(photo via Getty)
This has been a long and frustrating week. So, here’s something perfectly stupid we can all have opinions about. From the American repository of fluff, The Today Show:
One group is petitioning for a Halloween update to change the date of the holiday.
“It’s time for a Safer, Longer, Stress-Free celebration!” wrote the organization, the Halloween & Costume Association, on their Change.org petition, which was started last year. “Let’s move Halloween to the last Saturday of October!”
As of Friday morning, more than 70,000 Halloween enthusiasts have signed the petition. At 100,000 signatures, it’s passed on to the White House.
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If I may offer a few thoughts, in no particular order:
- I am shocked that in the 21st Century we still send our kids walking around our neighborhoods begging for candy from strangers. Honestly, how is this still a thing?
- The story says that Halloween is the favorite holiday for Millennials. Which is the nice way of saying “A Bacchanalian festival which allows people to cast off inhibitions and dress as alluring as they dare, remains popular among the young.”
- In a society less obsessed with wage slavery, a mid-week party would be a welcomed opportunity as opposed to a “stressful” juggle of responsibilities.
- In a society less controlled by wage slavers, the petition would be to make November 1st a holiday, not move Halloween to the weekend.
- We could always just celebrate Halloween on the last Saturday of October if the 31st fell mid-week WITHOUT a federal decree. You get that right? As Dennis Leary might say: we are ADULTS and we can open the presents WHENEVER WE WANT.
For those new to me on this topic: I hate Halloween. I really do. I hate dressing up. I hate having to maintain eye discipline when somebody else dresses up as Booberella. I hate that it’s become an excuse to re-shame sex-offenders. I hate sending my kids out into the streets to beg for food. I hate strangers knocking on my door. I hate that it’s usually cold and I have to be outside. I hate that it’s not scary. I hate when people try to make it scary. I hate horror movies. I hate the people who give out apples like smug little pricks. I hate the time when I was ten and my parents let me go as Ted Kennedy and the neighborhood kids mugged me and stole my candy on the way home. Every Halloween is one long David S. Pumpkins skit, to me.
So I’m maybe not the best person to ask about this petition. What say you?
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Petition to change the date of Halloween gains strength [Today Show]
Elie Mystal is the Executive Editor of Above the Law and a contributor at The Nation. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at [email protected]. He will resist.