Ed. note: This article is part of Parental Leave & The Legal Profession, a special series for Above the Law that explores the realities of parental leave and return-to-work in law firms. From planning leave to reintegration, from the role of managers to the mental load of Biglaw parents, these articles bring research, clinical insight, and practical strategies to help lawyers and the firms that employ them navigate one of the most critical transitions of their careers.
Hiding baby bumps under flowy tops. Associates dreading the “time-off” conversation. Managing partners saying as little as possible so they don’t “say the wrong thing.” How can something so commonplace in a big organization — after all, 69 percent of US adults have children — be talked about so little?
The legacy of one-income households and male-dominated workforces permeates the law profession, even as so much has changed in legal education, opportunities for young female lawyers, and the U.S. workplace generally.
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That means that taking leave is still perceived as contrary to firm goals and a net loss for a team and the individual. Systems are not structured to plan the time, optimize it, and identify and appreciate long-term benefits of parental leave.
Yet, despite the fear and judgment about time away, policies are often relatively generous at law firms, for legal professionals if not support staff, in comparison to many other industries. Law firm leave policies fill a gap left by federal policies that poorly support working families in the country. The United States is the only OECD country without mandatory paid leave. In the past several years, an increasing number of states have initiated paid leave requirements; big firm policies generally surpass those plans as well.
Four to six months (or more) of leave guaranteed at full pay sounds like a dream to those in many fields… until one hears stories of poor treatment, lost opportunities, and being sidelined as a new parent in a way that sticks in the long term. At law firms, women often talk about pressure to return early and pay decreasing after they return from leave. They share stories of being left out of important new work because of beliefs about their capacity, and of receiving little to no flexibility around how they return to intense work hours. Meanwhile, men are assumed to not be “primary caregivers,” an outdated categorization alive in many policies, and discouraged from asking for family leave or taking more than a few weeks even when the firm has policies that offer more expansive leave. We regularly hear stories of those who say their decision to change firms was a direct result of how the firm handled their period of parental leave.
The parental leave topic is therefore not only about policy and compliance but also about culture. A 2023 ABA report on the legal careers of parents and child caregivers concluded there was “an urgent need to change the paradigm” after finding that taking leave was held against parents and that 61 percent of mothers and 26 percent of fathers experienced demeaning comments about being a working parent. In a 2021 study, 35 percent of lawyers surveyed reported that their advancement to partnership was negatively affected by taking parental leave.
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What is the paradigm shift that can dislodge the patterns and assumptions that underly unspoken parent penalties?
First, there is a need to address the topic head on with direct communication and planning: For managers, it’s about becoming informed and planning strategically for leave periods, communicating openly with team members. Genuine dialogue covering an off-boarding plan, communication preferences during leave, and a re-onboarding process demonstrate leadership strength and trust in the individual and wider team to successfully navigate these short- or medium-term changes. To support a productive and loyal workforce in the real world over the long term, parental leave is incorporated in workplace culture and even serves as a professional development opportunity. (Yes, that’s right! Specific forms of professional development through parental leave will be explored in future articles of this series.)
In our experience, a few strong leaders at a firm who ask questions, mentor new parents, and accept life events as inevitable create supportive environments and engender long-term loyalty. New parents who leave their jobs generally do so as a result of poor manager support, leaving the firm rather than the field. The flip side is managers who work to retain staff: Parents are “an incredibly motivated” workforce and, according to research by Vivvi, provide $18 in benefit for every $1 spent on supporting them. Just consider the cost of recruiting, onboarding, and training new hires at your firm.
Paradigm shifts also depend on communication and proactivity by lawyers anticipating leave. Work with HR and partners to become informed about policies affecting leave, so that everyone is on the same page. Also, consider that availing of leave in the short term will create more ease in the long term, benefitting mental health, careers, the firm, and families. Throughout the process, have potentially difficult conversations: Share concerns about the hidden costs of leave including lost opportunities and the desire to be kept abreast of case developments. Express a desire to meet new clients in the period after leave and address assumptions head on — for example, the willingness to travel if that’s relevant. The more we speak directly about career development needs, the less people decide for us.
Over the course of this series, we will address what is often a communication void in the legal profession, flagging common biases, conflicts, and opportunities related to parental leave. Upcoming articles will benefit new or repeat parents, on one hand, and firm management on the other. We’ll dig into how to plan your leave and your return without tanking your career and the mental load of working parenthood in Biglaw for women and men. We’ll cover what managers and firms need to do differently for the well-being of not just employees but the firm itself, building systems and strengthening firm culture. We have practical tips, communication strategies, and coaching insights to share, along with a good number of stories. Consider the professional development opportunities of leave and how lawyers might not just endure leave but use it to recharge their legal careers. Join our discussion, no matter your gender, generation, or role at your firm.
Marny Requa, JD is an academic, coach, and consultant with global experience and gender equity expertise. Dr. Anne Welsh is a clinical psychologist, executive coach, and consultant with a specialization in supporting working parents in law. Both are certified RETAIN Parental Leave Coaches, engaging a research-backed methodology to support and retain employees as they grow their families.