this would lead other states to split and try to create their own states? For example, in California, there’s been a movement for many, many years to create the 51st state there. A lot of, in fact a majority of the map of California feels disenfranchised because so much of the population lives in San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego.

DC Mayor Muriel Bowser did not inquire as to how “a majority of the map” could feel any way at all. But this is her face as she pointed out that everyone in California has two senators, while DC residents have zero.

3. Paris Was Around In 1801, And It’s Not A Separate Country. Checkmate, Libs!

Rep. Paul Gosar (AZ-1): Going back to the size of the city. You said it’s about 700,000. Do you think that the size of Paris at the time that we considered this district was taken into consideration for the design of the district? What was the size of Paris in 1801?

Mayor Bowser: I’m not sure of the size of Paris in 1801.

Rep. Gosar: It was about 630,000. So I think they took that well into consideration.

Remember when Rep. Gosar claimed to be a “body language expert” because he’s a dentist?

4. DC Can’t Be a State Because It Has No Mines

Rep. Glenn Grothman (WI-6): I have a good friend, and he talks about what it takes to build a good economy. He says we have to manufacture it, we have to grow it, or we have to mine it. Or I guess we can milk it. He is saying wealth is created by manufacturing, agriculture, and natural minerals. Every state has it, to some degree. I would like to ask anybody out there if they have an idea as far as the number of manufacturing jobs in Washington, DC … Let’s talk a little bit about the agriculture in Washington, DC, and talk about the mining or drilling in Washington, DC, all of which have to be very tiny compared to that of what we get in a normal state.

Whoever heard of a state without coal mines, amirite?

5. What Will It Take To Get You In A New Second Class Citizenship TODAY?

Rep. Andrew Clyde (GA-9): Okay, so what we could do instead is, we could say, alright, what if the residents of DC were exempt from federal taxes? You have representation already when it comes to presidential elections. And you have representation in the congress with Delegate Norton, who, obviously, you know, she doesn’t have a direct vote. But She can certainly introduce bills, because she introduced HR-51. So if the residents of DC were exempted from say, 50 percent of federal taxes, because they have some representation already, would that be acceptable?

No, not even if you throw in the undercoat for free.

Outside the hearing, the discourse was similarly rational.

Cuba???

Okay, then.

Elizabeth Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics.