I recently tried to hire a new staff member for a role at my firm. During my search, I did all the right things to ensure that I had a good fit for the role, that the person was the right for the firm’s values, meticulously checked references, and took all the steps to ensure a smooth transition and assimilation into the practice. When the time came for the employee to begin, she was nowhere to be seen or heard. Long story short, she didn’t end up working at the firm after I learned of a series of unfortunate events. I was incredibly disappointed at the outcome because I was very intentional in planning carefully, preparing expediently, and hiring slowly.
My former instinct was to be upset with myself for somehow failing to cross a t or dot an i in the planning and execution process. I would have rationalized that it is better to do things by myself or not to bring in additional help because something will go wrong. With maturity and several hires under my belt, I know that hiring doesn’t always happen the way you want it to go. This same adage applies to life. Sometimes you do “all the right things” and don’t get the outcome that you desire. Sometimes you make a mind-blowing mistake, miss a filing deadline, misspell a client’s name, or forget an obligation; your failure does not make you a worthless person. (I won’t speak on the lousy lawyer part because we all have examples of bad lawyers!) Even experiencing a series of unfortunate events (Lemony Snickets-style) doesn’t mean that nothing will ever work out for you. Bad outcomes are a part of life; we are never promised easy roads on our entrepreneurship journey. Arguably, entrepreneurship is a roller coaster where you’re up one day and down the next. Those hills and valleys come in the way of staffing, clients, revenue, fatigue, wins, and losses.
Do you beat yourself up over everything that you do wrong? Mistakes happen. It is the nature of life that things don’t always go our way. Additionally, we should celebrate when things do go our way. We usually don’t, or even if we do, we use nowhere near the energy we devote to wallowing in negativity. Most adults I know are very quick to focus on all the things going wrong as a default. You know those people. It can be challenging to be around a friend or family member who is in a catastrophic spiral. Some people are battling depression, alcoholism, loneliness, anxiety, or other things that make it difficult to cope in tough times. I am no mental health professional, but I strongly suggest finding one to help you if you cannot move past certain blocks in your life.
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Do you find yourself failing to extend grace to yourself? Is there something you’re holding onto that maybe was in your control, or maybe it was not in your control that you need to let go of? If so, let it go or find help letting it go (this is my second ATL article referencing that song from “Frozen” — a movie I hope never to see!) It’s OK to breathe, give yourself a break, and heal.
Let me know your thoughts about this article. I love hearing from readers all over the world. I am always interested in your comments and constructive critiques. You can reach me at [email protected]
Iffy Ibekwe is the principal attorney and founder of Ibekwe Law, PLLC. She is an estate planning attorney evangelist for intergenerational wealth transfer with effective wills and trusts. Iffy is writing her first book on culturally competent estate planning, available in 2022 (prayers up!). She graduated from The University of Texas School of Law and has practiced law for over 14 years. Iffy can be reached by email at [email protected], on her website, and on Instagram @thejustincaselawyer.