The Pros And Cons Of Potential Supreme Court Nominees

Ed. note: Please welcome our newest columnist, M.G. Aaron. M.G.’s weekly column will bring a satirical edge to the latest happenings in the legal industry.

Today M.G. presents a look at the pros and cons of the potential replacement for Justice Antonin Scalia. Enjoy!

Judge Sri Srinivasan:

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Pros:	Cons:
Brings much-needed West Coast elitism of Stanford graduate to court dominated by East Coast elitism of Harvard, Yale graduates.	Uneventful Senate confirmation in 2013 so Michael Bay highly unlikely to buy movie rights to 2016 confirmation.
Experience on DC Circuit means already knows to avoid Metro Center stop during rush hour.	Told RBG he considered “Marriage of Figaro” Mozart’s fourth best opera, ruining any chance of future relationship.

Attorney General Loretta Lynch:

Pros:	Cons:
Sets Guinness Record for most female justices on Supreme Court at one time.	B.A. in English indicates career in law actually just her “fallback option.”
Title of Attorney General might lead uninformed Senators to just confirm her in effort to support the troops.	FIFA corruption case about wrong kind of football, so still unknown to most Americans.
No chance of such well-qualified candidate ever being held up by partisan politics.	Sri Srinivasan provides more satisfying alliteration in opinion bylines.

Judge Paul Watford:

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By Above The Law

Pros:	Cons:
Active leadership in ABA means that many Senators already familiar with Watford from throwing away mailings with his name on it.	Many consider Watford’s en banc opinion in City of Los Angeles v. Patel just excuse to show off knowledge of French.
Previous SCOTUS clerkship means can skip introductory guided tour of Supreme Court.	Concern over health if exposed to cold, non-California climates.

President Obama Self-Nomination:

Pros:	Cons:
Republicans desperate to get him out of Presidency.	Not Michelle.
No one can notice Mom jeans beneath robes.	Uncertain if breaks during oral arguments long enough to walk Bo.
In good standing with worldwide illuminati.	Would start every Kagan/Sotomayor conversation with, “Remember when I nominated you to the Supreme Court?”

M.G. Aaron is a current 3L at a T9 law school. Originally coming to law school to save the world through public interest, the work-life balance of Biglaw persuaded M.G. to use the finely-crafted skills from three dedicated years of study to pursue the nobler cause of helping corporations (the other people). Feel free to email M.G. at: [email protected].