Why Work/Life Balance Is So Hard To Find

Here’s an obvious observation: your employer is never going to tell you it’s time for you to have a bit of downtime. Your to-do list will never magically be completely checked off so that you can have rest and relaxation. If you do not own and take control over your own time, your own schedule, your day will become more filled with other people’s priorities. In other words, work/life balance (a term that I despise) is only possible if you make it a priority and put in consistent effort into achieving it.

My invitation is the same as the instructions that you get when you get on an airplane: Secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others.

I regularly meet lawyers who are either (a) experiencing burnout or (b) on the verge of burnout. They’ll vigorously defend their completely unrealistic to-do list and overscheduled, overcommitted schedule and say that the solution is to work harder. Yet, at the same time, they’ll bemoan the complete lack of “work/life balance.”

This is simply nonsensical. There is a limitation on the number of hours your brain can engage in the demands of lawyering. Most research indicates that the average person can perform up to three to five hours of “deep work.” We all have had the experience where you’ve been working on the same motion for 12 hours straight, and you just know the work you’re producing isn’t your best. In other words, there’s a point of diminishing returns.

In fact, working more than 50 hours diminishes your output so much that you might as well not work those hours at all. In fact, according to a recent Inc. article from Dr. Travis Bradberry, “The eight-hour workday was created during the industrial revolution in an effort to cut down on the number of hours of manual labor that workers were forced to endure on the factory floor.” But this approach to work, which was invented over 200 years ago, is no longer working and isn’t helping us. In fact, it’s holding us back:

The brain naturally functions in spurts of high energy (roughly an hour) followed by spurts of low energy (15 to 20 minutes). — Dr. Travis Bradberry

These are difficult realities to accept. So, the question is, knowing that each of us has our own limitations on maximum output, how do we focus our attention on the work that is most important? And how does that jive with the need for downtime? In other words, how do we cultivate any semblance of “balance,” or my preferred term of “work/life integration?”

Schedule Short Restful Moments

Schedule short (5 – 15 minutes) of breaks throughout your day and add it to your calendar. I use a meditation app called Headspace, and it will automatically add reminders into my calendar. You may need to be strategic about how you describe these moments in your calendar, depending on your employer.

During these brief restful moments, the idea isn’t to try to force yourself to relax, but rather to pause and take inventory of your physical, mental, and emotional states. Are you feeling agitated? tired? cranky? hungry? happy? Until you can pay attention and notice what state you are in, you can’t begin to make changes.

Plan out your day — first thing!

Most of us start our day by checking the Inbox and spend all day long trying to stay on top of the Inbox. This may sometimes be necessary when there’s an important settlement negotiation, or other things that require that level of constant attention. However, most of the time, the Inbox serves as a distraction and pulls away from engaging in deep work.

If your habitual behavior is to check your email constantly throughout your day, it’s difficult to take control over your own schedule.

I suggest starting the day by taking 10 minutes to look at both long- and short-term projects. Those important projects that will require sustained attention and effort. Figure out how to fill your schedule with those big items first, then schedule time for the “busy work.”

Get your smartphone out of the bedroom!

This is perhaps the one small change I’ve made in my life that has paid off in huge ways. I moved the iPhone from my nightstand to the kitchen counter. This has improved my life for the better in at least a few different ways.

1. I don’t fall asleep checking email, and the iPhone doesn’t serve as a distraction as I’m shifting into sleep mode.
2. If I happen to get up in the middle of the night, the temptation isn’t there to grab the phone and get sucked into the vortex.
3. I don’t check my email as soon as I open my eyes in the morning.

Create your own downtime rituals

Aside from my suggestions above, find both small and large ways of unplugging from work on a regular basis. This may mean you have a completely digital-free zone from Friday at 7:00 p.m. until Saturday at 12:00 p.m. (for example). It may mean you go on vacations where you limit your access from the office. It may mean you go home at 5:30 everyday to have dinner with your kids then log back into work later.

Find your own rituals that work for you. Don’t be prescriptive about it. Come up with a list of possible ideas, test it out for one to two weeks. Modify, reiterate, refine, and do it all over again. Be flexible. Have fun on your journey in finding your own sense of work/life integration!

P.S. You’re invited to our upcoming Shape the Law Unconference in Chicago and New York, where we’ll be reimagining, rethinking, and redesigning the legal workplace. Connect with me by email, [email protected], or on Twitter, @jeena_cho. 

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Jeena Cho is the author of The Anxious Lawyer: An 8-Week Guide to a Joyful and Satisfying Law Practice Through Mindfulness and Meditation (affiliate link). She is a contributor to Forbes and Bloomberg where she covers diversity/inclusion, resilience, work/life integration, and wellness in the workplace. She regularly speaks and offers training on women’s issues, diversity, wellness, stress management, mindfulness, and meditation. You can reach her at[email protected] or @jeena_cho on Twitter.